It's Not Fair Aru
by Shofina48625
Summary: China loves Russia. China wants Russia to love him back. Contains/Warnings:Rochu & other pairings, angst,drama,crying, slight OOC: "Again with the sad eyes? Like you have been through so much haven't you? You haven't been heart broken aru..." China said softly.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHORS NOTE: (PLEASE READ TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY!~):**

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Hehe, hey fan fiction people. This is my first Yaoi Fanfiction ever. And Anime fan fiction ever.****U-um...this is also my first fanfiction NOT rated M!~ *happy* :D**** And like, I'm totally nervous. Sorry for spelling mistakes at stuff... I don't mean to do it!(Please tell me what I can improve on, what you like, etc. :) Thanks!~ **

**Note: This does contain the Cold War, but not really...(was that confusing?) Read on, see what I mean. I don't support it really that much, but its an okay pairing. But I love Rochu. Like to a point till its insane. **

**P.S. Rochu is love. XD  
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"IN OTHER WORDS I GET TO BE THE HERO!" America shouted, after the long speech. He looked at Russia and mumbled, "And Russia too..."

My fists clenched as Russia smiled at America. America flushed slightly and continued talking. I looked away from there silent exchange, looking at England. England was looking away, sipping his tea, completely relaxed. I could note how he gripped his cup more than necessary, how his eyes tightened whenever Russia spoke. _He was such a Tsun...Tsun...Whatever Japan calls him, aru.._America announced that the meeting was over, claiming he wanted donuts. He whispered something to Russia.

_It's not fair, aru._

Russia smiled the smile that could make anyone's knees weak. America kissed his cheek and left. My stomach felt uneasy, as I rose up, wanting to leave immediately. I almost ran out. I could hold my tears until I reached home.

"Ch-china dah! Slow down!" Russia yelled after me as I left the building. I froze.

_ Russia wants to talk to me aru..to me aru...not him aru..._

I turned around having the coy blush on my face, "Y-yes, aru?" I trembled slightly.

"Would you like to join us dah? I don't want America to eat to much...he might get a stomach ache dah..." He frowned slightly. _R-russia was inviting me to join him...and America, aru. _

I looked away and blushed._ I didn't like donuts. They were too sweet and fried. America had such strange eating habits..._

"And also," Russia continued, a bit sheepish, "I don't really like donuts dah...they are so sweet," My breath sped as I felt myself sweat. _I actually have something in common with him. Something we could talk about. But what kind of idiot would talk about donuts aru? _I shook my head.

"No thank you aru, I don't really like donuts either," I blushed and looked down. _Stop blushing aru_. I tried to tell myself.

I saw him darken slightly for a second but then he smiled, "That's okay, dah...maybe next time," He turned around and left. I froze. _I should have said yes. Why did I turn him down, aru.?_

England passed me muttering, "It's no fair,"

I smiled and nodded sadly, "No its not," He didn't give a backwards glance as he heard me and left, murmuring, "Not now mint-bunny..." I frowned._ England was probably insane or something...or he had friends I could not see...it could be both aru..._

I made it to my room, ignoring the loud havoc my family created. I_f Russia and I were married aru...we could probably keep them quiet...I could be the waifu aru...and Russia would be-_

I shook my head. No point in thinking of something that won't come true anyway. I went inside my room and locked the door. I sank to the ground, my legs refusing to support me as I started to cry convulsively.

So much time passed as my tears turned into tiny whimpers and I heard the faint knocking vibrate through the walls.

"A-aniki? Open the door...you're scaring me..." Korea said, tugging the door. I kept silent. I couldn't face them like this.

"He probably went to sleep," Taiwan said, the annoyance in her voice was still visible.

"Without anything to eat? …...I guess," Japan sighed as I heard feet shuffle. I curled up into a ball trembling.

_No one could help me...no one could help me aru..._I had no idea how much times passed._..no one ca- _

There were 3 knocks on the door. "China dah?" I closed my eyes. It was probably an illusion, nothing more.

"He is not responding dah..." There was a quiet whisper and shuffling of feet. "China I know you're are in there dah...come out before I tear the door down, korukoru..." I flinched. My eyes flashed open as I stumbled to my feet.

"I-I-I'll be out in a minute, aru!" I yelled back. I smoothed my hair nervously,washing my face in the bathroom. I sighed and simply slid off the band and shook my hair out.** (8DDDDDDD) **I opened the door.

"AAAANIIIIKIIIIII!" I was pushed to the floor by none other. He tightened his arms around me.

"AIYAAA!" I shrieked. Everyone else came in surrounding me, but Russia rested against the door frame.

"Were you sleeping? Your eyes look a bit red.." Vietnam said nervously. I nodded, smiling straight face. _Being the oldest meant you had to hide pain, aru._No one seemed to notice that I was crying.

"I told you Russia would work..." Japan muttered.

"Lets get you some tea, you haven't eaten anything have you ana?" Thailand smiled, helping me up. I walked passed Russia feeling his scarf brush past me. _The soft, delicate scarf, one that I would love to cuddle in all day, talking with Russia aru..._I was letting my imagination out of hand. The next thing I knew, I was on the sofa, sitting across from Russia, a cup of tea in my hands. I drank, realizing how dehydrated I actually was.

"W-well I'm going to sleep...Goodnight Nii-san..." Vietnam kissed my cheek and left, followed closely by Taiwan. Everyone followed after them. _Me and Russia were alone. In a room aru. _

"S-so why did you come aru?" I was truly curious, "Weren't you supposed to go to America's aru?" Russia's face darkened.

"He said he was busy, dah, and wouldn't tell me why.." I trembled. _Why would America ignore Russia? Didn't he realize how lucky he is aru?_

"S-so you came here out of boredom, aru?" I guessed.

"No, dah. I came because..." He looked at me in the eye, "Y-you're the only other person who seems to enjoy my company, dah..." For some reason my heart swelled when I heard this. In a good and bad way.

"O-oh, aru..." My throat felt tight. I wanted to tell him right now, so much.

I sipped my tea, as Russia mimicked me. I smiled a little. He looked so adorable trying to copy my movements._ I wonder what he would do if I kissed him aru..._

He would probably hate me and tell everyone how much of a creep I was. My lower lip trembled. No crying. Not one tear. I hugged my knees closer to my chest and looked down at the cup.

"Ch-china, dah? You do like me right, dah?" He said uncertainly. I looked up in shock.

" Why wouldn't I aru? Of course I like you!" _A bit more then I should..._I tried to smile but my heart translated it into a grimace.

"Then why do you look so upset dah? Did something happened?" He looked at me concerned, as my heart fluttered._ E-everything happened Russia-san. H-heart break happened Russia, aru. _

"Everything is fine aru...why would anything be wrong?" I lied, looking down. Russia noticed, so I quickly added, "Korea is just a bit to much that's all, he tires me out so quickly aru..." Russia nodded.

"Oh Psshh...yea right..." Korea seethed silently.

Russia stood up, placing the tea on the table, "I should get going, dah," He smiled. I panicked.

"Wh-what? You just came aru!" I said frantically. _Don't go aru...Don't go..don't go..._

He looked at me strangely as I blushed looking down. I hadn't realized I grabbed his arm. _His arm. I actually got to touch it aru...How desperate am I?_

"Whatever you like dah," He smiled cheerfully. _W-whatever I like? C-can I ask for happiness aru? O-or you? _

"B-but Aniki!" Korea stumbled out, "I don't want to share with _him_! We turned the guest room into the manga room, remember?"

"Y-yea!" Taiwan said, echoed by Vietnam. Thailand and HK nodded there heads. Japan looked down and murmured a "yes" as well.

"O-oh, sorry Russia, I guess I forgot aru..." I said. _So he wasn't going to stay aru..._

"C-can I share with you dah?" He asked. _H-he wants to share with me aru..._

"Are you okay with that, aru?" He nodded happily.

"Whatever you like dah." My heart raced as I trembled.

"Okay Russia, you can sleep in my room while I sleep with Ani-"

"NO WAY! You molested him last time!" Vietnam smacked him.

"DID NOT!" Korea smacked her.

"H-hey...we have a guest over!" Taiwan chirped. I sighed.

" This way aru," I stepped passed them. I touched Japan's shoulder, " You sort this out please," He nodded. Russia followed a bit confused.

I opened my door and stepped inside, turning on the light, "Sorry if its a bit different aru," I fixed the sheets.

"I like it, dah..." He smiled politely. _Smile that smile you give America aru...that smile should be mine aru..._

He sat on the bed, loosening his scarf. He took off his coat and lying down on one side. He patted the space next to him.

"I-I have to change, aru..." I smiled nervously blushing. I grabbed more comfortable clothes and stopped. Stupidly I asked, "Y-you'll be here right here when I come back aru?" He smiled and nodded. I changed quickly, knowing that Russia would be waiting on the other side. I flung the door open.

"R-russia-san?" I asked breathlessly. He wasn't there. _It was an illusion...Nothing so good could be true aru..._

_ "_I'm right here, dah," Came a soft voice in the shadows. He was staring at a painting I made of sun flowers. It was when I first realized that Russia-san liked sunflowers. I felt so happy before.._.I realized he liked someone else aru..._

"Do you like it aru?" He nodded his head.

"Dah," Was all he said, "America got me a whole bunch of sunflowers last week, It was nice.." He trailed off as my smile faded_. O-of course America would beat me aru._

His hands hesitantly ran across the huge painting, his expression unreadable. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder. I hope he didn't notice the trembling.

"Should we sleep aru?" I asked. He sighed and nodded. He laid on the bed as I brought the covers up just to the base of his neck. I was about to kiss his forehead. But I didn't. I wanted to touch his hair, his face, anything. The violet eyes followed me as I went to the door to check on my family. Korea was sprawled out on one of the couches, and Japan on the other, exhausted. Taiwan and Vietnam slept on the floor, neatly. HK sat silently reading with Thailand , who was listening to music looking over HK's shoulder. I took blankets from the closet and placed it gently on everyone. I offered the blanket to Thailand who dropped it on HK's shoulders. I took a step back. It was so peaceful. The only that was missing was me...,_ and Russia-san aru. _I walked back slowly wrapping my arms around my waist unconsciously.

"It took you a while, dah" Russia-san complained. He was sitting upright. I smiled apologetically.

"Aiyaa, should I re-tuck you in again aru?" I teased. I brought the covers up again, my back of my fingers brushing against the scarf. He smiled childishly. I lay on the bed, pulling up the blanket till it reached the bottom of my nose and I curled up into ball. I sighed. _Tonight was probably the only good night of sleep I would have in a while. I could feel Russia's warmth, the sound of his breathing. It was enough...for now aru. _

**Russia-san POV!~ 8DD**

I lay on the bed staring at the painting. It was so pretty, seeming to pop out from the frame. It was surprising that China painted it by himself. I glanced at him. His back was to me, and he was curled up into a tight ball. His shoulders were slightly hunched which upset me._ He was so tiny...and earlier when __I talked to him he seemed...so sad dah..._

China suddenly moved slightly, rolling over so he was facing me. His eyes looked wet but he was sleeping. He shuddered suddenly and whimpered slightly. I reached my hand out it cup his face, gently placing it on his cheek. He trembled slightly but his shoulders relaxed. I smiled and scooted closer to him. He seemed to be cold. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. He unconsciously placed a hand on my scarf, snuggling closer to me.

_China is so cute dah~  
_A few minutes later he mumbled my name. I looked down at him. He was still sleeping but...he was smiling a little and his looked happy.

"Russia, aru..." He mumbled my name again and sighed. _Why is he saying my name dah? _

A few moments later he mumbled again. But he said something else, "Russia aru...Wǒ ài nǐ …." He wrapped his arms around me, unconsciously. _Wǒ ài nǐ...? What does that mean dah?_ I buried my face in China's hair and went to sleep.

"I GET TO WAKE HIM UP!" I eyes flashed open as I heard Korea's voice just outside the door. China was holding my scarf, snuggled closely to my chest. I gently pried his fingers off and pushed him away slightly, getting up.

"You got to do that last time ana!" Thailand protested.

"No, it was Vietnam-"

"NO I DIDN'T"

"G-guys...you do realize that Russia-san is there too?"

Silence.

The door flung open, "ANNIIIKI!~" Korea burst in and jumped on the bed.

"AIYAA!" China yelled tumbling off. My eyes widened. China suddenly got up from the floor, with a murderous look. He grabbed Korea's ear and pulled.

"OWW! The hurts Aniki!" Korea whined.

China's eyes widened, "Really aru?" then narrowed, "For the last time Korea, don't wake me up like that!" Japan bowed. Taiwan flopped on the bed.

"I'm hungry Nii-san..." She muttered.

" Right aru.." He sighed and noticed me. He blinked and something set in his eyes, "O-oh..Russia-san...I..you...would you like something to eat aru?"

"Whatever you like dah," I said again. Whenever I said that, China would get a weird look on his face and blush. His family took there leave.

_He is so cute, dah. _

_ "_R-right aru," He looked down and smiled and left.

"So what do you guys want for breakfast aru?" It felt nice...knowing Russia was in my room. Russia suddenly came down and sat on the chair. Everyone froze.

"D-did you sleep well Russia-san?" Japan asked nervously.

"I did dah," He looked at me as if sharing an inside joke. Had I done anything strange?

_BANG. BANG. BANG. _I jumped slightly at the bangs on the door.

"Talk about rude," Taiwan muttered as she went to answer the door.

"RUSSIA!" America screamed from the outside. My heart dropped. I couldn't breath. _Why was America here aru? _

"America dah?" Russia said confused, standing up. Everyone looked up startled.

"Where were you? I went to like, everyone's house, and you weren't there!" He said, coming in. He wrapped his arms around Russia in front of my whole family. There eyes went from me to them, to me again. All of them wore the same confused expression. Russia's arms wrapped around America as he murmured to him quietly. I shot them daggers. Wounded daggers, but they were still sharp enough.

"Eww...Aniki, they are spoiling my appetite.." Korea made a face. I mentally agreed.

"I made you breakfast and everything!~" America said excitedly. Russia forced a smile.

"You did, dah? I-it's not donuts is it?" He said, hiding his disgust perfectly.

"Of course not!~" America smiled and pulled Russia out of my house.

"B-bye Russia aru!" I managed to choke out. Wounded daggers huh? Made sense. Russia smiled at me swiftly.

"Later people." America said, slamming the door.

"Well that went well," Vietnam said, peeling her banana.

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**Err...yea...please review, tell me what you think, the next chapter will be up in no time!~ :)  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**

**YAY!~ Chapter Two! Sorry if I suck at Russia...just...sorry. **

**ALSO: THIS FANFICTION; is very dramatic and kinda sad...so deal with it =3=  
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**China POV**

I walked down the corridors, making my way to the meeting room. England was usually the first one there. I was about to open the door when I heard a moan. From America. I shuddered.

"N-not here..." He muttered. I frowned. I knocked on the door loudly. Someone yelped in surprise and I heard crashing noises. I laughed quietly. America opened the door, his hair ruffled slightly. I gritted my teeth.

_It's not fair, aru._

I sat down on my chair sighing. America and Russia were giggling quietly, there arms intertwined. Russia mused with America's hair again. _I wondered what he would do if I kept my hair down aru...would that be more attractive...I_ shook my head and blinked, mentally smacking myself.

Was I really that desperate? Yea I was aru. I looked down at my lap rubbing my eyes, realizing they were wet. England walked in suddenly. He sighed quietly, picking up the chalk, drawing the usual diagrams and pictures.

"Maybe China should draw dah," He said suddenly. I looked up.

"M-me? But doesn't England-"

"You draw so pretty dah," He cut off.

"Hey!" America smacked him playfully, "What about me?" Russia smiled.

"Of course America," He kissed his temple, erasing America's pout. England pressed against the board harsher than usual. France walked in dragging in a giggling Canada.

"Let's begin the meeting, before Canada goes into hysterics..." France rolled his eyes. Canada grinned.**(about something I was to lazy to type )** America cleared his throat and got up, off of Russia.

"R-right, okay, so yesterday, it may have gone unnoticed, but it was me and Russia's anniversary," He took out a box and opened it, "So I spent all night making a cake!" He lifted up a neon blue, green...cake? I stifled a laugh with a cough. Who knew how much frosting there was?

"How big is the cake?" France asked. America cut up one slice, "Because it seems as though half of it is frosting..." America glared at him.

"Frosting is awesome, okay?" He said, pissed, "It makes the cake pretty."

"I-is that edible aru?" I asked, as France, Canada, and England laughed. An icy glare sent shivers down my spine. I looked at Russia. His eyes were dark, as the aura emitted from him.

"It's a good cake, right China, dah?" I shuddered.

"Y-yes aru..." I squeaked. Russia never did that to me. Ever. I wrapped my arms around my waist in support. I blinked quickly, not letting my tears fall.

"Don't give him any, he'll probably throw it away..." Russia murmured to the hurt America, "I'll eat it all if that's what you want, dah"

"Russia calm down, it was a harmless joke," France chuckled. Canada pulled on France's shirt pointing at me, "You hurt him," He added. America handed England a piece. England took the piece of cake he was given and just stared at it fondly, a small smile playing around his lips.

"That's impossible, nothing so small could hurt anyone," America said with a mouthful of cake.

"That's what you think, America," England said quietly, "Something so tiny could mean everything to someone," He murmured, still staring at the slice he was given. My throat felt tight.

"What does that mean Iggy? Another Shakespeare reference?" He said. England's eyes narrowed.

"I think its self explanatory dah," Russia said after a while, "You know those sunflowers? The big one in the middle, and the little ones in the back?"

My head shot up. That was my painting. He was talking to America, but I could tell that it was my painting. America shrugged, not really understanding...or following along.

"Well, something so small can mean a lot, like this," He pecked America's cheek, "Did you like that?" America nodded. Russia smiled and then looked at me. I refused to look back.

"Aren't you gonna have some?" America said.

"Well, dah, I ate before I came, how about I take it home?" He forced a smile. England snarled.

"He doesn't like what you eat, isn't it obvious?" England hissed.

"Wha-?"

"That's not his fault, you killed his taste buds." France chuckled.

"Shut up." England seethed.

"You don't like what I eat Russia?" America pouted. Russia had no answer.

"See?" England said.

"Well do you dah?" Russia asked. England looked away.

"What are they fighting about?" Canada asked. France shrugged.

"How could you Russia?" America yelled, too dramatically.

"What did I do da?" Russia asked confused.

"Y-you hate me!"

"I never said th-"

"I KNOW YOU DO! YOU LIAR! YOU LIAR! YOU'RE THE WORST! YOU HAVE TO BE THE WORST BOYFRIEND IN THE PLANET! YO-"

I got up at slapped America-san in the face. Everyone was frozen as the sound bounced off the walls. My eyes narrowed.

"Shut up aru," I said calmly.

"What?" America said in shock.

"Does food mean more than Russia aru?" I raised my eyebrow.

He shook his head, "No but-"

"Then why are you getting worked up over a stupid cake aru!" I yelled, "If this stupid cake means more than Russia-san then maybe you're the worst boyfriend aru!" Silence."And why is everyone getting worked up over a cake aru? A cake!" I said. Everyone was quiet. England put down his piece and sighed.

"China is right you three, just relax," France sighed.

"M-maybe I did put on too much frosting..." America said nervously looking at Russia, "I'm sorry, Russia," He pouted slightly, using that face he always did to win over Russia. Russia looked down.

"M-maybe China is right dah...maybe we should break up.." Russia said quietly.

"I never said that aru!" I said, as everyone nodded confused.

"Y-you want to break up? Why? I love you Russia!~"

"Really?" Russia laughed darkly, "A while ago you said I was the worst and how you hated me, dah..."

"I didn't mean it!~ Come on!~" America grinned.

"Are my feelings a joke dah?" He said. Everyone shuddered at the tone of his voice. He refused to looked up.

"I never said that..." America said in shock.

"I think you made it clear..." Russia said, looking up. His face was blank, empty, his eyes looked deadly calm. I was probably the only once who saw how hurt he was. It was silent for a few minutes. America's earnest expression turned serious, wiser, and a bit sad.

"M-maybe I did," He said, "M-maybe I missed someone so much I tried replacing him with you,"

"I knew it dah," Russia replied, his eyes narrowed. America's eyes watered.

"I never told him I hated him...I didn't want him to boss me around...or-or be like my big brother, because I was old enough to take care of myself. He thought of it the wrong way. He thought I hated him. He was so close to me...but...but...so far..." He trembled slightly, "so I had to find someway to deal with it, okay? I'm sorry Russia...I didn't know you thought of us as that _serious_.." America looked at him, truly sorry. America was usually never serious. He sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. England stared at him.

"Wh-who is he talking about?" England said in a hollow voice. America flinched slightly but looked down.

"Who else could it possibly be?" France smiled. England met my eyes. I gave a small smile and a slight nod.

" America?" He asked gently. America stiffened, though his eyes were soft.

"What do you want England?" He said, looking away, childishly.

"C-can you tell me who that person is?" England placed a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Does it matter?" America said softly, "Its not like he cares or anything.." America shrugged.

"B-but he does care...a lot...a bit to much," England blushed saying this out loud.

"You sound like you know," America said arrogantly.

"Way to spoil the moment, brother," Canada muttered.

"You sound like you know who I'm talking about," England said, just as arrogantly.

"They are perfect for each other," France chuckled. Suddenly I couldn't contain this. There was no way America was going to get a happy ending with England without apologizing to Russia. America and England were looking at each other, there noses almost touching. I don't think they cared or even noticed aru.

I ran up to America, punching him hard in the stomach, "You apologize, You apologize now aru! Do you realize how much you hurt Russia!" I pointed to Russia. Or where he use to be. He wasn't there. "Russia-san!" I yelled. I ran out of the room, he wasn't in the halls. He was probably in the courtyard. Everyone else walked into the halls, "You guys better follow me aru!" I yelled, mostly at America.

Quickly, walking down the halls, till I was in the courtyard. Russia was there, sitting on a stone bench, his head down, his hands in his face. I walked closer swift but gentle movements, he was trembling. I sat down next to him.

"Hey, aru," I smiled, trying to sound cheerful. He didn't respond.

"So..I told America to say sorry aru," Right as soon as the name left my mouth, Russia flinched, "L-l-look aru I'm sorry," I trembled. _Now you know how I feel aru... _He mumbled, "What was that aru?" I said, smiling gently. He looked up, his face streaked with tears.

"I-is my love not give enough? A-are my feelings a joke to everyone da?" His voice broke. I trembled. This was the little boy I met many winters ago. Then something struck me; He still loved him.

"Why would you think that aru?" I asked, barely containing my calmness. Right now I understood everything he was feelings. And he was right there, a few inches away from me. I could just wrap my arms around him.

"You didn't hear a thing America said dah? He said that he wasn't serious, it was a joke, my love was a joke...my feelings were nothing.._he used me dah_, and you ask why I would think that?" I flinched.

"Why would you think he is the _only_ one who loves you aru?" I asked, trying a different approach. By now, all the allies were behind, not looking directly at us, but certainly eavesdropping. I don't think Russia noticed.

"Well...my sisters too...but Ukraine needs me because she is poor and Belarus wants me as her husband dah," He trembled looking down, "I-is that how someone shows love?"

_Look up Russia, tell me what you see aru. _

I stayed silent. Russia really must enjoy forgetting me.

_Is it love or hate? _

"B-but those are your sisters aru...not other people,"

_Is it fear or care? _

"Exactly dah..." He looked away.

_ Is it affection or neglect?_

Why couldn't he see anything? I was here, the only person willing to talk to him?

_Is it love or hate aru?_

"How can you still love him aru?" I said bitterly. I wanted to tell him so badly right now.

" Because, I was his whole world till a few minutes ago...but now I'm not so sure dah.." _You're my whole world Russia-san, is that not good enough aru? _

I looked down at my hands, "You still are to someone aru," I said, making my approach like England and America did. Russia suddenly stood up, angrily, getting the wrong idea.

"You can stop speaking in riddles China, you can stop with such stupid quotes. It has no meaning to me dah," _You're such a hypocrite Russia, are you saying _my_ feelings are nothing aru? _I didn't look at him in the eye. _It's not fair aru. _

"Besides, you never told me what Wǒ ài nǐ means, dah," He huffed angrily, "Next time when you sleep talk, speak in an understandable language kolkol," I flinched. He was taking his anger out on me. I didn't know I sleep talk in my sleep...I was mortified, but thankful he didn't know Chinese.

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't care aru," I murmured.

"Again with the sad eyes? Like you have been through so much haven't you? _You_ haven't been heart broken dah..." I looked away, to Iggy, who clenched his fists together.

_Yes I have aru, you're dulling my broken daggers. You're opening and rubbing salt in the wounds I have tried to hide. _

"Th-that's not true aru!" My lower lip trembled.

"So what does Wǒ ài nǐ mean then dah?" He said, looking at me impatiently.

"W-wǒ means 'I' and n-nǐ means 'you' aru." I said quietly.

"What about ài dah?" I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up, walking away, "Where are you going so suddenly?" He asked startled.

"You wouldn't care what ài means Russia-san" I said softly. All the Allies, who were casual eavesdropping knew exactly what the phrase meant. He grabbed my wrist roughly. I refused to turn around.

"Tell me dah." He said, sending shivers down my spine.

"Stop acting scary aru, its not helping you," I said bravely.

"Really dah?" I winced as his grip tightened.I knew he was stubborn. So was I.

"Let go of my aru." I said, in the voice I usually had reserved for Korea.

"No, dah,"

"Why does it matter?" I said brokenly, suddenly.

"Because you kept on saying my name over and over again dah!"

"And? No one said you had to listen aru."

"How do I know it doesn't mean 'i hate you' or 'i want to kill you, or something dah?" My heart wrenched, "So tell me dah..." Realizing I had no reply.

"I-IT MEANS I LOVE YOU OKAY ARU! YOU CAN LET GO OF MY HAND OKAY!" He stopped , dumbfounded, as I yanking away, making a run for it.

"China dah!" He yelled, grabbing my hand again. I struggling, and turned around doing something I never thought I would do. I bit him. His hand, as hard as I could. He relexively let go, though it probably didn't hurt, and I took that as my escape. I ran out of the courtyard, out the building, into the woods. I ran till I was gasping for air, not sure where I was. Isolated. Again. Like so many years ago. I couldn't hear any sound of Russia or the others out to look for me.I sank to the ground, trembling.

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**Please Review and stuff... ^_^"**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

**Yea...I guess I made a lot of people hate America... O-O Which is weird cuz I live there...Anyhow, I'm sorry...*dodges food and hides* **

**Thank you everyone who reviewed. It made me really happy. :) *hugs everyone including reader* **

**PS: **_xVAMPIRExEMPRESSx_,** thanks for warning me, I'll try not to mess up on the POVs**

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I curled up into a ball, trembling. I couldn't hear any sound of Russia or the others out to look for me. Suddenly there was a rustle in the bushes, I looked up.

"I-it's okay Germany, its only China," Japan said, getting up, brushing off leaves, followed by Germany and Italy.

"What are you doing so close to the Axis?" Germany asked. I didn't answer. His question came into one ear and left out the other.

"Ve? What's wrong with China?~" Italy said from behind Germany.

"No idea, Japan do you think you should call someone who can help? Family?" Germany asked, no-nonsense. I sighed. The last thing I needed was more people. Five minutes later came the rest of my family. Everyone nudged me, whispered quietly, shaking me gently. I didn't care.

"China da!" Came a call somewhere else. Immediately my head shot up, causing everyone surrounding me to flinch.

"He is probably home or-" France said from a distance.

"I highly doubt that," I heard faintly.

"China!" Allies were close. Did they not understand what privacy meant?

"China is here ve!~" Italy said, jumping, waving his arms. I glared at him, getting up shakily. I didn't want to run anymore, but I guess I had too.

"China da!" Russia said in relieved.I turned around and I tried running but someone wrapped there arms around my waist, lifting me off the floor.

"L-let go a-aru!" I struggled.

"Careful England, he can be feisty..." Alfred murmured.

"Let go England aru!" I said, squirming, "I thought you understood!" His arms froze as I slid to the floor, breathlessly.

"Understand what, da?" Russia-san murmured, confused. I looked at him. I guess _I_ meant nothing to him. England gave him the universal shut-up-look, and bent down, sitting on the floor with me.

"Don't run off like that you git," He nudged me slightly.

"Did he say sorry, aru?" I asked quietly.

"W-well...Russia sorta..." England said nervously. He whispered quietly, "Doesn't care anymore...I hope he doesn't hate Am-"

"I hope he does," I snapped, "It's not fair that you get your happy ending aru," I choked, wrapping my arms around myself in support.

France knelt down beside me, "H-happy ending?" He questioned.

"He still loves America...its not fair ,aru," I couldn't believe I said the words out loud.

"What is he talking about da? Whats not fair?," Russia asked, a little annoyed. Immediately, France, Canada, England and my family started yelling at Russia at once. It hurt my ears.

"I-it's not fair aru," I whispered, as it went quiet suddenly, "Th-that I can love you so much...to a point till it hurts...a-and you...a-act like my feelings mean nothing t-to you...like I-I am of irrelevance aru..." I said. Everyone froze, as everything finally clicked together for them. Every time I would sigh, or look away, or leave suddenly, they knew why.

"What do you mean by 'love me' dah?" Russia asked shocked.

"Like now aru! Am I not good enough for you? I'm sorry that I'm not like America and eat all the time! I'm sorry for being so quiet and not talking so much aru! I'm sorry that you can't love me back, okay aru?" I yelled at him, quivering in anger. Mostly for myself. Because realizing that I could not be Russia's other half hurt me. Knowing that I can't be loved by him.

Russia stared at me blankly. England fumed behind me. Probably cuz I insulted America. America looked down guilty.

"I-I'm sorry aru..I shouldn't have yelled at you," I said quietly, after I calmed myself. I looked down, rubbing my eyes. I felt England relax next to me.

"You love me dah?" He whispered softly. I didn't answer. I didn't want him to say no. Russia cupped my face, seeing it streaked with tears. I never cried in front of Russia. Only before and after. He looked shocked and a little scared, "Why didn't you tell me dah?"

_ I walked quickly to the meeting. England was following me, a little nervous, and France, followed by Canada barely made sense what was going on. _

_ "Today is going to be the best day of my life aru!" I bounced. France laughed, "Today my life will be complete and" I nudged England, "I get to help a friend!~" England blushed, "I have it all planned out, I am going to tell him I love him, then I'll show America how much he means to you, and it will be so...perfect aru!~" I sighed happily. _

_ We reached the door, I was about to open it, then looked nervously at England, "I'm fine right?" _

_ "You look great okay, j-just open the door..." He smiled a little. I opened it. _

_ "Russia I lo-" I froze._

_ "I love you dah," He said. _

_ "I do too aru," I smiled happily. England stiffened next to me. Something was wrong. At first I was confused, taking in everything slowly. _

_ Russia-san didn't say the words to me. Russia was cupping America's face, kissing him. _

_ I didn't know what to think. I hadn't realized what heart shattering meant until then. I broke, shattering into a million pieces. England looked at me, horrified at how my expression changed so drastically. I felt hollow. _

_ They broke away. "I love you too Russia!" America said enthusiastically, though...it seemed off. _

_ "What was that you were saying China dah?" He looked at me, happier than I had ever seen him. I trembled. _

_ "N-nothing aru..." I said, realizing I was to late. By a few minutes. A few minutes could change everything. _

_ It's not fair aru._

France and England were quiet, recalling the unfortunate events as well. _  
_

"He did," Canada said. Everyone looked confused. _I never said that though aru. _Canada looked at everyone's waiting expression, blushing, but continued, "He did tell you...America was just...faster. He wanted you to be happy, so he kept his feelings to himself...Plus, she showed you he loved you" Canada frowned. _The quiet ones are the scariest. _He knew way to much aru.

"He is right...don't you remember Russia?" England said, "He always kept quiet...he never caused you any pain...he was always there you bloody idiot, so you can stop blaming him," England added angrier. They were lying. I was never quiet. I was selfish, greedy. I spent every night up longing for something I couldn't have, crying for someone who wouldn't even take a guess. I fantasized and imagined things that couldn't never be real. I felt humiliated.

"China dah..." his voice trailed off.

"You can save your breath, I understand you don't love me aru," I said looking up, faking a smile. He didn't have any words. He just stood there, blankly, making no approach or retreat. Korea pushed him away from me.

"I-i-it's your fault isn't it?" He trembled, "You! You caused Aniki to come home upset! You made Aniki to wake up with his eyes wet! I-it's your fault!" I looked at him shocked. I thought I covered it up so well.

"You can't hide love China," France whispered.

"I try aru," I smiled. It was my job to hide pain, to look like I didn't care aru.

"Y-you love me China, dah?" Russia said hollowly, after Hong Kong calmed Korea down. I immediately blushed. He used the word 'love' and my name in the same sentence. I nodded, "I'm an idiot. You should hate me da.." I looked up.

"Don't ever say that. Ever aru." Was all I said, deadly. His eyes started to water. I was making him cry. Russia _cry_.

"I-I was so blind da. I overlooked your feelings and didn't even take the hint . Y-you're right, I didn't think you were anything da. J-just someone who I kept..as a last resort..." His voice trailed off. For a moment that stung. I hadn't thought of that aru. I _was_ a last resort. The silence got heavier.

"Everyone," Korea said in conversational tone, "Did you know that...murder originated in Korea?" Then he leaped onto Russia. Everyone moved at once. Some screamed, others helped, others attempted to calm other people. Russia didn't even try to stop anyone. I gasped, choked in tears. So much commotion. So much of a jumble.

I pushed everyone away, until I reached Korea. I pushed him off of Russia.

"A-aniki...move," He frowned. Japan and the others nodded. My eyes narrowed.

"Y-yea..he deserves it..." Vietnam said, her fist clenching and unclenching. Japan held his katana tighter. I knelt to the ground next to Russia-san.

"O-over my dead body aru," I whispered.

"What do you mean ana? We are only trying to help you," He smiled bitterly.

"By hurting someone I love aru? I don't think so," I scowled, "Sure smacking or hitting when Korea does something stupid...or Japan takes something to far aru," I started, "But I didn't let you do this to your siblings aru..." I gestured at Russia. **(he means bickering, not wars and stuf...i dun wanna go all complex...) **Everyone looked down. I looked at Russia. He wasn't hurt that bad, but he had a bruised on his cheek and his eyes looked swollen. From crying. I hesitantly placed a hand on his cheek, wiping the tears with my thumb. He looked up at me, forlorn.

**Russia POV!~**

"Again with the sad eyes? Like you have been through so much haven't you? _You_ haven't been heart broken aru..." China said softly, quietly, quoting me. He trembled slightly. I tried to speak but words couldn't come out. His eyes were slightly hollow, his pain was showing. I was a hypocrite. I was a jerk.

He looked at me tenderly, softly, lovingly. All the feelings I didn't deserve. But I had watched to many movies with my sisters._ I was now supposed to get up, dramatically, leaving, making him come after me, then one of us almost dies, and we love each other happily in the end dah. _Before I use to think China was always the person to go to when you were upset...he was always happy and had a smile on his face every time. L-like I was his world or something. But now I was looking up to...to...

I sat up as China immediately flinched scooting away, like he was bad or something. He blinked suddenly, his pained expression turning smooth, lighter. I blinked, startled. He got up, wiping his tears.

"W-well, I think we are making this a bit more dramatic than needed aru," He said smiling, "Let's just call the meeting off aru," He said, smiling at the Allies.

"B-but-" England started confused, and a little angry.

"Hong Kong, weren't we gonna go to the bookstore today aru?" He added pleasantly. He turned to Japan giving him a look.

"U-uh...Germany...we should continue the training," Japan said, pushing them away, till they left.

"Ve?" Italy said confused. China smiled at his siblings.

"Let's go home aru!~ Bye England, America, France, Canada...Russia aru.." He murmured walking away. England suddenly jabbed me.

"Hey!" I said, turning to him. He gave me a glare.

"I swear to drunk that I am going to kill you if you don't do something now," He said through clenched teeth. I glanced over at China. All of his siblings were doing the usual thing, as China walked behind them, his shoulders hunched. He wasn't perfect at hiding.

"Well what do you think I am going do? Run after him? Korukoru..." I replied. England's eyes narrowed.

"Got anything else?" I shrugged.

"N-no really man...listen to him," Alfred said, half behind England. I glared at him as he looked away, "D-don't b-be l-like me..." He muttered. Canada tapped his foot, hugging the bear closer.

"You know what korukoru? If you're such an expert at the whole 'using' someone, how can you be good at 'keeping' the person da?" I sauntered closer, venom running through my veins.

"B-back away git..." England warned. I stopped. America wasn't even worth it. America looked guilty, ashamed.

"It doesn't have to be like a dramatic movie type thing.." France added, interrupting my thoughts, "J-just tell him you're sorry,"

Canada suddenly frowned. "Do you even love him?" He asked. The question was offhanded, startling. I did not know how to answer.

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**W-well...um...yea... Please Review, tell me how you think of the story. (so dramatic) **

**Sorry for all the spelling errors, typos, etc.  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Kyaa!~ Thank you readers, You guys are awesome!~ *hugs everyone again***

**lol, I stayed up til one in the morning to publish this XD  
**

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China aru...cuz like...Russia's is hard. **

I sighed, looking through the cupboards. Crying would have to wait until nighttime. Everyone sat in the dining table, silent. Japan was drawing, Thailand was playing a video game. Vietnam was brushing Taiwan's hair and Hong Kong was reading. Korea...was...not Korea. He looked blankly at the wall, doing nothing. Everyone was tense.

"S-so what does everyone want to eat aru?" I asked happily, busying myself with taking out things. Everyone flinched.

Silence.

"Hello aru? What does everyone want?" Korea stood up slamming a fist onto the table, which shuddered at the impact.

"For you to be happy Aniki, that's all," He said angrily. I stayed silent.

"...Aniki? ...say something..." Korea said nervously.

"I guess I'll just make soup then aru," I decided, taking out the ingredients.

We all ate quietly, slowly. It was a first. I felt bad though, knowing that I caused it.

"D-does anyone want to watch a movie aru?"

"No," they replied at the same time.

"W-want to play a g-game then?" I asked.

"No," They said again. I sank back in my chair. They weren't helping me forget. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Hong Kong stood up, to answer it.

"Chi-" He slammed the door shut. I sat up straighter.

"Who was it aru?" I said, as he sat back down.

"No one," He said. I stood up, frowning.

"Sit down," Hong Kong said, looking at me severely. I frowned. Walking towards the door.

"I'll get it," Korea mumbled. I stopped as he went. Again, there was a slamming of the door.

"It's no one Aniki," Korea mumbled, continuing to eat.

"Uh huh.." I nodded, walking. Taiwan stood up, blocking my way.

"There is no way I'm letting you answer the door," He said tightly.

"I-it's Russia isn't it aru?" I said smiling.

"How did you-" Vietnam asked, as I went to open the door. Sure enough, Russia was there, with a bouquet of sunflowers, sitting on the porch swing, looking down, upset.

"Are you looking for anyone aru?" I asked politely. He looked up relieved.

"Ch-"

"Are you looking for anyone aru?" I repeated, a little strained. He looked down again, biting his lip. I walked to the edge of the swing.

"H-here dah," He said, handing me the flowers, not looking up. I took them, confused. They were beautiful. And smelled slightly of Vodka and Russia.

"Who should I give this to aru?" I asked.

"E-eto.." He looked at the trees desperately. The Allies probably sent him here, and were spying on him this very moment.

"You can go aru, no one is forcing you," I smiled reassuring. He looked up at me, torn. I backed away a little.

"R-right," He said shakily, standing up, walking down the steps. I instinctively followed. He froze as I froze with him, realizing what I was doing. I turned around, but he caught my wrist. Again. I tugged slightly, turning around.

"L-look aru, I have to go back t-" I was cut off. He pulled- no, yanked me closer, pressing his lips against mine firmly, stopping my words. He wrapped his hands around my back pulling my closer. I stood there frozen, dropping the flowers. His hand came up to neck, desperately, trying to get a reaction from me.

Someone cleared there throat behind me.

"I dunno why, every time he comes I don't feel like eating..." Korea said suddenly. I blinked, pushing Russia, breaking us apart. I was panting slightly, as Russia stumbled to the floor in a daze, slightly heated. Someone gave a silent cheer behind me. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily, turning toward my family.

I flashed my eyes open, they all backed away a step. I walked towards them, slowly. They all backed away at the same pace.

"E-err...we were about to go back inside.." Thailand smiled nervously, taking his escape with everyone else following him. I sighed again, walking up the steps.

"Ch-china wait.." Russia said behind me. I frowned, stopping at the door, turning around.

"What is it aru?" I asked casually. He got up from the floor, picking up the flowers.

"Sorry dah," He said shakily, "F-for ever thing..." He looked down. I didn't reply. I simply turned around, closing the door gently. He thought that a kiss would make it better...

Darkness. My best friend at the moment. I was on the edge of my bed, rocking back and forth silently. Water pouring from my eyes. Whatever aru. I checked the clock. 4 in the morning. The flowers. I regretted dropping them. And pushing Russia-san away. How many times did I want him to kiss me? And now he did...and I ruined it. My hands went to my mouth automatically. I staggered up. M-maybe Russia-san left the flowers. I checked everyone's room. Korea's was a mess, but he was asleep, as well as everyone else. I opened the door, as cold air greeted me. I shivered looking around. The flowers were at my feet.

For some reason I blushed. I looked around, making sure no one was looking. And who would be awake this time at my house? I quickly picked them up, closing the door. I inhaled Russia's scent with the sunflowers, smiling a little. They were just as bright when Russia-san brought them.

I went back to my room, slipping under the covers. With the flowers next to me. I shivered, still crying. But I felt a bit better. I closed my eyes going to sleep.

I woke up to a scream and clattering of pots. Which was usual. I stretched, getting off the bed, with a minor headache. It was 9 am. I picked up the flowers giving them a whiff before going to the bathroom. I came out, still brushing my hair. I smiled at the flowers, tying my hair, opening the door to my room. There was more noises, I hope Korea didn't burn my kitchen.

I was greeted by an egg breaking on my face. All went quiet. I wiped it off, looking for the culprit.

"What are you guys doing aru?" I groaned. I smacked them all as I went to get a paper towel, wiping my face. I put on my apron and looked at them expectantly.

"I'll clean later, what do you want to eat aru?" Everyone looked away.

"W-we'll cook.." Vietnam.

"Yes," Japan nodded, walking toward me. I frowned.

"Can I not make the food or something aru?" I joked. They shifted.

"Uhh...well, Korea wanted American food, and we'll make it so yea.." Taiwan said nervously.

"We all wanted it!" Korea protested.

"Oh," I said. I wasn't going to eat. I gave my apron to Japan.

"M-make sure they don't make a mess aru," I sighed, walking upstairs again, sitting on the bed. Low arguments came from the kitchen. I grabbed the flowers, staring at the painting.

"If I knew you liked it so much, I would have brought more dah," Came a voice from the window. I gasped.

"W-wha? Russia-san?" I asked. He was sitting on the window-sill, like he was there the whole time. He nodded.

"H-how long have you been here aru?" I asked nervously. His casual friendly face dropped.

"Long enough dah," He said quietly. What does he mean aru? I mentally panicked. He walked closer to me, as I backed away.

"Tell me, do you cry every night when you sleep? Koru koru?" He added pleasantly. I reflexively flinched, holding the flowers closer to me.

"Y-yes," I answered, knowing he knew I wasn't playing dumb.

"Really? And no one knows in your family, koru koru?" I trembled. What was he doing? I shook my head.

"Why?" He asked.

"A-ano," I said breathlessly, "B-becuase b-being a big brother I-I can't show th-them that I-I do aru? Th-that I am hurt?" I asked, unsure.

He walked closer, pressing me to the wall. I trembled, my eyes getting watery.

"Why do you cry dah?" He asked. I clutched the flowers, looking at them. He sighed, pulling the the flowers away from my hand, throwing them over his shoulder. My eyes widened as they fell to the ground in a soft thump.

"M-my f-flowers a-aru.." I choked.

"So? They are just flowers da, besides. I'm the one who gave them to you," He said matter of factly. _B-but I can touch the flowers, holding them as close as I want to...but I can't with you._ I word selfish idly whizzed through my mind.

"Wh-what do you want aru?" I asked tiredly, "Humiliate me? Tire me? Take my happiness aru?" His expression changed abruptly.

"A-Niki!~" Korea said, knocking on the door, "Breakfast is ready!~ And we didn't burn the kitchen!" He said excitedly. I smiled naturally at his enthusiasm. I looked up at Russia expectantly.

"I-if I kiss you will you kiss me back dah?" He whispered. My smile faded as my blood ran cold.

"Kissing someone doesn't make things better aru," I pushed him back slightly, wiping my tears. I opened the door, and walked out.

"Lets see how much of a mess you made aru," I smiled, following him.

**Russia-san **

The window, wide open, let cold air in, making me feel more empty then necessary. He left me. That was twice now. No three. Or Four. Or Ten. Thousand. I turned around, picking up the flowers. How can something so small mean so much to China?

_ "Something so tiny could mean everything to someone," England murmured, still staring at the slice he was given._

Oh.

I heard clattering downstairs. Why did I bother China so much? It's not like I love him. I probably scare him. He was probably terrified, deluding himself into thinking that he loved me. I wasn't someone to be loved. I simply didn't deserve it. I fell to my knees, staring at the flowers. America simply used me. I was not that kind of material. And I was hurting China. Truth was, I wanted to kill America. Not America, Alfred. I wanted to murder Alfred, the one person I trusted the irrational feeling of love with.

"Alfred...I hate you da," I whispered to myself.

"R-russia aru...can you please leave...Korea decided to throw a surprise party for me aru..." China said. But stopped as soon as he saw me. I was probably crying. He trembled, wrapping his arms around my shoulder, shaking me gently.

"R-russia, come on...don't cry," China cooed. I shuddered. He let go of me, lifting my chin up, so we were staring at each others eyes, a few inches apart. I thought he was going to kiss me.

"One tear is worth a million jewels, don't cry aru," He whispered. I blinked, actually stopping.

"A-and wh-what about yours huh?" I asked, "Y-you shattered a lot of jewels then dah.." I trailed off. He shook his head.

"I-it's different for me aru. One tear is simply one drop of moisture, failing to heal hidden but painful wounds," I looked at him confused, barely making sense of his words.

"L-like I believe that, dah" I muttered sarcastically.

"I know you do aru," He smiled.

"A-NIKI!~ THE PARTAY IS COMING UPSTAIRS!~" There were heavy footsteps. His family must have thrown a party at moments notice. The door flew open. We both looked up, our cheeks almost touching. The noise faded quickly.

"I thought we made it clear you were NOT allowed to come," Vietnam said firmly.

"Oh, its Russia," America said, hiding partially behind England. England looked at China, who was blushing looking at the floor. I looked at him blankly. All emotions and feelings for America were gone. I did not love him. I had no reason to love him, since love was so irrational.

"L-leave now..." Taiwan said, trembling.

"You guys aru.." China mumbled, standing up. I stopped him, grabbing his hand.

"N-no I should go," I said, standing up. He didn't reply. He only looked at our interlaced hands, petrified. Everyone fidgeted. I broke away, as he blinked, his eyes a little glassy. He looked up, blinking again, the glassy hollow look gone. His expression was unreadable.

"R-right aru," He looked down. Korea crossed his arms.

"Hurry up, we have a party for Aniki," Korea crossed his arms. I idly wondered how fun it would be to bash his nose into his sku-

"I don't think a party was going to make it any better," France murmured. Korea suddenly looked worn out, defeated.

"S-so Aniki will stay like this forever?" He asked like child. I felt China stiffen, his eyes on Korea. Why couldn't I do that to him? Everyone looked at me for a second then back at China.

France clapped his hands, "I suggest that this is the end of the party. Lets go people," He said, ushering them away.

In the end, only the Allies and Axis stayed. China's family moved to the other room, the walls so thin I could here there crying, swearing, and rants. England and America rest on the bed, as I continued to sit on the floor, holding the flowers loosely. France and Canada were looking out the window, holding their hands lightly. Italy was looking at China's vairuos collection of cute things, as Germany followed, making sure he didn't break anything. Japan switched rooms every few minutes.

"So, did you apologize?" Canada asked, continuing to stare out the window. I nodded.

"Did he accept ve?~" Italy asked, holding up a plushie, placing it gently down again.

"I-I don't know dah.." I replied nervuosly.

"Why not?" Arthur demanded. I flinched.

"I-I don't know!" I cried, putting my head in my face.

"He had nothing to be sorry for aru," We all flinched. China stood at the door frame, Japan behind him nervuosly.

"Of course he did!" England said angrily, getting up from the bed. China looked at him weirdly.

"What did he do aru that was so wrong aru?" China asked.

"uhh...I don't know, everything?" Arthur spat back.

"What do you mean 'everything'? Is it his fault Korea destroyed one of my woks? That America broke up with him aru?" He raised his eyebrows. England blinked.

"W-well..." He was baffled.

"Becuase," France said, diverting his attention to China, "He doesn't love you," China's reaction was surprising. China froze, then stiffly turned to France.

"He w-what aru?" He trembled.

"He doesn't love you..." France mumbled, not as harsh.

"B-but..you s-still like m-me right aru?" He looked at me, his eyes were begging.

"W-well.." I trailed off, unsure of how to answer at the moment.

His eyes glistened, and he quickly wiped his hands across his eyes, "Oh.." His voice was low, slightly distorted, "I-I...need a moment aru," He said in the same voice. He pushed Japan and left.

Silence.

"Why were you so harsh? Dude, that was just...low," America said, his eyes narrowing.

"Low? Low? You are in no position to say that da," I glared at him. France spoke over me.

France shrugged, "I-I know, I do regret it...but its better be told the truth then lied to,"

America sighed, pulling England back down, nestling his neck as England blushed, immeadietly telling him to stop it.

Canada trembled, "W-why i-is- Wh-what on earth does he think he is doing!" He said abruptly, looking at the window, "Going out into the woods at night, in this weather?" He said.

"What?" We all said in unision. Japan opened the lock, throwing open the window.

"Ch-china? Where are you- CHINA!" Japan stopped, looking at Germany, "H-he is gone, I think he is to far to have heard. China runs very fast." Germany nodded.

"Lets go, everyone, he is...small..."Germany struggled, trying to not offend China's appearence, "And can hide very diligently, we need for people, more space to cover." He ordered.

"Just like last time?" England sighed, getting off again. I looked down. Why did I have to mess everything up? I should have lied. France was wrong. It was better to be happy than sad. It had nothing to do with lies and truths.

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**Russia is a hypocrite... :T Dun hate me ;A; **

**Plus, who that one line I wrote? "One tear is worth a million jewels, don't cry..." Well, my mom said my dad use to say that whenever my mom started to cry.. TT^TT It sounded adorable okay?I had to put it... :'D  
**

**Please Review, Fave, Subscribe, and Stuff!~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello dear readers and reviewers. ****Don't hate me and brace yourselves to feel sad and...hating me and Russia. Also, I forgot to add, all those people who are happy I included Canada, who is not forgotten, I love you O-O (Canada=my favorite character {read profile})  
**

**Also: **_HappyChappyWerido _**That's not really what happens, its just that most drama movies often use that plot.( **_xVAMPIRExEMPRESSx _**) Anyone who wants to beat up Russia, there are crowbars in the room to your left :'D**

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China**

I ran. Again. My legs protested. I was such a baby. And a girl. And so childish aru. I skidded to a stop, sending pebbles falling into my favorite stream. I stumbled across this a while back, trying to escape Korea.

I sat against a tree, partly covered by bushes, staring at the running water, my thoughts tumbling as fast as the water rushed by.

They could look for me all they wanted, they weren't going to find me this time. I took a deep breathing, letting my thoughts flow across my mind.

He doesn't love me aru. Or even like me. I was just a minor detail, a Southern Nation. Nothing more. And the worst part? I was acting like a girl, like moping over a break up. I hugged myself tighter. I would not let myself cry. Not this time.

I heard voices calling me, they were probably the wind. Loving Russia-san was wrong. Eventually the moon rose higher in the sky, the voices gone. I closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would come.

**Russia**

"Lets just give up looking for him," England muttered.

"E-ngland...I'm soo tired..." America yawned.

"H-how about we l-look tomorrow?" Canada suggested. The little bear he held was already asleep. Italy was carried by Germany, who decided to collapse onto him ten minutes ago.

"We could bring more people too," Japan suggested.

"I agree," Korea added, stretching his back. Taiwan started nodding off on Hong Kong's shoulder.

"Russia lets-" France started.

"No," I said firmly.

"Fine then," Vietnam snapped, "We are all tired, and China wouldn't approve of us getting sleep deprivation, plus not being able to sleep sucks,"

"Well now you know how China feels every night!" I snapped back. Vietnam stopped walking, as did everyone else.

"It's your fault idiot. China thinks we don't know...but we see him cry himself to sleep every night," Vietnam glared, making me flinch, "Come on everyone, I'm sure we can spare everyone beds," They all shuffled behind her, murmuring.

**China**

It was colder than usual, I noted, looking at the stars. I couldn't sleep. This whole thing was an overreaction. Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll laugh at how overly dramatic I was, having not as strong feelings for Russia-san. We could just pretend to be friends. Now if I could just go to sleep...

Suddenly I heard faint padding of feet. Someone running. I pressed myself to the tree, readjusting the branches of the bushes, so I would remain partially hidden. Russia-san, how likely, stopped seeing the stream, walking now.

"China..." I perked up immediately, though he was staring up at the sky. I looked up too, as the moonlight casted a beautiful glow off his face.

"Yes aru?" I replied, indifferently. He turned, surprised.

"Why do you always sneak up like that dah?" He asked. I shrugged, moving the branches and leaves from the bushes. I patted a seat next to me. Pretend to be friends. He sat sighing. I shivered, wanting to press against him, his warmth.

He must've noticed me shivering, because he suddenly unwrapped his scarf partially. At first I thought he may have gotten hurt, or was warm, but he wrapped it around my neck. It was more than I thought it would be. It was soft, delicate yet thick and warm. And it gave the faint smell of vodka and winter. And Russia. This was like my daydreaming, coming to life. He interlacing around fingers so we were holding hands as he rested against the tree again. It felt nice. Pretend to be friends.

"You seem to get cold often," He stated, his eyes drifting to a close.

"What aru?" I frowned.

"Dah...you can also stay up really loooong," He stifled a yawn. I giggled. Pretending to be friends. Did I come up with knew quotes every other hour? Before I kept saying how unfair everything was, and now this? Not to mention the little thoughts when I was overreacting...

"Are you in this world?" He nudged me, breaking my train of thought.

"Sorry aru, I-I was just...thinking.."

"Bipolar China," He teased. Well it was kinda true. My feelings and moods did change drastically. I guess love does that. It messes with your head.

"What are you thinking of?" He prompted.

"A-ano...stuff aru," He raised his eyebrow, "L-like...my bipolarness and...what I think aru?" It was the only way to sum it up.

"What weird things dah," He smiled. Pretend to be friends, I reminded myself.

Overreaction was worth it.

**Russia POV**

Now that I realized it, it was impossible to not like China. His reactions were adorable, and he was tiny. He was a bit clumsy at times, and stuttered slightly when nervous. But he was also strong, independent, and kept his true serious feelings to himself. He kept himself together. He was also so...likeable. No wonder his siblings were so committed to him.

But he could also end up like America.

"What are you thinking of aru?" He asked tentatively.

"You," I replied, without thinking. He blinked, a strange look on his face, as he blushed looking away so I couldn't see his expression. He turned back at me, the coy blush still in place.

"What _about_ me aru?" He mumbled.

"...e-everything?" I replied, unsure. He smiled, though it was off.

"Where is everyone aru?" He asked quietly, staring at the stream.

"Eto..Vietnam took them saying that 'China wouldn't allow us to stay up looking for him'," I quoted sourly. China smiled.

"Good aru," He said, in a satisfied tone. I glared.

"What do you mean by that da?" I asked darkly.

"The last thing I need to worry is my family getting into trouble in the night aru, I'm glad I taught them how bad it is to get into trouble at situations like this.." He explained. I blinked.

"Explain,"

He shrugged, "I guess its only with families..." He trailed off.

"I have sisters," I persisted.

"W-well how would you like it if right now, one of your sisters were lost, or in danger aru?" He asked. I nodded.

"Oh.." He smiled, resting his head on my shoulder.

"C-can I ask you something aru?" He said, in that quiet low voice. Uh-oh.

"Of course," I smiled at him.

"Well, first I have to apologize," He clarified, "I-I'm sorry for over reacting aru..." He looked down, staring at our hands.

I shook my head, "I don't think you overreacting that much, but..I forgive you...I guess," I replied.

"A-and...y-you don't have to answer th-this b-but..." He fidgeted, "Can I ask something...personal aru?" He looked up at me, with those big, cute eyes.

"Da," I smiled.

"C-can you tell m-me why? W-why you don't l-like me?" I got angry. He had so many people who liked him, and he was asking me such a question...

"Y-you're so full of yourself dah! You-" I pulled away from our physical contact.

He instantly gripped my hand as I tried to pull away, "H-hey...I said you didn't have to answer aru..and that's not what I wanted to ask," He trembled, a hurt look in his eyes. I relaxed slightly feeling intense guilt.

"Oh?" I inquired.

"Yes..I was wondering..c-can I," He stopped himself, but then continued, "C-can I...we...pretend to be friends? J-just for tonight aru?" He asked, his eyes gleaming with innocence.

How could I tell him? I didn't want to pretend, or lie,...and that I was sleepy. If tonight meant 10 minutes then okay...but...

"I shouldn't have asked aru, gomen..." He bowed his head, bringing his knees up reflexively.

"I don't pretend with such things," I said stiffly. He nodded, biting his lip. It was quiet for a few minutes. Not the, comfortable silence, but the tense, awkward one. I was also getting drowsier. I rested my cheek on top on China's head, holding our hands still.

"Th-then why aru?" He asked.

"W-why what da?" I felt a bit disconnected.

"Wh-why do you make me overreact? Wh-why do you always get my hopes up like acting like this aru?" He yelled, throwing his arms into the air. He let go of my hand.

"I-I know I haven't learnt to except this b-but I-I will okay? J-just s-stop..acting l-like this aru!" He shakily unwrapped the scarf, trembling. I caught his hands. He struggled, but gave in, "Wh-what aru?" He asked.

"What do you mean? Except what? And how am I acting dah?"

"L-like you like me aru! L-like you don't hate me!" He pulled again. I let go as he stumbled backwards, falling, giving a cry out in pain. His hand went to his arm. He looked around, then his eyes rested on a rock, hidden by the grass. He picked it up, examining it, then threw it into the stream in frustration.

"Wh-what happened?" I asked frantically.

"N-nothing aru," He said clenching his teeth, standing up. Him and his mood swings. He started walking away, and I grabbed his shoulder.

"What happened? I'm not letting you go until you tell me!" I threatened.

"Oh really aru?" He said darkly, his voice had so much venom it made me flinch. He smacked my hand a way,starting to walk away again.

"B-but I d-don't know where home is..." I said. I was lost, and then stumbled over him. I paused for a second.

"Home is where the heart is aru," He said matter of factly. He sighed, looking over his shoulder, "Follow me then,"

He walked quickly, wincing in pain occasionally. I assumed he got hurt when he fell. I re-wrapped the scarf around me as I followed his pace. We kept turning sharply till we reached his house. It loomed in the darkness.

He walked up the steps quickly, opening the door quietly. He flicked on a light and climbed up the steps.

"W-wait-"I said, but he already went. I sighed walking to the kitchen. What was up with this family? I sat on a chair, next to the kitchen island. I rested my chin on the counter. China walked in a few minutes later, his hair down, wrapping his arm with gauze. He looked up, surprised.

"Oh..I thought you left aru.." He trailed off, stopping.

"What happened to your hand?" I asked flatly.

"E-eto...the rock grazed across...its nothing aru.." He started to make tea. Silence.

"So where is your home then?"

"Hmm?" He turned around from the stove.

"Well you said that 'home is where the heart is' dah, so I was wondering if-"

"Ah.."he said, "Home is...wherever you feel happy, where you feel like you belong, where you feel whole an-" He stopped his sentence. I understood enough.

"Oh," I replied lamely.

"Home for me is my family," He said, rummaging through the cupboards, "And friends. And cute things aru. And yo-" He stopped himself again.

I didn't ask him to finish the last word either.

He pushed me a cup of tea, which I took gladly. He stared into his cup, his expression unreadable. "C-can I a-ask one more aru?" He asked, quietly. He was shaking, the tea moved side to side in the cup.

"Of course, da," I smiled.

"C-can you tell me w-why you...don't like me? At all aru? D-do you hate me?" He looked up, his face streaked with fresh tears. It was literally the same question, only reworded. I walked around the island and sat next to Yao. He looked back down, still trembling.

I turned his chair so China wasn't facing the island but was facing me. He still didn't look up. I cupped his face, tilting his head up.

"Look at me da," I whispered. His eyes flickered to me. We held our eyes together for a long moment.

"You aren't going to answer are you aru?" He bit his lip, "It's a selfish thing to ask isn't it aru?"

"I-I don't know..." I said bewildered.

"I-it's okay, you don't have to aru..I j-just thought.." He looked away, miserably.

"No," I shook my head, "I-I mean..I don't know da..." I said earnestly.

"Oh," He said, understanding, "o-oh.." He said, softer.

"I don't know what to feel," I shrugged.

"What if I told you aru?"

"It wouldn't be real though," I reminded him.

"Love can be learnt too," He replied. I frowned. Oh..right..Wo ai ni...

"Y-you know earlier today da?" He nodded, as I slowly started to change the subject, "Why did you leave like that?"

"I told you I needed a moment aru," He reminded me.

"A moment? More like 3 hours," I rolled my eyes.

"Why do you even care?" he asked abruptly. I frowned.

"I-I don't know.." I blinked, almost forgetting how to open my eyes again. I heard him giggle.

"You should sleep, its almost 4," He said softly, jumping down from the stool, smiling at me a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"I-I am sorry da.." I said, my throat tight.

"For what aru? Not liking me?" He laughed once, "Why would you? I am selfish, small, and annoying aru, you don't need to like me,"

"B-but..I want to...so bad..I want to see you smile and laugh..." What was I saying? I was a hypocrite.

"The fatigue must be getting to you aru," He pushed me.

"No it's not!" I protested weakly.

He ignored my protests, murmuring to himself, "Well...my bed seems to be the only empty one...so.."

He helped me unbutton my jacket, loosening my scarf. America never did that, I observed. Come to think of it, America only did childish things and food. He only showed mild signs of half-hearted affection. A peck on the cheek, a punch on the arm. He never kissed me. I always kissed first. I considered this as China brushed the bangs from my face, pressing his lips softly against my forehead.

"Good night aru," He whispered walking away.

"Aren't you going to sleep with me da?" I asked frantically. He shook his head, "But-"

"Wo ai ni Russia aru," He said, closing the door loudly.

It left me an empty hollow feeling.

**China POV**

I opened my eyes, forgetting who I was. I had a minor headache and it was 10 am on the clock. I was China. Last night I passed out in the hallway. I sat up, on a bed.

"Are you awake da?" came a voice from across the room. I flinched.

"Oh its you aru," I smiled faintly. Today was the day I was supposed to stop overreacting, stop liking Russia-san.

So why did my heart flutter when he talked? _Whatever_, I thought, shrugging it off. He walked closer, smiling at me warmly, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Good morning da," He said, ruffling my hair. I reflexively blushed.

"Aiyaa...morning aru," I looked away, wishing my stupid reactions would stop.

He nodded leaning in.

"Where is everyone aru?" I asked.

"hm? Oh, asleep...Hong Kong and Thailand are awake though, but Thailand left da. I think they found you passed out on the floor or something," He filled in for me. I climbed out of bed, stretching.

"China I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you da," He said suddenly.

"Wha?"

"W-well-"

"N-no I heard you...but you already apologized, and I accept...but why so sudden aru?"

"I-I don't like hurting you da," He replied.

I shrugged, "Whatever aru, you did not hurt me really aru," I said, speaking in a matter of fact tone. My heart ached in protest.

"Oh..well...in case..da" I smiled.

The flowers were gone. I searched everywhere. It was six in the evening, everyone left. Russia was the last one to leave. I glanced at the cut I got, hoping it wouldn't scar.

"Whatchya looking for Aniki?" Korea asked. Korea was more then happy to see my 'back to my old self"' again.

"N-nothing aru," I had to stop getting all obsessed with those flowers...

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**Aiyaa... Russia is so mean. *hides and dodges food again***

**Erm..please Review. Please. Seriously, I have this friend who reads this as well. And she refuses to tell me what she thinks of the story, let alone the way I write.  
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	6. Chapter 6

**I'm soo sorry for not updating as quick. I was a bit busy with the holidays, etc. Please review and enjoy!~ **

**I switch POV quickly in this, because both things are happening at the same time, etc. (gomen!)**

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**Russia POV**

I took another swig of Vodka, staring at the ceiling. I flicked the bottle with my wrist, hearing a crash as it broke on the wall. It had been weeks since I last saw China. I gritted my teeth, sitting up on my bed. I had no reason to go there. I smiled at myself. I was an idiot.

_ I hate China, remember Ivan, I hate him da._I reminded myself.

There was a soft knock on the door, "R-russi-ia s-san...Br-breakfast is ready," Latvia called. I groaned getting up, kicking bottles as I walked. I wasn't really hungry. I opened the door, to a trembling Latvia. As soon as he saw me he mumbled and excused himself, saying he was going somewhere.

I wanted China's company more than I should. But being with China meant I could mess up, like I did with America. And I didn't want China hurt that way.

"Niiii-saaan?" Bela came sauntering into the hallway. I flinched.

"Wh-what is it da?" I asked politely.

"Are you okay? You seem to be out of it Nii-san," She whispered. I shivered as she walked too close to me.

"I'm fine..." I trailed off, trembling. Her fingers trailed up and down my arm.

"You sure Nii-san?" She smiled at me. I nodded.

"E-estonia!" I called, for a diversion.

"Oh, they all left Nii-san," She smiled.

"Wh-where?"

"Oh...where Baltic Nations go...out and about," She smirked. She led me slowly to the living room. _How was I going to get out of this one, da? _I panicked. The smell of breakfast drifted from the kitchen.

I sat down nervously on the couch as she flopped down next to me, flipping on the television to some drama serial she liked watching. My mind reeled as I relaxed slightly. For a few minutes she watched, not really staring at the screen. She suddenly put it on mute, turning to me leaning in.

"I'm bored," She purred. I flinched.

"W-well...do you want to play a game? Take a walk? T-to...France da?" I asked frantically. Was that far enough? She shook her head. She got up, cupping my face, then straddled me.

"Mm...no...that's not what I had in mind...Nii-san.." She murmured. I trembled, looking around desperately.

Something caught my eye. It was a white envelope. Not just any envelope, it had my name in bold letters. I reached for it, grabbing it, as she froze.

"That's just junk mail.." She hissed, trying to snatch it.

"No.. Lithuania would've taken care of that.." I trailed off. I got these envelopes every month. The letter inside always said when the next world meeting was held-

"Where are the Baltics? And Ukraine?" I said flatly, forgetting the fact she was straddling me.

"Oh...just a world meeting...Ukraine will tell us if there is anythi-"

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" I cut her off. It was an excuse to see China!

"W-well...on the bright side...we have the whole day to ourselves," She smirked, cupping my face. I smacked her arm away, pushing her off me, opening the letter. I skimmed through most of it, till I got to the more vital information. It was today. In one hour. In New York, where most of the world meetings were held. I could make it there in time. If I hurried.

I stood up, throwing the letter behind me.

"Nii-san.." She said brokenly, slithering to the floor in despair. I glanced down at her, "A-are you leaving me? F-for A-america?" She said, her eyes watering.

"N-no I broke up with him remember da?" I smiled, reaching a hand out. She smacked it away.

"Th-then which fag is it this time?" She snarled, standing up herself. I blinked. I needed an excuse.

"N-no one..world meetings are importa-" She didn't let me finish.

"That's not gonna work this time, Nii-san. Is it our Southern neighbor? Huh? It's his fault you broke all your bones when he pushed you off that stupid plane!" She half-yelled. And the worst part was, she guessed the right person.

"China did _not_ push me off the plane, and I did _not_ break all my bones!" I shot back. She scoffed.

"It's almost like you _don't_ want to marry me?" She asked I shuddered.

"No I don't," I I said simply, even though I was trembling.

"What did that fag do to you?" Her eyes narrowed. I clenched my fists.

"China is not a fag and he didn't do anything to me wrong," I said quietly.

"Why does it matter what I call him? I thought you didn't like him Nii-san," She said.

"I love him da, so stop calling him that and blaming everything on Yao!" I snapped. She gasped. My hand went to my mouth in shock as well. I didn't think of what I was saying. The sentence came out naturally.

_I hate China, remember Ivan, I hate him da. _

Suddenly my brain couldn't comprehend hate for China. My heart refused. Because I loved him, even though I was fighting against it. Fuck.

"You what?" She hissed, crouching like a predator. I took a step back.

"I love him," I said, staring her down. She straightened up, tucking her hair behind her ear which fell out of place.

"Well, I don't care, because, you know, it will hit you, you love me better than him. also, he doesn't love you back as much as I love you," She replied.

"He d-does love me," I said weakly. Even though I hurt him and broke his heart...

"He'll be just like America," She smiled. I shook my head. She raised her eyebrows.

"No he won't da, and if you'll excuse me sister, I have a meeting to attend to.." I dared. I walked passed her, heading for the door.

"There is no way you'll beat me Nii-san," She said, grabbing my shoulder roughly. She came from behind and whispered in my ear, "You better hurry..or else," I turned around to see her gone.

* * *

**China's POV**

I sat dutifully in my chair, nervously flickering glances at Russia-san's chair. Which was empty.

_ Relax aru, the meeting starts in 45 minutes...I can relax._

I breathed in and out. Ukraine, his sister was here, and so was the Baltic Nations but Russia-san...

What Russia-san did was none of my business. If he can't make it, that's not my problem. I slumped in my seat. I had to learn to stop thinking about him. If he missed one meeting it was fine. I tugged on my collar absent-mindedly, staring at Russia-san's seat, imagining him sitting there, smiling at me. Then getting up, walking towards me, leaning down, tilting my head up, whispering the 3 words I wanted to here him say to me.

I had let a fantasy form. My eyes watered. Shit. No crying, not one tear, I reminded myself. Someone tapped my shoulder. I looked up startled. It was Belarus, Russia-san's other sister.

"You must be the fa- China," She smiled at me. I frowned. She looked pretty, and friendly, but her eyes seemed off. I nodded. She didn't recognize me?

"That would be me aru," I smiled politely.

"Can I talk to you privately for a moment outside? About Russia?" She raised one of her eyebrows. I nodded immediately. She nonchalantly walked out the doors as I followed.

She closed the huge doors of the meeting room, walking left in the dim tilted hallway, till we were in front of a smaller office door. I felt confused.

"What were you saying about Russia-san aru?" I asked instantly, when she stopped walking. She turned around, glaring at me furious. I took a step back, recoiling instantly.

"You can't afford to say his name," She said quietly, deadly.

"What do you mean aru?" I asked, nervous. She suddenly withdrew her arm, then snapped it, punched me if the stomach.

"It'll cost you," She smiled. I blinked from the impact and pain, my hands wrapping around my waist reflexively. Did Russia sent her to hurt me?

"Wh-what was that for aru?" I choked out.

"Well...for ruining Russia's brain, and ruining my whole day.."

"But Russia-" She pushed me to the wall.

"I told you..you can't afford to say his name. You don't deserve it. Or touching him, talking to him, fuck, even looking at him will cost you," She threatened. I looked around. I hadn't thought of her as a threat. The hallway was so poorly lit I could barely make out her lethal expression.

"C-cost me what aru?" I asked cautiously. Belarus was serious.

"Pain mostly," She smiled suddenly. She was probably drunk, Russia drank a lot of Vodka so I'm sure she did too, I reassured myself. Suddenly I felt a thump on my head as everything turned black.

* * *

**Russia-san POV**

I stood there frozen. I didn't have time to think of what she said. I immediately freshened up, something I never really thought of doing. Or cared really.

I walked hurriedly down the streets, looking for something. It would be weird if I came empty handed. Or was it? I sighed. I wasn't good with stuff like this. It was easy with America. But America was fake with me. Suddenly I came across a flower shop. One I pass almost every time I'm out and about, or went to buy sunflowers. My eyes skimmed over the display as I walked in.

There was the ringing of bells as I opened the door, signaling a customer came in. The lady who owned the shop had thick rimmed glasses and looked like she was in her mid 40s. She looked up from her magazine, smiling at me.

"Ah, Russia-san, what will it be?" The lady said, reaching for the sunflowers. I shook my head, "No sunflowers?" She asked, her eyes widened.

"No thank you," I looked at her wide selection of flowers. Lilacs, tulips, carnations, lilies, orchids...Nothing seemed to fit. I wondered why I was getting him flowers in the first place. He seemed to be happy with what I brought him last time.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" She asked kindly. I shrugged. She suddenly started to rummage through the shelves, taking out a new book with a glossy cover.

"Its a book about Victorian Floral Language," She explained, shrugging, "Some french guy gave it to me," I reached for it immediately. I skimmed through it, looking around the store rather than the book. My eye caught some roses. I walked toward them, putting down the thick book she gave me. I reached for them.

"I want these da," I said eagerly.

"The red roses?"

"Da," I replied.

"Well, you should check what it means," She smiled thoughtfully. She was too over helpful. But I did it anyway as she carefully selected the biggest, brightest flowers. I mostly skimmed through the page which talked about the history, the complex meaning, and so on. I fell upon a single word._ Love. _

_ It's perfect. _

She handed me the flowers, as I payed, leaving.

"Good luck," She waved. I nodded, walking out.

_Definitely over helpful, but thanks anyway. _I mentally thought. Thirty more minutes till the meeting started. Why was I in a hurry anyway? It wouldn't matter if I cut the meeting or came late. China would always be there. I walked down the road happily, taking my time, enjoying such a light, happy feeling.

* * *

**China POV**

My head rolled to the side as I woke up groggily. Wait! I sat up, blinking in the dark. Suddenly a light flicked on.

"You've woke up quicker than I thought," Belarus smiled from across the small office room, her feet on the table, admiring her knife. Knife. I gulped.

"I would've enjoyed hurting you more," She murmured, examining the weapon quietly.

"Wh-what did you do aru?" I rasped, my throat felt weird. My whole body felt weird. In a bad way. It hurt. But I refused to look down.

"Oh nothing," She looked up, her eyes dark. I flinched.

"_Why_ are you doing this aru?" I questioned. No one in the right mind would hurt someone else like this.

"Because," She stared blankly at the wall, "You deserve it...and you took my happiness," I looked at her, trying to decipher what she meant.

"How? M-maybe I c-can-"

"Shut up. Shut up." She repeated, getting up from her chair, making her way towards me. This time she pressed a hand cloth to my mouth and nose. I wasn't an idiot. I knew what chloroform would do. I didn't breath in.

"I would let you stay conscious...but they might here your screams," I felt fury, as I pushed off her hand smacking the cloth away. I was too clever to fall for chloroform on a piece of cloth. **(to lazy to search in detail)  
**

She started to tremble, "N-no...matter...he hates you anyway," She grinned, then burst into laughter. I stood there in shock. She reached for the door, dragging me out. My body ached in protest and my hand, which got cut started to sting.

She turned slightly, "Well aren't you going to come? He'll be here soon, I'm sure you want to see him," She suggested, still giggling.

"I don't deserve to look at him aru," I muttered quietly. She snickered. She pushed me out of the small office, into the dimly lit hallway again. Belarus made her way to the meeting room.

"Well at least I taught you something," She threw open the doors to the meeting, entered, and closing the door fully. I slumped against the wall. No one could see me, even if they were to look in this direction. I was too far and it was too dark here. I looked down.

It was bad enough to get hurt physically for loving something, let alone by a girl. I thought she was sweet and nice. She probably did it to protect her brother. I looked at myself. Purple bruises on my exposed skin had started to form. There were more underneath my dress shirt. Blood was leaking from my fore arm. Belarus cut directly over the one I got while I tried to pull myself away from Russia at my hideout.

Fuck. Why did it have to be like this? I thought I was doing so well...I slid off my rubber band, throwing it in frustration. It didn't make a sound to my disappointment.

I checked my watch. It was 10 minutes into the meeting, Russia was probably there. He probably didn't care I wasn't here, I highly doubt he noticed.

Pain rippled through my chest. No crying. Not one tear.

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**Hopefully the next chapter will be up quickly. Also, if there is any confusion its probably cuz I have so many ideas, and when I put into words it gets kinda garbled up. If you need any clearing up let me know XD**


	7. Chapter 7

**I guess I haven't updated as fast as I thought I would sorry.**

**Just some things I wanted to clear up. **  
**KeaiXiongmao: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I only used Japanese words becuase Hetalia is, ya know, Japanese. xD**  
**:IloveMark: Yes it means 'yes', :P. In Hetalia Archives is says that "Russia ends many of his sentences with 'da', the Russian word for 'yes', although in Japanese it is often used to confirm the topic of the sentence, as an informal form of 'desu', the ubiquitous form of 'to be'." **

**And everyone else who called Belarus a bitch...thanks. O-O**

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**Russia POV**

It was already crowded in New York, though it was barely morning. I thought of what I told Belarus, and how treated her. I felt a pang of guilt.

_"There is no way you'll beat me Nii-san," She said. She came from behind and whispered in my ear, "You better hurry..or else,"_

_Or else? Or else what?_ I thought confused. It wasn't like she would hurt China...

I squeezed my eyes shut. Of course she would. I was an idiot. And here I was in euphoria while he suffered. Belarus probably would be done hurting him by now. I shivered unpleasantly.

I hurried to the meeting room, not bothering to check in. The receptionist glanced at me, writing my name for me, going back to her magazine.

I flung open the wide doors, my eyes falling to China's seat. It was empty. Empty.

"China!" I asked. The whole meeting stopped, as many people gave me annoyed glances.

"Ah..Nii-san...China couldn't..make it," Belarus smirked, standing up.

"But China was here..wasn't he Japan?" Vietnam murmured, staring at China's empty seat. Japan nodded. They didn't really take it to notice when China left.

"What did you do korukoru?" I asked. Everyone flinched except for her.

"Nothing.." She said innocently. She eyed the red roses, her temper flared, "Nothing I shouldn't have done," She added.

* * *

**China POV**

I saw Russia back away from door, throwing the flowers in my direction in anger, still bickering with his sister. Surprisingly, it hitting my face. He had a good aim without realizing it. I turned to the flowers. They were red roses. I got to my knees, hesitantly, reaching for the.

_She didn't say anything about his stuff aru, one whiff won't hurt. Touching it won't cost me aru. _

I grasped the metallic paper it was wrapped in, pulling them closer.. I heard the door slam as I froze. I turned around to see Russia banged his head on the door, sinking to the ground. I let go of them immediately, pressing myself to the wall, wishing I was invisible. I threw the flowers closer to him while he wasn't looking. He turned when he heard the soft _thump_. He eagerly reached for them, peering into the darkness. I closed my eyes, hoping he would get up and go.

"China, I always find you in the weirdest places," Russia said brightly, "So you did decide to skip the meeting huh? I will to then da.." He walked closer to me. I closed my eyes. _Just go_, I mentally told him. I'm in more pain then necessary.

"Y-yao..." He said brokenly, gasping, looking at me. My white dress shirt was not torn or anything, so most of the bruises were hidden. The blood trickling out of my cut was not. He scooted to me, his eyes wide.

'No' I mouthed in protest.

His hand shakily reached out towards me, "I-is that you Y-yao?" He trembled. I nodded, backing away. He didn't recognize me...what _did_ I look like?

I didn't deserve his touch.

"Wh-what happened dah? Say something!" He tried grabbing me, but I backed away too fast for him as he grasped air.

"Russia a-aru," I said, then clamped my hand over my mouth. I can't talk to him. I don't deserve to. Belarus might hurt me again.

"Y-yes da?" He reached out towards me, again.

I opened my mouth wordlessly, wishing I could say something. He grabbed my shoulders hesitantly, dragging me closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me, my face in his chest, his cheek resting on the top of my head. He could touch me. I just couldn't touch him.

Fuck that.

I bet Belarus fucked up the way I thought too.

I bought my arms up, wrapping around hims waist, holding him tighter then I ever had, wishing that would keep him in my arms forever.

"I-it hurts aru.." I mumbled in his chest, giving violent jerks as I sobbed. I was overreacting. I was acting dramatically and like a girl. Who cared?

"I-I-I'm sorry da," He whispered, stroking my hair gently. I closed my eyes, enjoying it. He tilted my face up, leaning in so our foreheads met.

"Are you hurt? Ph-physically?" He asked specifically. I shrugged, that was whatever. Inside was worse...but he couldn't fix that. He lifted me off bridal style, cradling me.

"I can't see here," He he explained, for the hallway was to dark. Russia-san kicked open the small office room.

He turned on the light, then placed me gently on the desk. I looked down at myself. My white dress shirt had splotches of blood on my arm. He grabbed me roughly, staring into my eyes.

"Wh-what happened?"

"I paid for my wrong doings..by a girl," I laughed once humorlessly.

"How come you let her hurt you! You should've done something da!...I'm going to kill her," He said murderously.

"First of all, I deserve it, Second, I don't care what she did, and third. You hurt me worse than she did and I don't see you killing yourself aru," I shot back, not sure why I was protecting her.

"You wouldn't allow it. Believe me I would da," He looked at me tenderly. I couldn't argue.

"L-lets see where you got hurt," He started to unbutton it.

"Hey!" I protested, grabbing his wrists, blushing, "What are you doing aru?" I asked, nervous.

He looked confused, "Checking your bruises.."

"I can do that myself aru! and they aren't that big of a dea-"

"Or does Yao-yao not want me to see him shirtless da?" He replied playfully.

"Of course! Wh-what if you see something you don't like aru?" I countered frantically. He chuckled, awkwardly, taking a step back.

"W-we aren't having sex or anything Yao.." He reasoned. I flushed.

"R-right aru," I slipped off my dress shirt slightly. I heard his breath hitch. I looked away, blushing deeper.

"I-I could have stopped this da," He brushed a hand over my bruises on my collar bone. Those would heal easily. She didn't hurt me that bad.

Russia unbuttoned more, revealing a few more bruises, and I reached out immediately to stop him, biting my lip.

"Yao," He said firmly. I shook my head. It was too weird and i thought wrong. We met each others eyes.

Just then the door decided to bust open, spilling in the usual. My family, the allies, Bela, Ukraine. I sighed, looking away.

I think they all got the wrong picture. Japan immediately turned around, clamping his hand around his nose. France gave _that_ look, as America and England looked at us, there eyes wide. My family was...in shock. Tawain took a step behind Hong Kong. But Bela was there, glaring at my icily. I looked down, ashamed.

"Wh-what.." Korea was lost for words. I immediately pushed Russia back, whispering, 'I told you aru'.

His eyes were on Belarus.

"What are you doing?" Vietnam said in wonder.

"W-well.." I tried explain, trying to break Russia-san's hold on me.

"No da! You can't move, you-"

"Again." Korea said, so loudly that it droned out everyone else. It was silent, "You hurt Aniki again. I bet if we didn't come here you would have probably raped him by now!" Korea was quivering. My family gasped, getting a good look at me. Murmurs rippled.

Suddenly I saw what they were seeing. Russia unbuttoning my shirt. Exposed bruises. Aiyaa...

I suddenly held Russia-san's forearms, a bit too tightly.

Russia-san was still looking at his sister, concerned and a bit frantic, ignoring what Korea said. Belarus eyes watered.

"NII-SAN!" She screamed out. Russia flinched, "I-I thought...how could you Nii-san?" She asked, her expression was grieved. She suddenly ran out of the room.

"Bela da!" He said, turning away from me, ready to follow her. I could feel my hands tighten its grip, I didn't want Russia to leave me. Russia pulling away from me, giving me a pissed off look. It happened in half a second.

"I-Ivan..." I whispered to myself.

"Wait da!" He yelled, pushing everyone. He left me...when I really needed him. I didn't have answers_ they_ wanted. A violent cold shiver ran through my core.

"China..." everyone murmured, reaching toward me.

"Someone move him...the place is so tiny..."

"Look at all those bruises..."

"Russia hurt him bad..."

I refuse to budge. I was not leaving this room till Russia came. I felt myself getting carried, getting ignored as I weakly protested. I was in the meeting room, huge, with everyone there. Many nations I didn't mingle with left. America apologized, and asked them to leave. Germany and Italy left too, along with most of the European countries.

The Allies stayed though. As well as the Baltics and Ukraine. Japan had a tissue, pinching his nose. My family stayed.

I heard everyone whispering to me quietly, asking for what happened. I answered, not sure what I was saying.

"I dunno...I asked him who did it and he said 'rice'..." America told England confused.

I smiled at my stupidity. Russia would have laughed. I sighed, staring at the floor. My mind wandered to the time I painted to sunflowers, or when Russia and I sat side by side, close together in my hiding place. I closed my eyes, not wanting to fall asleep, not wanting to be awake.

* * *

**Russia POV**

I ran through the halls, following my sister. We ended up in a garden, part of the huge building. She sat down on a bench, facing a fountain, shaking. I came up behind her.

"Bela?" I asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinched.

"It's okay Nii-san...go h-help that fa- China," She looked away, sneering.

"You're my sister da...China is..."

"Only the one person you love..." She glared at the fountain coldly.

"No h-he is not! Be-" I tried to reason with her.

"Am I not good enough Nii-san? I love you more than anything else in the world, is that bad?" She looked up, her face streaked with tears. My eyes widened. Bela never acting like this. She was acting cute, innocent, like a sister. Though the situation was very un-sisterly like.

"I do love you da...but only-"

"Like a sister I know Nii-san," She said softly. I sat down next to her, wrapping my arms around her in comfort. I was a heart breaker.

I nodded, "Why don't you understand da? I don't want to marry you?" I said, not sure how else to put it.

"W-well, even if we weren't related you wouldn't love me that way," Her eyes narrowed.

"B-because I love China da," I explained. If she wasn't my sister, I would probably stay away from her, I thought guiltily.

Bela looked up at the sky, "W-well...first..you were with America...then...China...so I thought if you mess up with China...you would pick me..." She looked upset, admitting this out loud. Her tears fell freely now, she didn't look like she cared.

I waited, unsure what to say.

"I made you miss this meeting, hoping you would forget China...and...love me...I wore white in case we were going to get married today," She laughed, at her stupidity. Now that I noticed, she was wearing a pure white bow and white dress. I shuddered.

"I-I'm the one who hurt China...I don't know what I was thinking...but he is weak...pathetic Nii-san," She lifted a finger up, to stop my protests, "B-but..it wasn't your little sister who thought that. It was a monster Nii-san. And I agreed with the monster. China wasn't weak and pathetic. I convinced him somehow that he deserved it, and made him give in,"

I felt confused. Monster? What monster? Was she saying- oh. It was purely anger. An irrational outburst of anger which made her hurt China.

She shivered. I looked down, angry, "But you still hate him," I pointed out.

"I don't hate him Nii-san...I used to," She rested her head on my shoulder.

"B-but you hurt him so much da! You..you..."

"If I recall, you were the one who caused it, you are the one that made him cry everyday and night, you are the one he wants but deludes himself into thinking he can't. The last thing may or may not be true..considering its your decision," She flicked a glance at me. Every word she said pierced me. Was this what China felt everyday? How come I was the only one who doesn't know.

"How come I'm the one who never understands him da?" I have growled upset.

"Because you are blind, anyone can see how much pain you put him through. Even America," She snapped back.

"B-but...I wasn't talking about that...I was talking about...what happened today da," I trembled, trying to make it seem like it wasn't my fault. Pushing those thoughts aside, to deal with later.

"Fine then, Nii-san, tell me something. When you ran out and followed me, did China still need you? Did he try stopping you? At all?" She looked at me waiting.

"Of course not China-" I stopped abruptly. He did. He whispered my first name. He gripped me tighter, knowing Bela was going to leave and that I was probably going to follow.

"But noo...you leave him alone, with people who had questions, and wanted answers he didn't want to give..." She concluded.

"W-who's side are you on?" I trembled.

"Yours, always yours. Even if I love someone else...just know I love you the most," She smiled.

"R-really? It seems like its China's..."

"Oh...you mean that..." Her eyes darkened momentarily, "You hurt China...and China didn't do anything Nii-san, he has my empathy,"

"Are you saying..."

"That I don't want to marry you?" She smiled. I nodded once.

"Of course I do. I just...w-want you to be happy. I'll learn to let go...and find someone else.." She smiled looking back up again. It was silent for a few minutes.

"Have I confused you?" She tilted her head to the downward, staring into my eyes. I nodded. She sighed.

"W-well...lets just say...all I want now is for you to be happy..and I'll try acting like a sister," Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. I cupped her face.

"Thanks da," I kissed her forehead.

She stood up, "Now...to make amends," She left quickly, before I could comprehend what she meant.

* * *

**YAY! Belarus isn't as much of a bitch anymore. I tried to interlace Belarus's personality with a happy ending for**** herself. Because, I like her this story will have a happy ending .**

** Anyway hope you like the story and please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I am very sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have no excuse except the lames ones; more yaoi, homework, projects, etc. XD **

**

* * *

China's POV**

I stared at the door blankly, waiting for Russia to come and take me to a place where the people weren't so annoying. My bruises started to hurt slightly, and my cut stung. The door did open eventually, first a crack, then all the way.

Bela walked in, stiffly, her eyes slightly red. She was probably ready to kill me now. She quickened her pace as she saw me, stopping a few feet away. She extended her arm out.

"I-I'm sorry aru!" I flinched, sliding back on the table, "I-I won't do it again! I-I..." I trembled. She suddenly grabbed my left wrist as I froze, petrified. She turned it slowly, revealing the gash, shallow, but long.I stared at her. Was she going to do something to it? She reached for her pocket taking out a long bandage roll. She started to dress my wound, wrapping the roll around it multiple times.

"...I cut your left arm because you held Nii-san's hand with that...I wanted to cut it off...but thought better not to..." She smirked, looking up at me. I quivered.

"Wh-what aru?" I asked, questioning if she was okay.

"I-I'm sorry China...Russia doesn't hate you, and...You don't deserve to pay for sins you didn't even commit...I-I'm sorry for hurting you..you didn't deserve that either," She looked like she meant that.

"He _does_ hate me aru," I inquired.

Her eyes narrowed, "Cut the crap, no he doesn't,"

"Yes he does aru. I protested," A cold shiver ran through my spine. She stared at me, incredulous.

"W-where is he aru?" I asked quietly.

"I-I don't know..I told him I'm going to go make amends...I thought he was going to follow me...but," She stopped, evaluating my expression, struggling whether or not to continue.

"He didn't aru..." I smiled.

"N-no but..." She suddenly glared, not at be...but for a past event, "H-he left you...when you probably needed him more than I did,"

"Actually...not really...since he doesn't lov-" I started to explain. Bela suddenly walked out, coming back, with a worn down rose bouquet.

"Why would he get roses?" She prompted. Suddenly I was tired of flowers. I wanted Russia, his laughter, his joy, his smiles to be mine. Not thess confusing flowers.

I smacked it away, glaring at her.

"I don't give a shit about roses or flowers anymore," I told her coldly.

"Y-you should have told me earlier da...I wouldn't have wasted time getting them them..." Came a voice behind Belarus. She turned around, as a peeked out from behind her. It was Russia, quivering in anger by the door.

Getting worked up over flowers? That hypocrite. He walked closer to us, sauntering almost. I rolled my eyes, looking at my lap.

Bela walked to him smiling, "Nii-san...lets talk..." She extended her arms. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the Baltics press themselves to the wall, trembling. The slipped away using the door.

Ukraine also went up, "R-russia-san...l-lets go home!~"

"Get out of my way," He said coldly, his eyes never leaving mine.

Bela grabbed his wrist, "I''m not letting you go till you calm down, its just flowers..." She warned.

"Fine, I'll drag you with me," He walked quickly, Bela stumbling behind him.

I sat on the table, cowering like the idiot I was. I looked up like a little child, as his darkened eyes pierced through me. Aiyaa.

Belarus let go of Russia, but hovered a few feet away. He placed a hand on either side of me.

"Repeat what you just said da, I dare you," He threatened. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't give a fuck about your damn roses aru!" I yelled back at him. He pushed me to the table, pinning me there. He shackled my wrists with his hands pinning them above my head, leaning in. It hurt.

"Why?" He demanded, whispering.

"I don't care if they are for your sister or America, I don't care okay aru! J-just leave me alone!" I cried, "L-let go! I-it hurts aru! I give up okay! I give up!" I said desperately.

He laughed. He honestly laughed. I sat up.

"I-is me getting hurt funny to you aru?" I asked in disbelief. He nodded, still laughing. I slid off the table rolling my sleeves up, "I-if hurting me is funny, I'll give you something to laugh about aru."

"Wh-what are you going to do? Punch me?" He chuckled shaking his head, "Yao you're so-"

I tackled him. Hitting his chest as hard as I could, hoping it would make him feel what I was feeling. I felt weak, humiliated, and pathetic. And it hurt.

"Are you trying to make me laugh or-?" He said, suppressing a smile. I looked up. My eyes narrowed as I felt anger flow through me. I clenched my fists tighter, pulling back, then flinging it into Russia's face.

I punched him.

He stumbled back, though my victory was short. He clutched his face, hair falling onto his face. Almost immediately a dark aura emitted from him.

"Wo ai ni, Russia-san," I smiled cruelly.I felt...strange, like, I wanted to hurt him more. I also felt disgusted with myself.

"Why don't you hate me da?" Russia asked, realizing how mean he was acting.

"I thought you came here to tell China what you told me, and say sorry, not laugh at him and ask him why he doesn't hate you," Belarus sighed.

"..."

"I guess you aren't going to fix the mess..." She talked to herself, realizing Russia wouldn't respond. "But," Belarus sighed, "He isn't repairable...Nii-san..how could you ruin something like this?" She sank to her knees, wrapping her arms around me, sighing. I froze. What was up with her?

Ukraine walked up to me too, whispering, "A-are you okay China-san?" She asked wide eyed. I nodded.

"Sorry...China...sorry...I thought..." Belarus struggled to get her words out right.

"We all thought," I finished, closing my eyes. Belarus accepted me?

"I-I don't want to be masochistic anymore aru..." I whispered at Belarus, opening my eyes.

"Sorry China," Bela whispered. Ukraine stayed where she was, looking at us anxiuosly.

"A-aren't you going to do something Russia-san?" Ukraine chided him gently.

Russia suddenly looked deadly...dark. I shivered. What was wrong with him? His eyes were the usual purple, but they looked angry, dark. He grabbed my wrist, as he started to walk to the door.

"Hey! First you hurt him and now you are taking him!" Korea yelled. Russia stopped, striding to Korea.

"What was that?" He asked Korea softly, with a twisted smile. Korea looked at him wide eyed.

"U-um...I think Japan is c-calling me, Bye Russia!" He waved, about to turn, but Russia caught his wrist. Korea whimpered. I stuttered closer.

"H-hey...stop that..." Russia's grip tightened more.

I extended my arm out, grasping Russia's shoulder, so I wouldn't fall. I don't know why I couldn't walk. My legs were fine.

"Stop it," I whispered. "He didn't do anything wrong," I chided. Miraculously he let go of Korea, who yelped, skittering back a few steps.

His wrist was red, but it seemed fine. Russia sighed, then took my hand, not to hurt me, but to storm out of the room, dragging me along. No one stopped him. We mostly walked through the dense city, till we were away from the UN, near my house. (**er...don't ask how it happened) **

He stopped unexpectedly, running his fingers through his hair, turning to me. We were in the part of forest I recognized.

"Finally, I place where I can speak without getting interrupted by...certain people," He finished, narrowing his eyes.

"Okay, Yao, please don't interrupt, okay da?" I nodded. He took a deep breath, trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining everything. I'm sorry for loving America. I'm sorry for not getting over him. I'm sorry I can't love you back-" I opened my mouth to speak but he placed a finger on it, silencing me.

"I'm sorry for a lot for China. I'm sorry for hurting your family, for sending those flowers, f-for making you think that way..." He took another deep breath.

"Th-this might be a terrible excuse but...I d-don't know what to do anymore da...Bela is acting all weird, which makes me very scared. This morning she wanted me to marry her and now she wants me to be happy," He looked at me miserably, "And, America used me, and that hurt me a lot, because i took it seriously, and he decided not to. I-I feel so confused da...l-loving you back would make things worse and-"

I clamped my hand over his mouth, staring at him for a immeasurable amount of time. His eyes were slightly watery, and he looked to vulnerable.

I had to stand up on my tip toes, to my embarrassment, so our noses touch.

"H-how does loving me make it all worse aru?" I asked. He was right, those were lame excuses. Even saying 'I can't love you and I won't' would have been better.

"B-because...you ruined...me." He said softly. The anger I felt returned. Was I not good enough? _He_ ruined me!

"And?" I asked.

"W-well...I don't know! You're confusing me!" He pushed me slightly, so I stumbled back on my heels. "I-I told Bela that I love you...so she would leave me alone..and then...then..I believed it myself and got roses...and then..." He stopped himself. I smiled at him. Its okay if he didn't love me, I reminded myself. I slowly walked closer to him, going on my tip toes again, wrapped my arms around his neck.

"B-bend down a l-little aru.." I blushed. He looked at me, pausing but did as he was told.

"C-can I tell you why I think you should think that loving me _won't_ ruin you aru?" I whispered.

He gave me a quizzical look "Ch-china...it won't change my mind, which is why I'm s-sorry-"

I pressed my mouth against his urgently, holding his scarf with one hand to pull him closer. He had to see it coming.

My eyes drifted close. I never tried kissing him back...but it was nice. I crushed myself closer to him, hoping he would respond. Or just go along with it. His hands hovered in the air for a second, but wrapped around my waist, bringing me even closer. I shivered, as I felt a sudden jolt. For now it seemed like he wanted me. But...how long could I kiss last.

I pulled back, pressing against his chest. He must've taken it the wrong way. He forced my mouth open, kissing me deeper. My eyes flashed open at once. I-it felt weird at first, I forgot to breath for the first few seconds.

Then it turned into a huge mess. I don't know how I ended up on the floor, him on top of me. The atmosphere changed abruptly. I don't know why my simple kiss turned into a hungry, passionate one. Or why we were doing this for so long. Our tongues fought over for dominance. My face felt heated. I fisted Russia's hair.

Someone cleared there throat. At first I didn't register the sound, it blended into the background. Suddenly Russia was gone. His warmth, his mouth...just...was gone...I flashed my eyes open, sitting up, panting on the ground. Hong Kong had him by the arm, his expression blank and unreadable as usual.

"H-hong-K-kong aru..." I said huskily. I cleared my throat, surprised at my own voice. He looked at me waiting for an explanation.

"U-um...you can let go of him now..I guess I got carried away aru..." I laughed nervously. He dropped Russia, letting him go, striding off, down the path. From the far distance I could see Korea and my family coming. Hong Kong looked at me, then back at my family.

His version of a warning.

I pulled on Russia's arm. "L-lets move somewhere else aru..." I suggested. Hong Kong shrugged. Its was kinda nice...he warned us before anyone else saw.

Russia followed, quietly, till we were at my "hiding" place.

"S-sorry aru...I guess...I guess I got carried away..." I laughed nervously. He broke into a smile.

"N-no...I did too da..." He was an awkward silence following that.

"D-do you still feel confused aru?" I asked. The truth was, I don't think kissing helped. I think I kissed him simply because I wanted to. I liked it.

"Da," He nodded. I looked down upset. What was the whole point of that? The kiss was meaningless.

"I-I guess love is illogical then aru..." I concluded hopelessly._ And I was a hopeless delusional idiot. _

"I wonder what would happen if your brother hadn't stopped us da," He mused suddenly. Ignoring my realization.

I shuddered. If we went all the way... I felt anticipation rise. I was pervert.

He giggled, "A-are you thinking what I'm thinking da?" He poked my cheek. I looked up at him.

"I-I don't think this is f-funny aru..." Because I let myself get all excited on something that wouldn't happen. And it was weird and strange. I fidgeted. I shook my head, clearing some thoughts.

"Belarus said that..." I started, trying to change the subject.

"What?" He asked, still smiling.

"Th-that you...love me," I half whispered.

"Why do you throw around such big words all the time Yao?" He said, angry again.

"You've left me in a haze! You never give me straight out answers with these types of things! You keep flinging out excuses aru!" I shot back at him.

"That's becuase you sulk, making me feel guilty! I only did those things out of pity!" He snapped.

"...wow." I whispered. He pitied me. There was no real love/hate in the relationship I thought we had. He simply felt guilty. "I'm an idiot," I said. I had been messing my head up with delusions and "big words" as Russia said, that I didn't understand. Of course he would feel bad.

"No you're not," He replied. I shrugged.

"I-I owe you an apology aru...actually more, I owe you my thanks," I closed my eyes.

"China you need to lis-"

"I'm sorry Russia, and thanks for putting up with me aru," I smiled at him, hoping it looked genuine enough.

"What?" He said.

"I have to go home, explain the mess to my family, I hope they'll forgive me aru," I mused. And then I would cry my eyes out, like the pathetic lover I was.

"You never let me finish do you?" Russia pouted.

"What do you want to say?" I asked.

"I'm scared you might walk away...lets go to my home," Russia smiled, reaching for my hand. I felt comforted. I felt unbelievable. I couldn't believe how foolish i was acting.

But on the other hand, my arm was aching and I really wanted to sit down. We eventually reached the large house.

I stumbled into his house, unsure of how to behave. The place looked so clean and organized. There were oil paintings on the walls, and the carpet was thick. He waited patiently, smiling at me. He led me to a huge living room. There were a few crumpled and torn papers on the floor.

"Wait here da...I'll go get bandages at stuff," He looked at me frowning momentarily, before walking off. My eyes wandered around the room, till I fell upon this little dolls. They looked adorable, in a neat little row. I stood up, walking toward them. Russia wouldn't mind if I looked up close...

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**A strange place to end a chapter. I'm so sincerely sorry I didn't update mich sooner.(again) I was just so absorbed into more yaoi pairings and anime. 8D  
I tried updating quickly so I didn't get to give a full inspection after writing, like I have been doing lately in the past few chapters. **

**Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

** I'm totally sorry! My internet stopped working and stuff :D Also, I'm just having a rough time with family, school, friends, etc. *sighs* Life is a bitch, isn't it?**

**So anyways, thanks for all your reviews and please enjoy. ****Suggestions are welcome desu!~**

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China POV

I looked around hesitantly looked around, then took one of the dolls on my hand. They were so intricate, each seemed hand painted. They were adorable.

"I'd figure you would be here," Belarus's voice came behind me. I hastily placed the doll back, as it wobbled slightly, and whirled around.

"What are you doing h-here aru?" I asked.

"Lets see... I live here remember?" Belarus replied snidely.

"..." I looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"So where is he?" She asked, walking in, taking a seat on the sofa. I shrugged. She patted a spot next to me. I looked at her hesitantly. "I'm not going to bite," She rolled her eyes at me.

"I-I know that aru," I said, sitting down next to her.I quickly buttoned my shirt correctly.

"Did he say anything?" She demanded, facing me.

I looked down, "Yes aru, he did," I said in a low voice.

"Well...?"

"Well what aru?" I asked irritated.

"What did he say?" She started off for me.

"The truth aru," I replied. She gave me a curious look.

"Well, he said that he was sorry aru," I started. She nodded. "And he cleared everything up for me," I added.

"Explain." She demanded straight out.

"What is there to explain? He did all those nice things out of pity, he was surprised to think that I wanted a romantic relationship, and he doesn't hate me or love me aru," I concluded.

"If he doesn't hate you or love you...then what does he think of you?" She pointed out.

"He thinks of me the same way thinks about everyone else aru," I muttered, bringing my knees to my chest.

"As much as I dislike you, I feel bad for you," She murmured, crossing her arms, sinking into the sofa.

"Can I ask why you are doing this aru?" I asked tentatively.

"Why you don't want me to help you?" She raised her eyebrow at me.

"N-no, I mean, of course I do aru, I just want to know why-"

"It's complicated," She said flatly. It was quiet.

"Oh, Bela, you're here da," Russia noted from behind us. She nodded, not even turning around. I did though. He was holding a kit, with Ukraine and Lithuania behind him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting da, I had trouble finding this," He explained, holding up the first aid kit. I nodded.

"Thank you aru," I murmured, as he knelt down beside me. Ukraine and Belarus talked quietly beside us. Every time Ukraine would move her breasts would make noises, which was awkward.

Russia opened the kit and stared at it. "Ano..." He tilted his head. He seemed stuck.

Lithuania stood next to him, unsure whether to explain to him.

"Russia aru?" I asked. I couldn't help not smiling. He obviously had no idea what he was doing at all aru.

"Hnn?" He said, picking up tweezers, examining them.

"Do you know what to do aru? At all?" I asked. He shook his head. I laughed.

"Lithuania, can you get an ice pack for me?" I asked. I rolled up my sleeve, seeing the exposed cut.

"Belarus..." Ukraine muttered in disapproval, looking at my cut, moving closer.

"I know, I said sorry," She snapped, irritated.

"Do I need stitches aru?" I mused. The blood was dry, but hadn't scabbed yet. My whole arm felt numb, but I think it was okay.

"Probably not, it's a clean shallow cut," Belarus observed. I nodded. Russia stayed quiet.I took out the proper things from the huge kit which seemed to have everything. Lithuania came back with an ice pack.

"China-san, do you need help," I shook my head. I clean the dry blood off and sanitized the cut. I grimaced as it stung. Lithuania helped me wrap the wound tightly. Everyone was silent. I pressed the ice against my bruises, alternating every few minutes.

"Um...I should really get going, Xie Xie aru..." I muttered, standing up. "Can I keep the ice pack though?" I asked. Russia looked up at me.

"So soon?" He asked. "Why don't you stay for dinner da?"

"No thank you aru, my family will probably burn the house down...along with with everything in it..." I shuddered. _Plus I couldn't stand another minute here. _

"Okay China," Ukraine nodded agreeably.

"Russia, don't you have anything to tell him?" Belarus hinted. I sighed. Russia looked evidently confused.

"Lithuania, Ukraine," Belarus said in a quiet voice. They both turned. "Can you please escort China to the door please?" She crossed her arms staring at Russia who seemed to tremble. Or maybe I was seeing things. The sisters both exchanged looks for a moment and nodded at once.

I followed them to the hallway, stopping right in front of the door. "China, I hope you come again," Lithuania said in a nervuos manner. I stepped out, greeted with the chilly afternoon air.

"Actually, I'd rather not aru," They both looked at me sympathetically, but then nodded.

They watched me walk for a second and then shut the door quietly. The rays of the sun peaked through the tall trees and I sighed, wrapping my arms around my waist. It was cold.

I suddenly heard a crash from Russia's house. Startled, I turned around. I frowned, hoping Belarus wouldn't do anything to Russia. I turned back around, continuing my walk back home.

* * *

I sauntered slowly, looking around. It gradually got warmer, till I saw my home. I could hear my family bickering from outside. I sighed.

"Get off me!- You started it!- EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!- And who are you to talk?- Oh yea, China is here everyone...-_WHAT?_" Everyone yelled at once. I laughed once in amusement as I walked up the steps of my house slowly. I would give them a few minutes, I decided.

"Taiwan, shove everything in the closet! Hong Kong, straighten the furniture! Thailand, try to hide that! Vietnam, turn on something about pandas!" I heard Japan say hastily, his voice muffled slightly.

"A show?" Vietnam asked quickly.

"Nat Geo, I don't know!" Japan replied abruptly. I heard furniture creaking, things being moved, quiet orders and directions.

"What do I do Japan?" Korea asked in a sweet voice.

"Nothing!" Everyone hissed at him at the same time. I grinned. I gave them a few minutes, leaning against the door. I toyed with the ice pack in my hand before throwing it. It landed softly in one of the bushes. I would pick it up later. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"...hey, Japan, did you see Gege or were you imagining it?" Tawain asked.

"N-no, I did see him!" Japan insisted. I smiled, knocking on the door three times.

"That's him," Japan said knowingly. Hong Kong opened the door, expressionless as usual. He looked at me for a moment then went back to sit on the couch. I entered the living room. It seemed relatively clean, no,_ too _clean. Everyone was sitting on the couch in a neat little row, far too tense to enjoy the show that was airing on the television. I smiled.

"So what did I miss aru?" I asked, inspecting the room thoroughly.

"Oh, nothing ana," Thailand replied pleasantly. Everyone nodded warily. I sighed. It seemed fine. I careful surveyed the room. They did a good job.

I walked back into the hallway, about to enter the kitchen. Which was blocked by a curtain. It was never blocked by a curtain.

"A-ano...Is there anything you need from there?" Thailand asked, blocking the way.

"No, nothing aru, I just want to check it, that's all," I smiled.

"Um...I'll check for you Aniki!" Korea cut in, also blocking the way.

"And you guys are not at all acting suspicious aru," I replied sarcastically.

"Why would we?" Tawain laughed nervously, standing up.

"Okay, everyone move aru," I said firmly.

"But-"

"Now," I crossed my arms. They parted unwillingly. I tore off the curtain they must have put up and held my breath.

And it was just what I expected. A Disaster. Mess. Hazard even.

"..." I didn't say anything, but walked in. Almost everything that I carefully organized on the shelves were on the floor. Jars were broken, spices decorated the floor in colorful splotches, and the sink was filled with pots and pans. I bit my lip, as my anger rose. Many dishes were broken and cracked eggs were everywhere. Unknown negetables and fruits stained the walls. I stayed silent as I felt there tension rise. I opened the fridge. There was nothing really, just a dripping milk carton, egg shells, and more smashed fruit and vegetables. The stove, once white and gray, was now burned black. There was a pot on it, which i could probably save on it. I tried to remove it.

The whole top of the stove came off with it. I dropped it on the floor. The bang echoed in the silent room. I turned to my family, who all flinched as I glared at them.

"What. Happened. To. My. Kitchen. Aru?" I asked through clenched teeth. No one said a word. I took one step toward them. In unison, they all took a step back. It was secretly amusing, and I made a mental side note to laugh later.

Korea put his hands ups, as if to calm me down, "Now, now, Aniki, you are just overreacting," He spoke cautiuosly. I sighed and turned around, facing my now ruined kitchen again. Korea seemed to take this as a perfect time to explain. "You see, I wasn't in any of this. It was all their fault. I told them to not do anything but..." He continued his excuse.

"It's okay aru," I smiled tightly, turning to Korea. His eyes widened.

"Wh-what Aniki? I-I knew you'd understand!" He rejoiced and seemed very relieved.

I nodded along with him, "Yes aru, I'm glad you understand that I have every right to murder you right now." Before he could react, I jump on him.

Hong Kong managed to pry me off of him. "Let go of me! Dammit aru!" I threw my arms around, attempting to smack anyone I could.

"Ch-china, please calm down," Japan pleaded.

I huffed, stopping. "Yea, calm down aru. Sure, why not! I leave you guys alone for a _few _hours. And yet you guys manage to ruin the whole kitchen aru! The kitchen out of all the places!" I ranted. Hong Kong put me down. I glared at everyone, before leaving the room.

"This mess better be gone when I come back aru," I muttered under my breath. I stormed out of the kitchen, till I was in my room. I closed the door and collapsed on my bed. I would check what else they did to the house later. _Calm yourself, calm yourself, _I chanted in my head. _Think of pleasant thoughts. Like food. _Then I thought about the mess downstairs._ Wait, never mind aru. Like dolls. Dolls and sunflowers. Sunflowers and Russia's smile. Russia's innocent, childish smile aru..._

I smacked myself. That was the most pathetic thought ever. I sat up and changed into more comfortable, blood-free traditional clothes. I tied my hair again, and splashed cold water on my face. Time to face the mess downstairs.

I groaned inwardly, "I'm too old for this aru," I whined to myself.

Too old. Huh. What if Russia didn't like me because I am _too old_? I mean everyone teases me about my age aru, but what if it caused Russia to not find me...likable? I hit myself on the head. Why was I trying to find excuses? He states them clearly.

I hurried down the stairs before my mind would think up of more unwanted thoughts.

* * *

**Lol, I had fun typing parts of this chapter xD (shout-out to Kari ;D)  
**

**P.S: National Geography is awesome. -shot-**


	10. Chapter 10

**-Begin A/N -**

***deep breath* Um…Hi there! *dodges tomatoes* No, wait! I can explain my absence for the last…*calculates* um…more than a year and a half *looks down guiltily***

**First things first. I would like to take a moment to apologize for not updating. It's been an awful year and half for me (and a bit of a depressing one). Believe me; out of all the things going on in my life, fan fiction was far from my thoughts. And I'll admit, I was avoiding it too. I don't want to give you my sob-story, but I was being so use to being a disappointment and disappointed I sorta gave up on the whole writing business. I was actually planning on deleting the story, but then I started to reread some of the reviews and realized if I am such a big disappointment in real life, I could at least not disappoint my supporting fans. **

**Sorry and thanks all of you guys and supporting this story and reviewing! ^_^ I love you all!~ *hug* **

******(SKIP IF YOU WANT)** Second thing: Since it has been…a year and a half I would like to summarize all that's happened so far: 

** China loves Russia and wants Russia to love him back. The only problem is that Russia is in love with someone else, America. Russia is completely oblivious to the fact that China loves him and thinks they are just good friends. During an Allies Meeting, America gets mad at Russia over a trivial thing and breaks up with him and as it turns out, was only using Russia to get England to notice him. Russia is hurt and China takes the opportunity to get closer to Russia. Russia continually brings him closer and pushes him away, afraid to love him back yet bringing him flowers, being nice, etc. During the next World Meeting, Belarus knows about China and decides to get Russia for herself but Russia tells her he loves China. Belarus, furious by this, goes to the World Meeting before Russia and 'punishes' China. Russia sees him and after the meeting, explains to China that he is confused and lost, he did all those nice things out of pity, and feels nothing for him. China, heartbroken, goes home and to find the destruction of his kitchen. **

******That sounded so crappy _|||**/orz, I'm sorry, I really suck at summaries. Sorry!  


**And now, the next chapter *dundundun* Hope you guys enjoy it! **

**-End A/N-**

* * *

**China's POV**

"I'll deal with you guys later aru," I snarled menacingly before leaving the wreck –which once was my beautiful kitchen. They flinched, heads bowed, not one daring yo look up at me. I slammed the door loudly.

I admit I was playing it up aru. But at the same time, it takes a lot for my family to quake in fear by even me making eye contact with them. I chuckled to myself.

I walked down the busy street speculating all the shops and stores. Some people bowed, others nodded respectively at me. I faked smiles and greeted them back though my head was aching at the new problem my family created. _Should I just buy dinner? How do I fix the kitchen? Who do I call? What would happen if I couldn't get dinner? What if they burn the whole house down when I get back? What if-_

I groaned, stopping, and rubbed my forehead. Tonight's dinner. That's what I should worry about for now. And tomorrow call architects to rebuild my kitchen from scratch.

I walked into the nearby market to get vegetables to stir fry but then realized I had no stove. _I guess I could just get food to go at some restaurant that caters aru._ I walked into one that looked plausible though it was overcrowded and busy. There were a few benches scattered around and I sat down on one, deciding to wait it out a while until it cleared up more.

I felt myself tremble. And right after I talked to Russia too. C_ouldn't they be a little more understanding? They saw what went on in the world meeting and with Russia and even after all this aru…_I wrapped arms tightly around my waist, feeling a mixture of sadness and anger.

They were so getting it when I went back home. Korea especially. How could they destroy the kitchen of all places?! The kitchen aru! In a family as large as ours with even bigger appetites haven't they realized the importance of the kitchen? The kitchen was the most important room of the whole damn house! _Maybe a wok could be salvaged aru… I wonder if they burned all my knives-_

"Hello China," A woman greeted me. I didn't look up.

"Go away aru," I muttered, rubbing my forehead.

"Excuse me," The woman replied sharply. I looked up.

"Oh, Belarus aru!" I jumped up slightly. _This day could not get any worse, could it aru?_

"Yea," Her eyes narrowed. I flinched as she sat down next to me.

"How did you find me here aru?" I asked, looking around the crowded street.

"Your family told me," She said, leaning back against the bench, glaring at every passerby that looked at us.

"Really, aru?" I replied casually.

"Of course not! I stalked you," She rolled her eyes, like it was the most obviously normal thing in the world. Then again, she was Russia's sister aru. I shuddered involuntarily.

"Oh…" I frowned, looking away.

"I wanted to talk to you," She said seriously, "Privately,"

"I was just about to get dinner for my family aru, why don't we talk inside?" I asked, gesturing towards the restaurant. The crowd had thinned a fair amount. She shrugged and stood up, walking inside.

"Table for two aru," I told the hostess. She eyed Belarus for a moment before nodding.

"Your server will arrive shortly," She said, handing us the menus before helping other people. Belarus opened the menu.

"So what did you want to talk about aru?" I asked anxiously.

"I'm starving," She noted, examining the menu, "and thirsty," She muttered

"Why don't you try a soup aru?" I asked nonchalantly, seeing she wasn't going to 'talk' for anytime soon.

"I'll get wonton soup then," She put the menu down. I read the catering menu and for my family and beef noodle soup for me now.

After our food was served and the waitress left Belarus picked up a spoon and started eating.

"Eat," She ordered.

"I'm not hungry aru," I looked away. She glared at me and I picked up my spoon as well.

She drank some water and cleared her throat. "Let me tell you about my day," She said. I frowned confused, "So this morning, I decided to marry my brother today," She started off nonchalantly.

I froze but continued eating.

"I wanted him to forget about you, forget about America," She said, her eyes getting dark, "I could tell he still loved America, and I hated to see him hurt. And you…I thought you were going to be exactly the same, and I could never allow my brother to get hurt ever again. So marrying him today seemed like what was best for him and me. He didn't love me, I was well aware of that. There was no way he could get hurt. I would never hurt him. It would work out perfectly," She explained with her twisted logic.

I felt my stomach twist uneasily, not feeling hungry anymore, "Maybe after a while he would learn to love me…" She stared off, seeming distant.

"R-really aru?" I asked faintly.

"Yes, I was trying to explain this to him," She said. Her eyes started to water, "But then he said he loved you," She snarled angrily, her fists clenched. I gasped startled as the glass soup spoon she was holding broke in half.

"Oops," She muttered, examining her palm for any cuts. I handed her my spoon wordlessly and picked up chopsticks instead, "Thanks,"

"Loves me aru?" I asked weakly. I knew it was stupid, but my heart fluttered when she said that.

_Russia loves me aru. _That sounded so right, so perfect.

"I was outraged. Hadn't he learned from America?" She said, trembling, "You had to be punished. It was unfair. I wanted to scare you so much you would be afraid to love him," She grinned slightly. I flinched.

"B-but then…" Her voice trailed off and became smaller. She suddenly looked sad and vulnerable. She looked _normal._

"I realized that…you two….were perfect for each other. As much as I didn't want to admit it, it was true," She blinked, "All the faults I found in America; too needy, too afraid, too childish, too fake," She gritted her teeth, "And his food was so tasteless," She took a sip of her soup before closing her eyes and inhaled a deep breath, "But I couldn't find anything like that I you; you could take care of him, be there, be real for him. What he needs,"

"So as much as it pains me," She said in a lighter tone, grinning suddenly, "It would hurt me more if I didn't bother trying to help you rather than to wallow in self pity," I put down my chopsticks.

"You don't have to aru," I said in a low voice, staring at my lap.

"This isn't the time to be humble and modest, China," She said.

"It's pointless aru," I muttered.

"What?" She asked.

"There's no point, B-Belarus aru," I said in a louder voice, "I told you he feels nothing for me, why can't we leave it at that? _I'll_ wallow in self pity aru. Besides, time fixes all wounds aru."

She looked at me bored, "So you are going to betray me like that?" She challenged, "Time can fix wounds but they can make them worse. Even if they heal you can't forget. A memory can't be fixed and a memory can't change," She twisted my words.

"..."

"Think of it this way, I want to help my Nii-san, not you,"

I didn't respond and sighed, allowing my shoulders to haunch.

"Good soup by the way," She added, "I didn't know your food was this good,"

"_Xie Xie_ aru," I halfheartedly smiled.

* * *

**A/N *sweatdrop* Sorry, I'm not Chinese so I don't really know much about the food. Thank goodness for Google! :'D  
**

** Again, readers, I apologize for my absence and would thank you all individually if I could. But I'm back and will be with another chapter, as fast as I can! Please Review! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey everyone! This chapter took a while longer than expected, sorry! **

* * *

**China's POV**

"H-hey Belarus, shouldn't you go home now aru?" I asked.

"No," She answered curtly, "Can I stay over?" She asked as my house came to view. Belarus had followed me all the way from the restaurant to my home.

"Umm…" The way she worded it didn't really sound like a question. "O-okay aru," I answered.

"It'll be nice to get a tour of your home, I'll finally know where everything is," She grinned slyly.

"It's like you're implying that you've been here before aru," I laughed shakily.

"I have. Only once actually, at the dead of night when you all are asleep. I kept on bumping into furniture though…" She trailed off.

I didn't respond. _It must run in the family aru._ We walked up the steps of my house.

"Can I ask you a favor?" I asked her in a low voice. Belarus raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of what?" She mused.

"My family er… destroyed my kitchen; can you be sorta…you know, scary aru?" I asked anxiously. Her face lit up immediately.

"Scary? You mean you want me to provoke terror into your family's veins?" She asked in a creepy voice, her eyes gleaming, and a strange aura seemed to be surrounding her. Her mouth twisted into a grinned excitedly.

"E-eto, never mind aru," I quickly replied, taking a few steps away from her.

"Oh, okay then," She said, returning to normal, "I almost forgot. China, you didn't answer my question,"

"What question aru?" I asked, confused.

"I want to help you and Nii-san," She explained bluntly.

"Whatever aru," I sighed, realizing she wasn't going to forget the idea anytime soon. I knocked on the door.

* * *

My family was more helpful and cooperative than they seemed. Together, they cleared all the junk and managed to collect a small pile of things they managed to save from the wreck. A few jars of cinnamon, one egg, three carrots, a bag of salt. Huge garbage bags were filled with pieces of broken appliances, dishes, and trash. Vietnam made a hefty list of things I needed to buy.

Dinner was tense. My family was startled to see Belarus drop in for dinner. All of them kept eying Belarus and she kept eying them. Usually they would create a mess and be loud and make a huge ruckus but tonight none of them spoke a word, and silently ate as quickly as possible. It was nothing short of amazing.

"So can anyone care to explain aru?" I asked breaking the tense silence, narrowing my eyes.

They were all silent for a few seconds, eying each other warily before they all burst into their excuses. All of them spoke at once, seeming to have thought up of their own crafted explanation. All that came to me was a bunch of gibberish. I ran my fingers through my hair, waiting for them to trail to a stop. Belarus seemed to grow tenser and rigid by every second. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. I guess she wasn't use to a noisy dinner table.

She suddenly slammed her hand against the table, rattling everything on it, "Silence," She hissed. My family stopped talking at once, staring at her with wide eyes. I folded my hands on the table. Everyone set their eating utensils down, fidgeting uneasily.

"Taiwan, care to share your story first aru?" I let sarcasm tinge my voice, seeing as she was the one that looked the most upset and frustrated.

"W-well after we came home from the world meeting Vietnam and I decided to get started on lunch. B-but the rice cooker sorta broke," She started off hesitantly. I raised an eyebrow but nodded for her to continue. "We thought it would be best if we took care of it since you and Rus-," She stopped abruptly, looking at me guiltily as if she said a taboo word.

I looked away but nodded, "Continue aru," I said.

"So we were at the store and I thought that it would be a good idea if we picked up some coconut milk to make some red curry. Vietnam liked the idea, so when we came back we both started making it," She drew in a deep breath. "I was on the phone and was in the middle of texting really importantly with a friend, but the curry needed to be stirred," She then glared at Korea, and I made the obvious assumption that he was behind this, "And so I put my phone on the counter for a minute since Vietnam was busy finishing cutting vegetables," She started trembling in anger, glaring at Korea.

Vietnam, who was sitting next to her, placed a hand on her shoulder, continuing the story in Taiwan's place, "So I was finishing up on the vegetables and she was stirring, the both of us fine. Korea wants to know what we're making and decides to wander in," Vietnam rolled her eyes, "He started goofing off as usual and-"

"Then KOREA decides that it would be _funny_ if he steals my PHONE AND SCREAM OUT MY TEXTS!" Taiwan screamed, standing up. Her hands slammed down on the table dramatically. Korea stood up too, doing the same.

"No, I didn't Aniki! I told her I needed to use her phone to make a quick call-"

"Oh you LIAR! That's not how it happened! Stop lying to Gege!" Taiwan cried out in the middle of Korea's explanation.

"-because my phone ran out of battery and I lost my charger!" He protested loudly over Taiwan's voice. I rubbed my forehead.

"Yea, that doesn't mean you snatch her phone without asking her first," Vietnam said defensively.

I looked up at the ceiling, drawing in a deep breath. "This story is no different from any others I've heard aru. So then what caused destruction to my kitchen aru?" I asked petulantly.

"Well, by now, I arrived, to see if I could clear the argument before it got worse ana," Thailand chided in, sheepishly grinning.

"Ah," I nodded slowly in a slow sarcastic manner.

"Korea was holding the phone high and taunting Taiwan and Taiwan was trying to reach for it, you know, what he usually does. It accidentally slipped from his hand and fell into the curry,"

"It wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!" Taiwan cried out.

"No it wasn't! Thailand is my witness!" Korea shot back, he stood up.

"Well I didn't exactly see ana," Thailand said hesitantly, "And by then Taiwan didn't care if it was an accident or not. She was beyond furious and started throwing whatever she found on the shelves and counter at Korea ana," I drew a sharp intake of breath, trying to hold in my anger for a little more. _Relax aru…relax…this isn't something you can't handle…._

Taiwan's cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. I clenched my teeth together.

"So after hearing Taiwan's yelling, Japan and Hong Kong came," Vietnam explained, "And by then it turned into a huge food fight between Korea and Taiwan,"

"We tried to get them to stop, but Korea accidentally broke the rice cooker which made Vietnam furious-" Thailand explained.

"-we _barely_ bought it!" Vietnam protested.

"So she started throwing eggs-"

"Hey! I'm not the only one!" Vietnam said, "You did too!"

"W-well," Thailand laughed uneasily, "We _did_ try to stop them," I tried to maintain my anger. These were my siblings, who were assumingly mature countries.

"B-but it wasn't our fault!" Japan added quickly, noticing my rapidly losing patience, "Nothing would have happened to the kitchen if Hong Kong hadn't lit fireworks and-"

"Japan!" Everyone yelled at the same time, silencing him. Hong Kong tensed.

That did it. I began trembling in anger.

"Fireworks aru?! Fireworks!" I yelled, "How many times have I told you to get rid of them aru! LIGHTING FIREWORKS! THEY SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE! THE REASON I BANNED THEM FROM YOU WAS BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS COULD HAPPEN! They are banned from this house aru! NO THEY ARE BANNED FROM YOUR DAMN EXISTANCE, HONG KONG! THE NERVE ARU!" I yelled furiously, seeing red. I threw my chopsticks at Hong Kong who dodged them easily. I got up towards him and he stood up wordlessly. I fisted the top of his shirt, pulling him down to eye level. The height difference in this attempt to threaten him pissed me off even more. I stomped on his foot. He flinched in pain, but stayed expressionless.

"Sorry," He muttered so softly I wasn't sure I heard him. I let go of him and my arms swung helplessly by my sides.

_-"I'm sorry for a lot for China."-_

"That's all you have to say aru?" My eyes got hot and watery. It wasn't fair aru. Nothing was fair. I tried to calm myself but everything that happened to me today just crashed down on me. It had been a long day.

"Everyone clear the table aru," I said as calmly as I could, as I walked out of the room. Belarus's hand brushed against for arm lightly but I shrugged her off.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and slam the door after me and sank to the floor. Did anyone not care about what I said anymore? It seemed as if no one did. It wasn't fair aru. I had a slight sense of déjà vu. Russia would knock on my door, I would think it was an illusion, it would turn out not to be, and then we would have tea together because he said so himself, he enjoyed my company.

So I waited and waited. Tears trickling down my cheeks silently as I hugged my knee's closer to myself, realizing that no matter how much I waited, he would never come.

* * *

The next morning I woke up with a sore neck and on the floor with gritty eyes. My bruises throbbed painfully and my arm stung. I hadn't bothered replacing the bandage before going to sleep. I washed my face, bandaged my arm, and masked my face of any true emotion I felt inside and went downstairs.

Belarus had probably left at night. Everyone kept a 5 foot radius from me, and didn't say a word as I walked past them, though I managed to give Korea a big smack on the head before heading out. I went and took care of everything; people to fix and rebuild my kitchen, grocery shopping, ordering new appliances, and everyday errands. I came back a little past 2 with lunch and Belarus was back.

"Food!" Korea cheered, digging in. Everyone took generous helpings. Belarus sat next to me, quiet. Not the eerie quiet but more of a thoughtful quiet. It gave me chills nonetheless.

Everyone ate quickly and Japan helped me clear the table. Everyone was about to disperse.

"Japan," Belarus said his name loudly. Japan flinched and jumped slightly in surprise. Everyone froze at her directness, "Japan will be perfect,"

"Perfect for what aru?" I asked suspiciously. Japan's gentle eyes showed unmasked alarm as he started collecting the plates.

"You boyfriend," She replied, a devious smile on her face. The plates Japan were carried clattered to the table loudly. Everyone's jaw dropped.

* * *

–**inserted random ingredient that was Googled- to make –insert random dish that was Googled too- Lol, sorry, I fail at coming up with foods. xD **

**Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Thanks everyone for reading and please review! I promise Russia's appearance in the next chapter! **

* * *

**China's POV**

"You boyfriend," She replied, a devious smile on her face. The plates Japan were carried clattered to the table loudly. Everyone's jaw dropped.

"My_ what_ aru?" I said in shock.

"Boyfriend," She said smugly.

"Wh-what? H-he's…brother…. No! Just… what aru?" My mouth opened and closed as I tried to form the right sentence.

"B-Belarus-san, may I ask why?" Japan asked tentatively, astonished. Thailand silently continued clearing the table.

"It's the perfect plan." She grinned.

"What do you mean _plan_ aru?" I asked suspiciously.

"You agreed to let me help you," She filled in, crossing her arms smugly.

"With what Gege?" Taiwan cut in confusion.

"I said 'whatever' aru, I didn't agree with you," I reminded her.

"Just have a little faith, will you?"She snapped angrily, "You're being so pessimistic. I thought you believed in your love for Nii-san and the way you're acting doesn't really show it,"

I leaned back in my chair, looking away. _Did I have anything to lose anymore? No, not really aru…And she was right, I shouldn't give up so easily aru…but if I don't then that would mean I would allow myself to hope again, to believe that Russia would love me back aru. _I swallowed. _And just get heartbroken all over again…_

_-I pressed my mouth against his urgently, holding his scarf with one hand to pull him closer. He had to see it coming._

_My eyes drifted close. I never tried kissing him back...but it was nice. I crushed myself closer to him, hoping he would respond. Or just go along with it. His hands hovered in the air for a second, but wrapped around my waist, bringing me even closer. I shivered, as I felt a sudden jolt. For now it seemed like he wanted me.-_

My throat felt tight and my eyes blurred. I wiped them quickly, drawing in a shaky breath. _Maybe…maybe he still does want me aru…_I let myself to think. _Maybe this time it'll be different aru._

"Okay," I said throatily before clearing it, "I'll hear you out aru. What's your plan?"

"To make Russia jealous," My siblings slowly composed themselves as they began making sense of what was going on and Belarus eagerly continued, "I've been studying all your behavior patterns lately, and Japan seems to be the one most compatible with China." Japan turned a brilliant shade of red and Thailand coughed uneasily, "No one will be suspicious of you two dating. Eventually Russia will get jealous and realize just how much China means to him," There was a weird glint in her eyes.

"Wait, what the _hell_?" Taiwan asked.

"This doesn't make sense," Vietnam shook her head.

"I sorta get it ana," Thailand said slowly, shaking her though, in disbelief.

"Russia doesn't do so well with loneliness and seeing China with someone else and happy will drive him crazy," Belarus continued.

"I can't do it aru! Are _you _crazy?" I asked, standing up. She turned to me coldly. My voice faltered but I continued, "I could never trick him like that! The plan is stupid, he won't fall for it!" I rejected.

"Yao-nii is hurting! There is no way he could act up and pretend to be dating Japan!" Vietnam said in my defense, "He's trying to get over Russia, and doing this won't help him!"

"Hey don't I get a say in this-" Japan tried protesting weakly.

"You guys think that China trying to fight for Russia will make him hurt more? I think not. In fact I think it would make him hurt less knowing that he is trying everything he can," Belarus said firmly. I looked down at my lap, biting my lip as my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. I so badly wanted to go with it, listen to her. _Just try one more time aru…_

"What do you mean? Like one last chance or something?" Vietnam asked, shaking her head.

"Hey guys, don't you realize something?!" Korea's eyes lit up and he stood up, "We can totally use this plan and get revenge on Russia!" He rubbed his hands together excitedly. Belarus shot him a dark look and he slowly sank back down. I bit my lip, contemplating.

"In that case, I think you should do it ana," Thailand grinned.

"Yea! Make him see how it feels," Taiwan agreed, "That'll get him to confess for sure,"

"Don't you guys get it aru?" I sighed, "He said he doesn't love me,"

"Come on China," Belarus coaxed. I looked at her strangely, "He only SAID he doesn't love you,"

"And?" Vietnam inquired.

"I know he still loves you, and he is hurting too. I'm his sister, I know. This morning Nii-san didn't bother coming down for breakfast and Latvia says he's been drinking vodka since you left. He's been in a terrible mood. You don't have to get him to love you, he already does. Just to get him to admit it. One last time?" The intensity of her gaze at me told me she wasn't lying.

And that if I didn't agree with her would be very unpleasant.

"Okay aru," I said slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat, "If you think it's going to work, then I'll try _one_ last time. I agree to your plan," _For now aru._ Everyone but Japan nodded thoughtfully.

"I can't be your 'boyfriend'," Japan murmured quietly.

"It's okay Japan, I give my consent aru," I reassured.

"I still don't agree," He was looking down at his lap, talking softly.

"It'll be fine. What's the matter aru?" I noticed his frame starting to tremble.

"I don't give my consent," He said in a small voice. His bangs shadowed most of his face.

"I think you do," Belarus said darkly.

"Belarus stop it aru" I warned, "What's wrong Japan? Are you nervous?"

"No…It just feels wrong to Gree- ah! Nevermind!" He covered his face in his hands, blushing.

"You mean Greece?" Taiwan gasped.

"Is he more than a friend aru?" I asked, realizing immediately. Japan didn't answer.

"Then he can be told of the plan too," Belarus sighed brushing it off, not taking it as big of news as we were all, "Well, I'm coming back in a few hours. Ukraine will be wondering where I am. Thanks for the meal," She walked out, unexplained.

The minute the door closed we all took turns bombarding Japan with questions. It turned out he didn't tell anyone about it, it was only official for about a week, and the dates were quiet subtle so no one suspicious about them.

"I-I have to meet Greece-san this afternoon," He added faintly.

"A date? How adorable!" Taiwan crooned.

"You can tell him about it and make sure he is okay aru. If he isn't then-"

" I can be Aniki's boyfriend!" Korea cut me off.

"Never in my next four thousand years aru," I growled.

"You forgot Yao-nii is mad at you," Japan smiled, "I have to go get changed," He added before leaving. Slowly my family started to disperse, leaving only me with my troubled thoughts and Hong Kong.

I sighed heavily. _Russia._ I rested my elbows on the table, burying my face in my hands. If this plan didn't work I wondered what I would do. And Belarus had been so vague. If this plan was to be a successful one, it was going to get more and more complicated. Belarus was so convinced Russia still loves me, even though he clearly explained it was pity that drove him to do all those kind things. Like breaking my heart. My chest ached slightly.

"The plan will work," Hong Kong said in a firm voice. My head shot up in surprise. Hong Kong's arms were crossed and his dark brown eyes gazed at me with intense confidence. I stared back. He sensed my insecurities.

"Really aru?" I meant to sound nonchalant, but my voice sounded weird. My throat felt thick with tears. I swallowed. He nodded curtly. I broke his gaze and got up, about to enter the living room when Japan fled down the stairs.

"Good-bye Yao-nii!" He said rushed, "Greece-san is expecting me, and I'll be home early,"

Taiwan raced down the steps, "Just a little eye liner! Please! It'll bring out the color of your eyes!" She cried. He threw open the front door and slammed it right in her face.

"Gege!" She through her arms out, exasperated, "You could've stopped him! Eyeliner would've been the perfect touch!" She stormed up the stairs

"He let you dress him at least," Vietnam's giggle floated down the stairs.

I shook my head and sighed.

* * *

A week past and my kitchen was rebuilt, refurnished, and restocked. I sighed happily as the last of the work crew left. The walls smelled of fresh paint and the counters still gleamed in newness. I let my fingers brush over them.

"What should I make first?" I wondered to myself. I glanced up at the new wall clock. Barely afternoon and everyone was out except for Japan and Belarus.

Belarus rarely went home nowadays. She said she liked the 'feel' of my home.

Our relationship had changed a lot over the short period of time. It almost felt like we were…not exactly friends, but something like that. She made space in Japan's Manga Room for a single bed for herself and Taiwan's and Vietnam's closets contained a few of Belarus's change of clothes.

Belarus stood next to me, inspecting the new immaculate kitchen, "You really like cooking?" She asked.

"Yes. Did you barely notice that aru?" I said in a slow sarcastic voice, and then quickly added, "And it's a good thing too. You've seen my family's appetite. The kitchen if the most important room in any household for me" I said matter-of-factly.

"So destroying the kitchen was like…murdering a family member or something?" She asked.

"…"

Japan walked in, murmuring to his phone softly, "Yes, I'll ask them right now," He pulled the phone away from his ear, "Are you busy right now Yao-nii?" I shook my head "Greece-san is wondering if you can join us this afternoon. He wants to talk to you about-,"

"I'm coming too," Belarus answered for me. I gave an annoyed glance at her, but didn't say anything.

"Yes, Belarus-san is joining us too," He spoke to the phone, "I guess I'll see you in a while? Hmm…yes…I-," He blushed, "Yes, I l-love you too," He rushed in a half-mouthed half-whispered voice so we wouldn't overhear and hung up quickly. Belarus and I smirked.

* * *

An hour later Japan led us to the top of a grassy hill. The sky was slightly cloudy and an occasional pleasant breeze past. Greece was waiting there, sitting down, a light gray cat resting on his lap. There was a dozen or so cats surrounding him or wandering around.

"Kawaii aru," I crooned, placing my basket down and picked up a spotted brown and white cat. It meowed curiously, "I made spring rolls aru. Try some aru!" I told Greece. Japan nodded encouragingly.

"I helped too," Belarus added. Greece paused for a moment after she said that, before taking a bite.

"It's good," He said. He bit off a piece, offering it to the cat that was on his lap. It sniffed it, stretched and wandered away.

We had a light conversation; Greece told us a bit about the ruins and mythology. The way Japan sat next to him could've easily passed them off as good friends, but there was an intimate way they interacted. Greece occasionally brushed the bangs out of Japan's eyes as he spoke. My chest ached dully and a quickly took a sip of green tea I had brought along.

"So," Belarus said. She wiped her hands and mouth delicately with a napkin. She gently blew across her tea and took a sip, "You wanted to talk about my plan," She told Greece.

"Hmm? Yea," He said, "How long is Japan and China going to pretend they are in a relationship?" He spoke in an unhurried voice.

"Until Russia notices and accepts his feelings towards China," She said briskly.

"How long will that take?" Greece's eyebrows drew up in a frown.

"I don't know aru," I answered honestly, looking down.

"Oh," He said, contemplating something.

"But not for long," Belarus assured.

"I guess so then," Greece shrugged.

"So this means you two can't really be that intimate in public," Belarus said to Japan and Greece, "And China and Japan are going to go on pretend dates and things," Greece's frown grew more pronounced.

"Wait, I can't be with him?" He asked slowly.

"Well, you can, but I suggest not that often," Her eyes narrowed. Greece tensed but looked disappointed. The cat hopped on his lap and looked at him curiously. He stroked it absentmindedly.

"Belarus, we only have to act in front of Russia aru! Of course they can be with each other aru! You know how good they are at being discreet," I nudged Japan who blushed.

"Well, I guess so," Belarus said. Greece eyed him meaningfully and they stood up, walking till they were barely in hearing distance from Bela and I sitting on the grass.

"Is this okay with you?" I heard Japan murmur. Greece though for a moment before replying.

"Are _you_ okay with it?" Greece asked Japan. Japan paused and I felt his eyes on me. I casually picked at a dandelion among the grass.

"Yes. I can't bear to see him so hurt," Japan replied. I really did turn into a mess for a while, "You remember we were about to start a world meeting and we found China covered in cuts and bruises a week and a half ago?" Greece nodded.

"Actually," Belarus interrupted loudly and they looked up startled. They didn't know we were overhearing their conversation. I coughed awkwardly.

"That was me," She explained, "I was the one who hurt him…um, physically," It took a moment for them to register this. Both their eyes widened.

"Why?" Japan asked.

"I thought he deserved it for taking my happiness but I realized...Nii-san loves China. And China loves Nii-san. I couldn't destroy something like that. And I've changed," She turned to me.

"I'm sorry China," She said softly, "This is why I want to help you" She looked at me, her eyes burning. Japan and Greece still looked at hey quizzically, not yet grasping what she meant.

"It's complicated aru," I explained to them.

"Anyways, did you remember his expression that day?" Japan asked quietly. Greece shuddered visibly and Belarus looked down, her face clouded.

"It's like Nii-san's heart is like an on and off switch. Sometimes I wonder if it even _exists_," Belarus sighed, staring up at the sky. I brought my knees to my chest, biting my lip but didn't say anything.

"I wonder if _he_ knows it exists, aru," I wondered out loud.

"So you want to do this plan?" Greece clarified.

"It's only an act, I've only seen him and an older brother, nothing more. So Greece-san, will you help my brother?" Japan asked, pleading. He gazed intensely at him. Greece stroked his cheek affectionately.

"I'm going to miss you," He muttered. Belarus grinned, satisfied.

"It isn't like I'm stealing him aru," I laughed, "You two can still date you know. We're just going to act around Russia, that's all," I reassured. Belarus got up, gazing at the setting sun. It had gotten chilly.

"So I suppose that's that," She said, ending our conversation, "Thank you Greece, for doing this," He slowly got up. The cat hopped of his lap, and walked off. Japan and I put away everything into the picnic basket.

"You guys go on ahead, Japan will catch up," Greece said, grabbing his hand as we were leaving. Belarus and I exchanged a quick glance at each other.

"Hurry, I need to get dinner started, aru," We both walked quickly and sneaked a glance behind us.

Greece was holding Japan's face in place as Japan squirmed a bit uncomfortably. He said a few incoherent words and Japan went still, allowing himself to get kissed. It lasted about five seconds before he pulled away and stumbled after us. Belarus gave him a smug look.

* * *

**Giripan is so cute. Writing about them was fun =v=||| I personally think Taiwan and Vietnam are yaoi fans too~ 8D Please Review!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Okay, clear something up for this chapter **

"Normal Dialogue"

"_Dialogue written like this will mean that it is between Japan, China, and Belarus" _

_-memories/flashbacks-_

* * *

**China's POV**

"Today you have a G8 meeting, right? China will escort you there and pick you up," She reviewed for the third time, "Japan, bring up the topic of China more than necessary. Hint to America that you guys are dating. America will tell England at least. I organized them to go on a double date with Poland and Lithuania tomorrow in the morning. You two are bound to come up as a topic and Poland is a bit of a gossiper, and the news will reach Russia soon enough," She smiled.

I felt dread and a bit disgusted, "How can I act…romantic with Japan aru? I've always seen him as a younger brother, nothing more, nothing less aru," Japan nodded in agreement. He too, was thinking the same thing.

I didn't really believe the plan was going to work. It sounded flimsy and unconvincing, but I decided to go along with Belarus till she saw it wouldn't work.

"Exactly!" Her eyes had a strange glint, "While we know it's just plain old brotherly affection, no one else is going to see it that way anymore!"

"And make sure you guys don't tell anyone about the plan, aru," I told the rest of my family. They nodded in unison.

"Yes. The less nations that know, the less chance the plan will slip up," Belarus said, "So far only you, me, Japan, Greece, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Korea know," She ticked off with her fingers, "Nine nations know. I'm probably not going to tell my sister …she has a habit of letting things slip…Any other questions?"

"Does this mean I cannot claim Aniki's breasts at all?" Korea asked in a solemn voice. Vietnam smacked him on the head for me.

"I got us some things," She took out two small Bluetooths, "Clip this on your ears, I have to go to my boss for some paperwork in a while but this way we can stay in touch. It's a three way connection,"

"You thought this out well aru," I observed, carefully hiding my ear with my hair. Japan did the same. She pulled her blonde hair back, showing she already had it on. Japan straightened his tie.

"Ready to go Yao-nii?" He asked me.

"Yea aru," I nodded, "Behave yourselves aru," I warned before I closed the door.

Belarus headed the other way, north. She gave me a nod of encouragement.

Japan and I arrived to the building in silence. He led me to a large room where the G8 meetings were held. Both Germany and Italy were seated. Germany looked at me, contemplating what he should say.

"Hello China," He settled as a greeting.

"Hello Germany, Italy, aru," I nodded friendly, "Just came to escort Japan, aru," I gestured towards him. Germany looked at him confused.

"Vee!~ China! You look a lot better," Italy bounced up to us enthusiastically. Germany nodded, "We should eat pasta together sometimes!"

"Um…sure aru," I replied. Germany sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. Japan had moved to shuffle some papers reviewing some notes carefully.

"_Who else is there?"_ Belarus's voice came to my left ear. I flinched startled. I had almost forgotten about the Bluetooths.

"_Germany and Italy so far aru,"_ I whispered.

"_England, America, and France walked in just now,"_ Japan added in a soft voice.

"_Speak softer,"_ Belarus said, _"And you don't have to reply to everything, I know two can hear and understand me fine. Try to appear nonchalant," _

"_I know that aru,"_ I muttered under my breath. Japan muttered an okay.

"_Nii-san isn't there yet hmm…Make sure you're close to Japan,"_ She ordered me. I felt slightly annoyed, but made my way to him.

"Good morning everyone. China, da" Came a pleasant voice from behind me. A tremor raced up my spine. I stopped walking in a mid-stride. My breath caught in my throat.

"_Nii-san…"_ Belarus's voice was right in my ear but it sounded a million miles away. My heart pounded loudly in my chest. Everyone stilled, looking at me apprehensively.

"_Face him if you aren't already and be formal,"_

"_It's okay Yao-nii," _Japan whispered into the earpiece, barely moving his lips.

"Good morning, aru," I turned around, plastering a smile on my face. I hadn't seen him weeks, not since I left his house that day. It seemed like forever. His violet eyes looked at me curiously, startled by my formality. I swallowed nervously.

"Are you a G8 member too, da?" He asked, sounding hopeful. He continued staring at me, attempting to figure me out. Words caught in my throat. _I missed you aru…_

"_Answer him Yao-nii,"_ whispered Japan into his Bluetooth. I blinked, and then met his gaze.

"Not at all, aru," I said softly but continued more strongly, "I was dropping Japan off," I turned around and Japan smiled at Russia weakly. Before Russia could open his mouth to reply the door slammed open, and someone burst in. We all jumped.

"Am I late again?! I'm so sorry…" The last member of the G8 meeting, I assumed, said softly. He faintly reminded me of America. It took us all a minute to figure out who he was. I took the opportunity to leave Russia and went to stand by Japan.

"Canada!" France finally said boisterously, "What took so long!"

"Is the meeting going to start now aru?" I asked Japan.

"Yes. It's going to be about 2 hours long," he replied. I flicked a glance at Russia, who was still looking at me nonplussed and turned back to Japan. I drew in a ragged breath.

"_So that means you have to leave then,"_ Belarus mused with the idea_, "Japan, since you're at the meeting, you won't need the __Bluetooth__. Hand it to China, but make sure Russia is looking. Pretend you guys are sharing a secret or something,"_

"_Like we're smuggling something aru_?" I muttered sarcastically. Japan gave an amused smile and Belarus gave a laugh.

"_Just make it look romantic," _She said impatiently, _"Bye Japan," _Belarus added.

"_Bye Belarus-san,"_ He unclipped it from his ear.

"Goodbye Yao-nii," He said a tad bit louder than normal, handing me the earpiece.

Belarus heard him through my earpiece, _"Tsk,"_ And muttered something about awful acting. He gave me an apologetic look, realizing this. I closed my hands around it, feeling Russia's eyes on us.

"Don't laugh at this, aru," I whispered in his ear quickly and pulled back. He gave a silent nod. Everyone eyed us with funny looks, "I'll be counting the minutes, aru," I replied fervently, allowing longing to filter in. I brought my hand up to lightly trace his cheek and smiled to him as romantically as I could. He suppressed a smile of amusement but instead gave me a well staged blush. I didn't risk a glance at Russia before walking out hastily and shutting the door silently behind me. I let out a deep breath.

"Let's start the meeting," Germany's stern voice began came from the other side of the door.

"_Was that good enough acting, aru?"_ I hissed to her.

"_I wasn't there, what did you do?"_ Belarus asked me as I started down the hall. I explained it to her swiftly.

"_Oh, good enough. I hope Japan will hint it to America at least….I'm almost to my boss's office, so I'm going to have to switch off for a while, but I'll try to get there before the meeting is done," _She paused_, "I guess I'll talk to you in a while," _I heard a click and then silence.

I suddenly felt lonely, Russia's face still in my mind as I stared at passing cars. It was slightly chilly and I made my way back home.

_I guess I should see if I have any work to finish too aru,_ I thought to myself.

It turned out I had a lot of work to do, my own boss was letting me take it easy for a while. He too had found out about me and Russia. I worked with great concentration, trying to cram as much as possible of weeks' worth of paperwork into two hours.

"_Where are you?" _An annoyed hissed came in my ear. I jumped, _"Japan's meeting is almost over!"_ Belarus chastised.

"I lost track of time aru!" I replied aloud. A girl working on another table looked up startled.

"_Well hurry, I'm waiting for you!" _I sighed. I shuffled my papers, and put them in the appropriate folders hastily.

"I'll finish this later aru," I said swiftly to the girl. She nodded and I hurried out.

* * *

**Russia's POV**

I didn't expect China to be in the G8 meeting room. He was walking towards Japan, his back towards me.

"Good morning everyone. China, da," I added, to make sure he knew he hadn't gone unnoticed. He paused in a half-stride. I wondered if he would still try to ramble on how much he loved me, I thought pleasantly. _Silly China, why can't you ever understand da?_

"Good morning, aru," He smiled at me. It felt wrong though, the smile didn't reach his eyes. He seemed guarded and too formal for my liking. Just like everyone else.

"Are you a G8 member too, da?" I stared into his amber eyes, hoping he would waver and admit something to explain his behavior. Something flashed in his eyes; weakness. He opened his mouth to try and say something. _Aah, he is acting…_

"Not at all, aru," He replied meekly after a few moments, "I was dropping Japan off," He said more strongly, gesturing towards him. _Why?_ I wanted to question him more but the door opened abruptly, with the Canada, the last G8 member. I turned to him, annoyed as France went to greet him. I turn back to China who was talking to Japan, near the door.

"Is the meeting going to start now, aru?" I heard him say.

"Yes, it's going to be about two hours long," Japan answered. China glanced up at me for half a second. He said something under his breath I couldn't quite catch. Japan gave him a smile which China returned.

"Good-bye Yao-nii," He said loudly but then flinched, realizing how loud he just said it. Japan handed something to China. China tugged Japan's hand and Japan stumbled a little forward. China whispered into his ear. My insides clenched. By now everyone was noticing their exchange.

"I'll be counting the minutes, aru," He replied subtly but sincerely and turned to walk out quickly.

_It was me you want China, da._ My body stiffened. I wanted answers. I drew in a breath and sat down, glaring at Japan. Germany started the meeting. America engaged Japan in a conversation, probably digging for information on what just happened.

_I would get information from Japan too._ I allowed myself a smile. Just two more hours.

The clock moved slower than usual as I replayed the scene in my mind over and over, a dreadful feeling growing in me. The way he smiled at Japan…so sickly sweet…his fingers on his cheek…the way Japan blushed and bowed his head…how China walked out, not bothering to look at me.

"Well, I guess that concludes today's meeting," England said, glancing at his watch, "I have another meeting with a few other nations in an hour so I guess I'll leave,"

"You just don't want to clean up after America," France snapped, gesturing at the strewn papers and wrappers all over the table, "No wonder you don't get any woman, you're a complete slob," He smirked at America. England turned a brilliant shade of red.

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean!" America asked.

"It means you have awful taste," France replied smugly, "You guys are a perfect match,"

"I don't see you surrounded by any women!"England shot back, flustered. They bickered out the door, Canada following them.

"Italy, we have some training to do," Germany ordered as they walked out the door.

"Ve? But I'm so tired Doitsu! Let's play soccer instead!"

I walked out back with them, glancing back at Japan. Japan sighed, before picking up crumpled wrappers and neatly putting away files into the correct folder. I waited for him to finish cleaning and turn off the light and waited outside.

Right as he was about to cross the threshold I blocked his path. Japan looked at me, startled. He had assumed I had left.

"Japan, let's talk da!" I said pleasantly, forcing him back inside.

* * *

**China's POV**

Belarus was sitting on the stairs outside the front building, looking sinister.

"Sorry, I caught up on some paperwork and lost track of time aru…" I flexed my cramped right wrist.

"Okay," She nodded curtly. The western countries burst out the double doors, arguing.

"Looks like I made it on time, aru," I noted. A few minutes later Germany and Italy came down the steps, Italy talking animatedly to him.

"Where's Japan?" She demanded, stopping them. Italy went oddly silent while he spoke, half-cowering behind him for protection.

"He's cleaning the mess America and the other made, he'll be out in a few minutes," Germany replied coolly.

"And my brother?" Belarus asked.

"He left too," Germany answered curtly and they left.

"I really don't see what the point was of me picking him up if no one was here to see it, aru," I said annoyed.

"So everyone see's you're here to pick him up," Belarus explained before sitting on the steps again. "I'm too tired to stand, let's wait for him here," I sighed and sat down next to her.

Ten minutes passed in silence, before something dawned to me.

"Belarus aru," I said in a quiet voice.

"Germany said Nii-san left, but Japan stayed back to clean up," she said slowly.

"But we didn't see either of them leave the building, aru," I added. She slowly turned to look at me.

"That means that…" She trailed off as I sprang up to my feet. I cursed and she got up too.

"I'll stay back…Nii-san might get suspicious if I'm with you," Belarus said quickly, "You go,"

"Oh, I'm glad you're worrying about the pressing matters. I'll worry about the lesser ones…like I don't know aru, maybe my younger brother's _health_!" I shot at her, before running up the stairs.

"Yea, I'll do that!" Belarus called after me.

I ran up the stairs, to impatient for the elevators. I raced through the halls, trying to remember the right one. I burst open the door to the G8 meeting room. The room was dark, the only light coming through the closed blinds of the windows. Russia had Japan against the wall.

"-kol kol," He finished saying in a weirdly deep voice. Both turned to the noise of the door bursting open. Japan was quaking in fear and his knees barely holding him. Russia was surrounding by a dark purplish aura, his eyes glowing sadistically for a moment before his expression smoothed.

"What the hell were you doing aru?!" My voice trembled. I ran to Japan, attempting to elbow Russia out of the way. He didn't stumble, but a pleasant smile spread across his face. I turned my back to Japan, shaking him by the shoulders, "Japan aru!" I said. His eyes were unfocused, unblinking though he was still trembling. I cupped his face, "Look at me, dammit aru!" I gave a slight slap. He blinked, focusing his eyes on me.

"Y-y-yao-ni-i," He said in a soft trembling voice, usually reserved for when he was highly embarrassed or scared.

"China, da," Russia said softly. I whirled around.

"Shut up aru!" My throat felt tight. _You say you don't love me aru, that you felt nothing for me…Does that mean to hurt me through my family too?_ _Why do you do this to me Russia_?! "Leave me and my family alone aru!" I yelled at him upset, before grabbing my brother and leaving the room.

Japan stumbled behind me and I took a quick glance behind me. Russia's fists were clenched and he stared at the floor, his bangs shadowing his face. He made no attempt to stop or follow me. Belarus wasn't on the steps where I left her. I took the quickest route home and she waited at my doorstep with my family, all of them with anxious looking faces.

An hour later Japan and I were drinking in the living room with my family and Belarus. Japan wasn't drinking; he was simply staring into the cup blankly. It was like he was stuck in some sort of trance. He hardly blinked, wouldn't talk, and movement was scarce.

"This is getting us nowhere," Taiwan snapped, falling into the sofa.

"Looks like we have to give up, ana," Thailand said, for once, not smiling.

"Can't find anyone else to fall in love with, Aniki?" He too, seemed exhausted as he sat next to Taiwan on the couch.

"Can't find anywhere else to sit?" She snapped, crossing her arms.

"Guess not," Vietnam answered both their questions.

"Japan," I shook his shoulder gently. He continued staring at his lukewarm tea, unperturbed, "Snap out of it aru!"

"Can _someone_ get somebody who can make him talk aru!" I said frustrated.

"Someone like Greece!" Taiwan cried.

"On it," Belarus said, leaving out the door. Greece came faster than expected. I gave up my seat next to Japan and explained everything.

"…after we came he hasn't uttered a single syllable, aru. And he won't move at all or try to communicate, aru,"

"Like the living dead," Belarus said softly. We all flinched. Greece frowned; looking slightly disconcerted. He pushed the coffee table back and sat on the floor, directly in front of Japan. He rested his hands on Japan's knees.

"Japan," He said in a soft voice. Japan blinked, but made no other indication. Greece took the cup from his hands and Vietnam wordlessly took it and placed it on the table. Japan continued staring at his now empty hands.

"It's okay," He continued murmuring. He placed a hand under Japan's chin and tilted it upwards so they were face to face.

"I'm here," He added in an even softer voice. Japan's hand twitched and he met Greece's gaze. Everyone sighed in relief. Greece stroked Japan's cheek gently. Japan started to tremble, color returning in his pale face.

Then without warning, he flung himself at Greece. Japan's movements were always unhurried and had a mellow demeanor to everything he said and did. Everyone looked at him startled at this outburst.

His arms tightly wrapped around Greece's neck and he buried his face against his shoulder; something that would cause him so much embarrassment he would normally lock himself in his room for a good week or two.

Greece fell back, hitting the coffee table painfully, just as startled as us. He relaxed easily, and wrapped an arm around Japan's waist, resting his back against the table for support. Japan was shaking silently, probably crying. I silently signaled everyone out of the room, giving them their privacy.

* * *

**Sorry, I just luv writing Greece and Japan together!~ =3 **

**I wanted to show how jealous yandere!Russia would act...I hope I didn't make him too evil!  
**

**Anyways, thanks for reading and please review!  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**China's POV**

Greece was made arrangements to stay over the night. Belarus went home, saying it was too suspicious for her to be out and that she needed to arrange Liet's and Poland's double date.

I splashed cold water against my face, refraining myself to think. I patted my face dry with a towel, slid the rubber band from my hair and brushed through it. I sat down on my bed, staring at the painting which loomed across from me. The same painting Russia admired what seemed to be ages ago. I was far from sleepy. I gritted my teeth, allowing thoughts through my mind.

Russia. A thousand emotions rose in me. My mind churned.

How did I fall in love with Russia in the first place? Was it how he always had this pleasant cute voice? His fondness for warmth and sunflowers? Or perhaps how my bed didn't seem so big when he was sleeping next to me (if only for one innocent night or so).Up until he started dating America there was something about him. He seemed so guarded. Anyone who talked to him or tried to get to know him he shunned away by using fear. But there was no doubt he probably felt lonely. How could anyone not see that? Even Belarus thought he didn't want to admit it because he was stubborn. He was, but more importantly he was scared. Scared that I would hurt him like America.

I gritted my teeth. America. If only I was a few minutes earlier than him. It's not fair aru. Maybe my bed wouldn't seem so big, and the painting wouldn't seem to loom over it. Maybe Russia and I would have shared more than just two painful kisses; one was apathetic and forced the other passionate but meaningless. Both very confusing.

But he still didn't understand. I felt frustrated. How can I love someone so much who felt nothing for me? This plan was pointless, completely futile…but yet…

Why would he scare Japan if he didn't care about me or who I was with? If he didn't care he wouldn't attack my family, unless he was jealous. So Belarus was right, Russia did have feelings for me. Despite myself I felt my insides warm, knowing this. Hurting me, to deny his feelings, but still getting jealous at Japan, proof that he indeed does have feelings.

But to scare Japan the way he did? That was dirty. _It's not fair aru._ He was fighting dirty, doing everything he could so he would not fall in love with me. I felt anger, sparking in me. Belarus realized this, and decided it was time to toughen up and make me fight dirty too. But what she didn't understand the reason he was pushing me away.

What is he thinking? That I'd hurt him like America? He was pushing me away before I could even try and fight for_ us_… I was definitely going to fight dirty for our love, because maybe, just maybe there was a slight possible chance Belarus's plan might work. Whether he likes it or not, this time I was going to play the mind games. I was going to fight dirty, more dirty than he would ever know he had coming. And he would love me in the end, for sure.

I gave a sigh, suddenly feeling felt exhausted. _Wo ai ni aru…_I lay my head on my pillow and within moments I fell asleep.

* * *

"Aniki!~," A voice called out and I felt something pounce on me, knocking the breath out of my chest. My eyes flashed opened and I tried to detangle myself from my blanket and Korea.

"What the hell aru!" I cried out.

"Get off him Korea!" Taiwan scolded.

"What I'm just waking him up!" He said sheepishly before getting off of me. I put a hand over my chest, gasping.

"I almost suffocated aru!" I yelled at him.

Taiwan opening the curtains, letting in morning light, "You're usually the first one up Gege, everyone's downstairs. Thailand made tea and breakfast," She added before shoving Korea out the door, leaving. I heaved myself off the bed, rubbing my temples.

Greece and Japan were sitting next to each other. Japan met my eye and gave a nod and gentle smile; though his eyes still looked sort of off. I took my cup of tea Hong Kong pushed forward to me. I took a sip before clearing my throat.

"Japan aru," I began, "I know you probably don't want to continue the plan, which I understand perfectly aru. I don't want you to feel upset or anything, and it's not your fault aru….Belarus and I will think of something else, I'm sure,"

They both exchanged glances. "Greece and I talked about it," He began, "A-and I don't want to give up on it yet. Besides, that'll just ruin everything we worked on," Japan said with hesitation, "Plus if Russia does love you…well I think he _does_ or else he wouldn't have-"Japan shuddered.

"Japan said you made it clear you were unhappy so he thinks Russia won't do it again," Greece finished, smoothing Japan's hair. I was surprised by how nicely Greece was taking it.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything aru, but shouldn't you be furious with us aru?" I asked.

"I am upset," Greece frowned, "We talked about it and decided to….to compromise. Just as long as he and Russia don't end up alone again I'm okay with it,"

"You think so?" Korea asked doubtfully, "Maybe we should try a different way,"

"If we give up now then everyone'll get suspicious," Vietnam protested. I nodded.

"True, plus Belarus'll get upset, and we don't need that…" Taiwan added.

"I can take care of myself," Japan encouraged.

"So I guess we're sticking to the plan huh?" Thailand smiled. Everyone nodded slowly.

"You guys annoy the hell out of me, constantly fight, rarely follow rules, always break things, but yet aru…" My throat constricted.

"We know Gege," Taiwan patted the back of my hand.

"It's what family is for," Japan smiled, reassuringly.

"By the way," Thailand looked at me, "A package came for you and Japan ana,"

"You guys already opened it, I assume aru?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, um, yes. We didn't touch anything though ana. It's from England," Thailand smiled sheepishly. He pushed a brown messily rewrapped package towards me. I opened the card. Sure enough, it was addressed to Japan and me. I opened the box.

"Scones aru?!"

* * *

**Russia's POV**

I rested my head against the window. It was snowing lightly. I sighed.

"R-russia-san?" Latvia called from the other side of my door.

"What is it?" I growled.

"W-w-will you j-join us for lunch?" He asked tentatively.

"No," I replied coldly. I heard his footsteps scurry away. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a sip of vodka. I turned around to face my room. Empty bottles littered the floor some broken, some half full, others empty. I would have to tell Latvia to clean my room. Or would he sell my bed to an antique shop like how he gave my everyday clothes to the museum? I closed my eyes. I hadn't left my room since my encounter with China and his brother yesterday. I gritted my teeth and angrily punched the window. Glass shattered and landed on the snow in pieces. Cold brisk air and bits of snow filled the muggy room. I drew in a sharp clean breath. It cleared my head a bit.

Maybe I should go down for a bite to eat. I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. I sauntered down the long halls, looking at the paintings, admiring the same Mataryoshka dolls China kept looking at, taking my time thinking so my mind didn't wander to….

A doll broke into brittle pieces in my hands. I sighed, shaking my head.

"So Liet, where were you this morning?" I heard Estonia saying.

"Poland and I went out with England and America this morning. I know you guys aren't into gossip much but it's about China," Lithuania began. I stopped walking.

"What about him?" Belarus asked with interest.

"I think he is going out with Japan," He imitated Poland with relish. Something in me snarled. My hands started shaking. I needed to hurt something.

"What?" Ukraine asked shocked. _Boing Boing. _She must've jumped from her seat in surprise.

"Yea. China dropped him off to the G8 meeting and whispered something in his ear and said he would be counting the minutes or something," My jaw clenched, " England said they seemed pretty happy about being together. He asked Japan about it, they started dating for a few days," He clarified.

"So looks like China's over Russia," Estonia surmised.

"Well I think it's nice," Latvia started, "I mean after Russia made China go through all that, I'm glad he is over Russia and moving on," Latvia said in a quiet voice. I entered the kitchen. Latvia was seated so his back was to me. The other Baltic's stiffened and Ukraine widened her eyes. Belarus just looked at me. Latvia didn't notice but continued talking, "I'm glad China's happy," I plastered a tight smile and placed a hand over Latvia's head.

"Is that so Latvia?" I asked pleasantly before pressing down. I saw the tremor race up his spine.

"R-russia-san," He stuttered weakly as I continued to press down, resisting the urge to crush his skull and watch little bits of his brain leak out of his-

"Why are _you_ so upset Nii-san?" Belarus accused. I stopped pressing down on Lativa's head in surprise and he gave a quick sigh of relief.

"I'll take my leave," He squeaked before sliding off the chair and scurrying away. Lithuania, Ukraine, and Estonia watched Belarus who stood up staring pointedly at me.

"Why am I upset, da?" I asked in disbelief.

"You should be glad China is leaving you alone. Besides, I thought you felt nothing for the China, Nii-san," She explained darkly. _Da, don't I?_

"I don't," I replied automatically. She stared at me, her eyes penetrating into me. I quickly broke her gaze and looked at Latvia's empty seat, glaring at it.

"Is that so?" She questioned, smirking, "You seemed pretty upset with Latvia,"

"Bela, don't start with him. You know how Russia-," Ukraine warned.

"Fine," She cut off and with that, she strode past me. Estonia and Lithuania quickly followed her out. I expected Ukraine to follow them out but she stayed seating.

"Have a seat Russia," Ukraine nodded, smiling at me. I sat.

She had a knowing smile on her face, which she rarely wore. She usually had this childish, forgetful smile and her eyebrows were usually pushed together in worry. Ukraine pushed a plate of food toward me and a glass of water.

"Eat," She said, "I baked the bread this morning," I ate, not sure what passed through my mouth. Her elbows rested against the table top, her hands folded under her chin. She still wore than knowing smile.

"Eat," She repeated, seeing that I stop. I brought a forkful of food to my mouth. I continued eating, occasionally glancing up at her. This wasn't like her. She was usually babbling on and on, debating with herself about mindless things.

I looked down, realizing I finished. I felt surprisingly full and warm, and felt a rush of gratitude to Ukraine. I glanced at her before drinking the water down and set it down.

"Ano…what is it?" I asked.

"It's okay," Her smile widened, "I understand…" And she too, got up and left.

_No you don't, da. _

I felt as though a cold blast of air hit me and chilling the emptiness in my body. I felt like a child. A child lost in a white blinding blizzard. Lost and scared with nowhere to go. And lonely. Da, very lonely. Though the child wasn't alone. He had fear, hurt, and misery as his companions. Awful companions, but helped as the child took a stand, prospering, fighting, growing…he still felt lonely.

I stiffened at my own train of thought. What was I talking about? I wasn't lonely, and I wasn't miserable, _I _was the one feared, and I wasn't hurt. _Or are you?_ I tiny whisper asked me.

I remembered my visit to Italy, my attempt to try and befriend him, the question I had sent to France on his radio show.

Others just don't understand me…that's all.

And if they think they do, they hurt me. I make sure they don't. But America fell through the cracks, in the most peculiar way I wasn't guarded for. But now I was foolproof. That way I don't need anyone. _Is that so? _It mocked. It reminded me an awful lot like Belarus.

_No,_ I answered. Obviously all that vodka I've been drinking was finally getting to me, as rare as it may. I stood up. I needed to take a walk, my mind was clouding again.

I opened the door, greeted by a brisk wind and flecks of snow. I made the scarf cling more snuggly around my neck, and walked down a familiar path.

_What about China? _The voice asked, my own this time. Even before America, China treated me without preconception. He was one of the few people who enjoyed my company; make me feel…what was the word? Happy. Then after America hurt me, he started to get close to me, figuring me out, hurting me (even if unintentionally). China almost slipped through the cracks, almost. But not quite. The snowing stopped. And I wasn't going to let him.

He was probably copying America when he said he loved me. Though with China it felt genuine, passionate, confusing. He was an expert in that field then, compared to America. I loved China too, for a bit, falling for the trap. But I didn't let him. I don't love him anymore. That's right, I don't love him. He lied too. If he did love me then he wouldn't be with Japan. I felt anger rising. Japan, how dare he.

I stopped walking, looking around confused. I was in front of a familiar house. China's home. I should pay him a visit as friendly nations and neighbors. "I don't love him, da," I said firmly out loud as if it would make it sound more true. Then I knocked on the door.

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**Thanks for reading! ^.^ Please Review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Hey everyone! Sorry this update was a little late desu...But thanks so much for your reviews! I mean it! I love you all, my dear readers!**

* * *

**China's POV**

Japan and Greece were upstairs in his room and Thailand's and Vietnam's boss had called them both. Korea was back to annoying Taiwan already, snooping in and out of her room. Hong Kong was reading a book, and was the only one brave enough to try a scone before spitting it out.

I was in my room, painting; something I hadn't done it in a while. I created a few watercolor landscapes and flowers the color of violet. They reminded me of Russia's eyes. I didn't draw sunflowers though. Just in case Russia would sneak in my room at night and look around. I gave a wry laugh to myself.

"GEGE!" Taiwan hollered, "TELL KOREA TO LEAVE ME ALONE!" I frowned setting the brush down, before heading to my door which Korea fled past. Taiwan skidded to a halt in front of my door. She had angry tears in her eyes.

"He kept sneaking up on me then yelling 'Your diary originated in Korea!', 'Your hair clip originated in Korea!' Tell him to stop!" She said exasperated. I gave her a sympathetic pat on her shoulder before chasing Korea to the living room. Korea had a comical grin.

"Leave your sister alone, aru," I growled, cornering him. He opened his mouth to say something when there was a knock on the door.

"That must be Vietnam," Korea said quickly.

"I'll have her deal with you aru," I mumbled to myself before opening it. My eyes widened in disbelief and confusion.

"China, da," He said pleasantly. He smelled strongly of vodka and had specks of melting snow in his hair. I felt my breath catch in my throat, but collected myself quickly. _Fight dirty aru._

"How dare you come here aru?!" I yelled, hoping my voice didn't shake, "After what you did to Japan!" I felt Korea's footsteps halt behind me.

"Just to visi-" He stopped himself, "To apologize, da," He corrected.

"Right aru," I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes even though my heart pounded against my chest. Could he see through my mask?

"Okay, I came to see you," He said truthfully. _Think of a quick comeback aru…_

"Why would you want to see me aru?" My eyes narrowed, "I thought you didn't love me aru, and quite frankly, I got tired of waiting aru," My chest hurt as I lied_. I could and I would wait another four thousand years if I had to. _Something flickered in his violet eyes. The reason I was still fighting.

"Can't nations visit each other?" He asked innocently, "See, Greece is here!" He looked over my shoulder. I turned. On the bottom the stairs was Greece, Japan, and Taiwan who came down to investigate the noise I was making. I thought for split second.

"He's just here because his boss and Taiwan's boss are working together, right Taiwan aru?" I gave her a desperate look. She nodded automatically.

"That's right," She crossed her arms, "And you think we'll let you in after what you did to China? To Japan?" Japan flinched.

"I'm sorry," Russia said.

"You don't sound sorry at all," Korea snorted.

Russia's hands started to tremble. I made the mistake of meeting his eyes. He looked like a frightened child, lost, and a bit desperate. I tried looking away but every imaginary boundary I built between us over the short amount of time for Belarus's plan broke.

"I guess you could have one cup of tea, aru," I said quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat. Russia gave a small smile as I stepped aside to let him in, "In the living room," I added to him.

"Aniki!" "What the heck Gege?!" My siblingsprotested. My mind reeled, thinking of something to say. I shut the door.

"It's part of the plan aru," I whispered frantically.

"Oh sure!" Taiwan hissed, following me into the kitchen. Hong Kong walked in, book in hand, probably to see what the noise was about.

"He let Russia in!" Korea explained to him angrily. Hong Kong raised an eyebrow at me. _He was the only one seeing me kiss Russia aru, surely he would understand?_ I looked at him desperately.

Hong Kong walked to the counter and pushed the brown package of scones England gave me. I looked up at him in confusion. Realization dawned to Korea and Taiwan.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," Korea smiled evilly, opening the package of scones and placing them on a plate.

"See? Part of the plan aru!" I explained to Taiwan, relieved. Taiwan still looked doubtful. Japan walked in with Greece. Japan was unperturbed for the most part.

"You let him in," Greece stated, a hand hovering over the small of Japan's back.

"It's okay," Japan reassured softly. "I'm fine,"

I set down a tray of tea cups and a plate of England's scones. I tucked the card in my pocket and went into the living room. Russia was looking around curiously. Everyone sat and took a cup of tea.

"Have a scone," Korea encouraged, grinning. Russia surprised by Korea's sudden kindness, took a bite without pausing. He then abruptly shuddered, his face countered into disgust as he choked it down. He coughed lightly. Korea laughed as everyone else snickered. I bit my lip, trying not to join them, though a small snicker escaped my mouth.

"It's…good da," Russia said, his cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. He lightly as he took a sip of tea to wash out the taste, "Did you make them?"

"England brought them for me and Japan aru," I said lightly in a conversational tone, before pulling out the card.

"Thoughtful of him isn't it?" Japan smiled. He looked a little rigid but Greece's presence seemed to help his nerves. Russia glared at him and the room felt a few degrees colder. Japan continued smiling tightly at me, determined to not to meet Russia's icy glare, though he visibly started to tremble slightly.

Korea quickly gulped down the scorching tea and smacked his lips, "Nothing in the world like a nice cup of tea to warm you eh?" He said in a slight lisp before standing, "Well, I'll be off then!" And with that, he escaped.

"I'm going to take my tea upstairs too," Taiwan announced, "Greece and I still have a lot of work," Greece nodded and stood up. Japan gave him a desperate look.

"Oh Japan, I think we're going to need your help on this project too," She added in a businesslike manner. Quickly my family left, leaving just me and Russia. Russia broke his icy glare. We were silent for a few moments.

"So anyways Russia, it's been a while aru. How are you?" I asked, feigning pleasantness. _Wait, what was I doing aru?_ He gave me a confused look. "Okay, I'll cut the crap aru," I drew in a sharp breath, "The only reason I invited you in was to know why you did that to Japan aru,"

"We had a fight during the G8 meeting," He lied quietly, staring at his cup.

"Is that so, aru," I said, tingeing my voice with sarcasm.

"…" He didn't reply.

_So far so good aru_, "I know why you did it aru, but I won't ask how come," I said calmly though my heart was quivering, "Because this has nothing to do with you _pitying _me aru," I added my voice an octave higher than normal. I was letting my façade slip.

_Fight dirty aru, just do it_, "Because I simply don't care about it anymore aru," Was all I managed to say as I looked at his helpless expression, "But don't you dare lay a finger on my brother again aru," I threatened fiercely.

"I didn't touch Japan-" He broke in numbly

"You know what I mean aru," I replied sharply. Russia looked at me like he didn't recognize me. My heart throbbed, but I held his gaze evenly. It was silent for a few minutes. We stared at each other intensely. He looked lost, as if searching in my eyes would give him answers. I gave nothing away.

"You finished your tea aru," I said softly breaking the silence, "Would you like more?" He shook his head.

"Then I guess your little visit is done then aru," I said gently before standing up. He stood up too, though staring at the floor. Despite the fact he was heads taller than me he suddenly seemed like smaller. I escorted him out the door. He gave me one last look full of bewilderment and an overwhelming feeling of abandonment, before leaving. I don't know what my face betrayed before I shut the door safely. My family and Greece bounded down the steps.

"Aniki we heard everything; that was awesome!" "-just wait till I tell Vietnam and Thailand!" "-Yao-nii, that was really brave of you-" They said at once. I pushed my way past them, feeling Russia's painful confusion in every breath of mine.

"I-I need to be alone aru," I said throatily, hurrying up the steps. I slammed the door to my bedroom and opened the window as widely as it could, drawing in deep breaths. I saw Russia slowly walk into the forest, shoulders hunched, and scarf lightly blowing in a breeze. He didn't look back.

I continued looking out the window, the afternoon sun warming my skin. Time passed. I saw Vietnam and Thailand walked up the steps of our home, both looking worn out by a long day's work. The sun was setting. More time passed and the sound of pots and pans clattered filtered from downstairs.

A girl with silvery blonde hair tied by a blue bow darted out of the forest. Belarus.

I hastily put away my painting tools and canvases neatly before heading down stairs. The sound of something simmering and savory smells came from the kitchen.

"Hey," Belarus said casually, leaning against the wall in the hallway. I stopped, "Taiwan told me everything," I sighed and heard laughter coming from the kitchen.

"Really aru?" I asked dully.

"I think it was brilliant," She said quietly, but I saw excitement in her eyes, "I didn't think you could pull it off, but you did,"

"Neither did I aru, but I did," I drew in a deep breath before adding, "But I don't think I can do it again aru,"

"Why not?" She asked, suspiciously alarmed.

"Because, I hurt him aru. You should have seen his face aru, it was so…" I couldn't finish, my throat tightening.

"Exactly! He's _finally_ realizing his real feelings for you! Of course it'll hurt him!" Her casual posture was gone; she stood erect, her eyes fierce, hands trembling slightly.

"I can't do it anymore!" I said exasperated, trying to maintain calm, "I can't hurt him like that again aru!" I hissed.

"Of course you _can_ do it again! You just don't _want_ to that's all," She crossed her arms. Her anger was radiating around her and her eyes darkened. For some reason they didn't seem as frightening as before.

"Maybe because I _love_ him aru," I said sarcastically, "Which is why I don't like this plan." I added.

"So you're going to throw in the towel?" She said in disbelief, "After what we worked on?" She had a point. I looked down.

"It's not fair aru," I replied. I wrapped my arms around my waist as a reflex, "I feel like I'm tricking him, like America did aru," I explained.

"But you aren't like that fag," She replied, "Japan has your consent and Greece is fine with it. You aren't cheating anybody,"

"Belarus," I said earnestly, "You should have seen your brother's face aru," My voice trembled, "He…he…" My eyes stung. _How could I explain it to her aru? _

"Hey Belarus," Taiwan came into the hallway. I quickly wiped my eyes, putting on a fake smile, "Foods done," She led us into the dining table where everyone was already wolfing down on dinner.

"Japan and Greece went on a date ana," Thailand said as I eyed his empty seat, "Don't worry, no one will notice them," He reassured Belarus with a smile.

"Pass me the rice Hong Kong," Korea said.

"Speaking of dates," Belarus started and I felt my stomach drop, "I think China and Japan should go on a very public one. Any ideas?" I set down my utensils and made a face.

"Dinner at a restaurant ana?" Thailand suggested. I made a face, "Er…or a movie?" He added.

"I don't think I can get Russia their without looking conspicuous," Belarus rejected.

"There's a carnival going on next week, it's near the UN building. I think a lot of nations are going just for fun," Vietnam volunteered.

"Oh, Lithuania mentioned something about that…isn't it after the next world meeting?" Belarus mused with the idea.

"Yep," Korea nodded, "It's going to be awesome and at around midnight we're gonna light fireworks and Hong Kong-" He fell silent and I heard a soft thump from under the table and Korea wince in pain. Across from him, Hong Kong was glaring at him.

"Just as long as you don't bring them in the house aru," I allowed. Everyone cheered. I sank back in my chair, placing my chopsticks down. We were probably going to get the letters about the world meetings tomorrow.

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**Q: Is China evil enough to feed Russia England's scones?  
A: Lol, yea**  
**Poor Russia…Well, he deserves it, no? xD**

**(I'll try and update faster next time /orz) Please review!~**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Just like to thank you all for reading and reviewing! \(^D^)/**

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**Russia's POV**

I sat on my chair, staring at the large double doors impatiently. Nations started coming in, lingering around, or sitting down, organizing papers. Any minute now China would come. I didn't know why I was so anxious.

_-His amber brown eyes, usually warm and genial were cold and fierce. I listened to his words numbly. The China I knew would never be so mean, never. I was lost. How could someone change so drastically over the course of a few short weeks?-_

Belarus sat down next to me, adjusting the bow on her hair. Ukraine was talking animatedly with a very confused Estonia on my other side. America and England walked in. America caught my eye momentarily. I gave him an eerie smile and he shuddered, looking away. France was following behind them, pestering England about something followed by the Asian countries. China and Japan weren't one of them. Then a few minutes later, when almost everyone was seating, they walked in. They weren't making physical contact or anything but my hands still clenched in my lap. They sat next to each other, seats closer than necessary.

_It's me, you're suppose to love me da…_

The meeting started normally, and then turned into its usual ruckus. France and England started fighting, Germany was yelling at everyone to maintain order and Romano was trying to lob tomatoes at him. People started getting up and bicker loudly, but China and Japan stayed seating, talking in undertones. Italy skipped up to them. I strained my ears to listen.

"Ve!~ World meetings are so fun!" He said dodging a tomato narrowly, sitting down next to Japan, where Switzerland would usually sit but was having a haughty argument with Austria on the other side of the room.

"I thought they were designed to help with international peace aru," China joked, gesturing towards the bickering countries. Japan smiled at him.

America scrabbled on top of the head of the oval table, starting to sing his national anthem at the top of his lungs, "OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEE!~"

"AMERICA MAKING A FOOL OUT OF HIM SEEELF!" France continued in the same tune. I frowned, annoyed, trying to block them out.

"Ne ne, there is a carnival tonight! Doitsu's taking me! You two are going right?" Italy asked them loudly over America's and France'singing.

"So training is cancelled today?" Japan asked. Italy nodded eagerly.

"Do you want to go together aru?" He asked Japan. Japan looked away in embarrassment but then nodded.

"We're going then aru," He confirmed to Italy.

"We'll see you there then!~ It'll be so fun! There'll be games and food and rides and a lot of people are going! Eto…I wonder if big brother Spain is going, I'm going to go ask him. Later!" He gave a wave and walked away.

"It's like getting so loud in here with America singing and all. Hey Russia, can't you do anything?" Poland asked to me, flipping his hair.

"Da?" I turned around.

"Well who cares about the singing, guess what I heard!" He said eagerly. I clenched my jaw, "China and Japan are dating! Wicked isn't it? I thought he was into you but I guess he got over it and-"

"P-poland! Look, that nation is wearing the same shirt as you!" Lithuania came.

"What?"Poland whirled around and Lithuania hastily shoved Poland away from me.

Usually I enjoyed world meetings, enjoying looking at other countries acting foolish but today I slipped out of the noisy room dodging tomatoes, feeling miserable. It was a lot quieter outside, the noise was muffled. I walked up and down the hall, contemplating whether or not I should go to the carnival.

The lighting was still dim (someone should fix that) and the small office in which China and I once were alone was unlocked. I walked into the claustrophobic room. _I should have stayed that time da_, I thought. I should have stayed with China and not run after Belarus. _Things would be different. _I felt strange. Was it remorse? Remorse, I felt it a few times, but never like this. It hurt to breath. _Remorse. _

I walked out of the room, hoping that the reason it hurt to breathe was because it was probably too stuffy in the tiny office. At the same time China and Japan walked out of the room with their hands intertwined. They were talking again, in hushed voices. _What in the world was there to talk about all the time like that?_ They didn't notice me, and even if they did they made no gesture to show it, and walked in the opposite direction where the elevators were. I stood there a few desolate minutes and the double doors burst open spilling out the other nations. The meeting was probably over. Or cancelled. Belarus saw me and made her way towards me.

"Nii-san?" She said, walking to me "Is something wrong?" She asked innocently. I shook my head mechanically. Her face clouded with worry.

_I think it's remorse da, "_Just a little headache. The world meeting today is so noisy today, da"

"Yep, that's why China left with Japan early," She said slyly as I blanched, "Ne ne Nii-san, take me to the carnival tonight!" She added enthusiastically.

"Da?" I asked confusingly.

"A carnival at a local park! Take me!" She looped her arms around mine; tugging me to the elevators where nations waited to leave, some taking the stairs, "Buy me some things, and let's play some games together! Win me a toy," She said in a slightly raspy voice which she got whenever she was excited. Which was not good.

"L-like a date or something da?" I managed to say. The elevator doors dinged and opened. Belarus dragged me in with her.

"Of course not!" She feigned hurt, "I'm trying to…what's the word…_refrain_ myself. It's not like brothers and sisters can't go out to carnivals and still not be brother and sister!"

"But I'm not seeing anyone, da," I said suspiciously, "Why would _you_ want to refrain?" Some countries got into the elevators I didn't notice.

"Didn't I tell you the last World Meeting?" She said, her tone more serious, "People change Nii-san," She said, in a quietly, deadly-like voice. I shuddered.

"O-of course," I agreed. I looked away as the elevator doors closed and we started going down. America, England, and Poland were inside. America's hair was wet and filled with tomato seeds, his suit stained with tomato juice. He met my eyes. He looked pained, as if that would make up for everything he inflicted on me. I stared back, not sure what emotion I was feeling. Or maybe I wasn't feeling anything.

"But of course, some fags never change," Belarus snarled, pushing past me, her fingers held up in a retracted way as if they were claws instead of hands. She stalked towards America in the cramped moving elevator.

"H-hey Belarus! It's not like that!" England put himself in front of America, blocking her as I held her back. Poland looked at us wide eyes, his eyes wide in excitement. More gossip. I grimaced.

"It's okay Bela," I said. She eased back.

"Hey Russia, I know we never got a chance to talk properly but I just want to apologize-" America suddenly burst out.

"I know you're not sorry da," I narrowed my eyes at America as the elevator doors dinged and opened, letting us out. He froze.

"I am, I really am-" England tugged America for his own safety and they walked out and Belarus pushed me out. Poland slipped out, still tailing us.

"You could have told me before hand that our relationship meant nothing," I said quietly.

"I know, I didn't realize you would feel- "

"Whatever," I walked off. _This would have been China I was talking with, da. Hypothetically if I did love him back. He would leave me for Japan. Just like America left me for England. _I was about to turn and go home.

"Let's get some coffee Nii-san," Belarus pulled me into a nearby café. I shrugged. She ordered for us and sat me down on a chair. I looked around. China and Japan were near the windows giving them a view of the street and the park where they were setting up the carnival Italy and Bela were talking about. I took a sip of my bitter drink. They were sharing a small bowl of fruit, taking turns feeding each other. China was talking animatedly to Japan, his eyes twinkling as Japan laughed.

"Say 'aah' aru!~" He said and attempted to feed Japan a strawberry. Japan giggling and shook his head.

"You eat some Yao-nii," Japan said but China shoved it into Japan's mouth anyway. They both laughed again.

"What are you looking at Nii-san?" Belarus broke in. I looked at her. She was picking at her muffin, looking at me languidly. I looked away back to China and Japan. They were talking about something; I strained my ears to hear, "Oh," She said, following my line of sight. I didn't say anything.

"The way you look at China, how am I supposed to believe you don't like him, even a little?" Belarus asked me amused.

"Of course I like him, da, I like everybody," I mumbled, taking a gulp of coffee. It burned my throat and I shuddered.

"You're fooling yourself….But I guess I'll go and say hello," She said, standing up and walking towards them. China looked up at her surprised, but ushered her to sit. It looked like Belarus had made her amends with him. I willingly got up too, following her. I met China's eyes. His smile vanished. _Why don't you smile at me da?_

"Oh it's you, aru," He said, sounding disappointed. _Yes it's me, wasn't I your "everything" before? _He didn't usher me to sit like he did with Belarus. In fact, he looked sort of upset.

"So you're going to the carnival?" Belarus asked them. I sat down next to her in the empty seat.

"Yes, with Japan aru," He smiled at her, "Are you going too?"

"Nii-san and I are going together as _siblings_," She stressed the last word to me. I stared at China, who refused to look at me.

"Oh…actually Bela, I'd rather not," I frowned. Disappointment flickered through her face. "I have to go meet up with my boss right now, da," I glanced down at a watch I didn't have on my wrist as I lied before getting up and leaving.

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**China's POV**

"They're here," Japan said in a low voice. So far this part of the plan had worked smoothly. Russia overheard our conversation with Italy, he saw us walk out holding hands (which was very awkward), and Belarus would now lead him to the café. We were supposed to do something couple-like which Belarus didn't elaborate on. I sighed, letting the same lame ideas run through my mind which Japan and I thought up of during the world meeting.

"I have an idea!"Japan said suddenly, "When we were little you use to feed us remember? Since we were so messy and couldn't hold utensils properly?" I nodded, seeing where this was heading. Russia and Belarus sat down, ordering.

"A small fruit salad please aru," I told a nearby waitress who were passing us. She nodded, and arrived and held it for a few moments, not sure on whose side to place it. Japan met my eyes and grimaced.

"This is going to be awkward," He said, placing it in the middle. The waitress looked at us one last time before taking someone else's order.

"Yep, give me a nod when Russia's looking this way," I said, picking up a sliced apple, and offered it to Japan. A small smile couldn't help but play on my lips.

"I remember when Korea was little, aru," I said suddenly, "He was such a messy eater. And picky too aru, until he grew a little older," Japan looked at me curiously chewing the apple slice given.

"I was feeding him something aru," I remembered, "Then he bit me because I wouldn't let him get up and play until he finished everything on his plate aru," I narrowed my eyes, remember the feisty toddler version of Korea, "And I had to chase him all around our house into the forest," I paused for a breath.

"You know what he did, that little devil aru? He climbed a tree and fell asleep aru! So when I called him out he didn't hear or reply. I spent all day looking for him aru. He woke up at around evening time and climbed down, and then gave me a grin and said 'I'm the best hide-and-seek player ever Da-Ze!' aru,"

I shook my head, "After I was through with him, he was sure to sit down and finish all his food before leaving aru," Japan laughed and then nodded suddenly. I almost forgot the plan and picked up a strawberry.

"Say 'aah' aru!~" I said with flourished. Japan shook his head and chuckled.

"You eat some Yao-nii," He protested and I forced it into his mouth.

"At least you didn't bite me like Korea aru," I laughed. Belarus came over a few moments later and gave the tiniest of nods. Russia followed her. My smile left me and I felt dread. I couldn't bring myself to look at his hurt face. _She didn't mention this part of the plan aru._ We had a light conversation before Russia got up and left abruptly.

We waited till Russia was out of sight before speaking.

"That was great," Japan smiled at me.

"Yea, the whole feeding scene, Russia saw it all," Belarus said satisfied.

"It was Japan's idea aru," I credited.

"We should get ready for tonight," Belarus said, standing up, "I'll see you there,"

"But I thought Russia wasn't going," Japan frowned.

"He won't go with me, but if China's going, he'll definitely show up," Belarus smiled.

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**AN: /orz Lame ideas, sorry I'm so stupid aru.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Important note people! I changed my pen name from Sharly48625 to Shofina48625 (for my own personal reasons) but rest assured that I'm still the same person and not a hacker, lol. xD**

**Also, apologies on the slow update—now, onto the next chapter!**

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**Russia's POV**

The carnival was set in a local park, bigger than it actually looked like. Little kids ran around and the glowing stalls were surrounded by chattering people. It was though, without a doubt, an awful day in set it up. The sky was cloudy; the air was misty and chilly. It would probably start raining in a few short hours. Funny though, the sky was clear and the sun was warm just this morning. Many people looked up at the sky with worried glances, hugging their jackets closer to them.

I saw a few nations; Ukraine and Belarus who gave me a smug look but didn't say anything, Italy and Germany opened a food stall, and France who tried to open a kissing booth. Everyone was dressed up. Even Belarus ditched her usual dress for a lacier one. Maybe it was discussed in the meeting.

I walked in the shadows on the outskirts of the carnival.

"What?! Again aru!" The voice made me stop in my tracks. China and Japan were playing a booth. You had to shoot the balloon in the middle of the target to get a prize. Japan wore a dark red, dragon-print kimono. China wore a majestic purple colored mandarin collared shirt, fastened together with silver buttoning on one side. It suited him well.

"Come on Yao-nii, let's try another booth," Japan ushered.

"No, once more aru, please," China pleaded. He was eyeing a large overstuffed panda bear. I leaned against a tree, crossing my arms, cracking a small smile. He was so cute at times like this. The teenager running the stand accepted the money and handed him the plastic gun, reloaded with the darts. China missed all three times. The game was probably rigged, the balloon moved a little whenever China tried to shoot. Japan looked at him impatiently. China handed the teenager more money.

"This time you try aru," He ordered, looking at the bear anxiously. The teenager smirked. Japan missed all three times as well.

"Come on Yao-nii, Taiwan is probably looking for us," Japan said exasperated, tugging his brother who fingered the bear affectionately.

"Yea, okay aru," He said defeated, and unwillingly beginning to walk away. I stepped out of the shadows and walked up to the teenager.

"Three darts da," I asked politely. The teenager looked up at me surprised. I smiled widely. The teenager nodded, shakily refilling the dart gun, forgetting to ask for money. I saw China stop Japan from the corner of my eye. I raised it, aiming it at the balloon before asking, "This isn't rigged right? Kol kol?" I asked pleasantly.

"No- of course not-" He winced as I smiled a little more menacingly. He looked around anxiously and spoke in a low voice, "I can stop the-" He stopped himself from spilling the secret, "t-the rigged part but you have to shoot the balloon yourself sir," I nodded, before smiling again.

I aimed and shot, the balloon making a loud pop. There was a corny dinging noise and the teenager yelled in a shaky voice, "C-congratulations! We have a winner! Choose your prize!" I unhooked the panda bear. I nodded at him before turning.

China and Japan were still there; Japan looking at me with suspicion and warily, while China looking at me with suspicion and hope. I held out the bear to him wordlessly. His hands twitched at his sides.

"Take it da," I offered. Japan tugged China's arm in protest as they rose slightly. China bit his lip, looking at Japan who gave a slight indication of displeasure. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why should I aru?" China retorted to me, though looking at the bear and not me.

"Because I don't want it," I smiled.

"Then why did you get it aru?"

"I wanted to play the game," I lied, "And this was the closet prize to my hand da,"

"So it's not like you played the game on purpose then aru?" He asked hopefully, "To give it to me?" He gestured at the bear.

"What are you doing Yao-nii?" Japan asked in a low voice.

"Of course not," I lied over Japan's voice. China nodded curtly, and pushed his eyebrows together in determination to not seem happy and grabbed the bear from me almost hungrily. Japan sighed heavily. China gave him an impish look, hugging the bear, mouthing the word 'sorry' to Japan.

"Taiwan is looking for us aru," China said weakly. Japan gave him an annoyed look and walked away into the crowd with China close on his heels, "W-wait Japan I'm sorry!" I heard him say before his voice got lost in the chatter of the crowd.

It was natural for Japan to get upset. And it was natural for China to feel guilty and chase after him to make amends. But it still made me upset. I glared at the sky, my fists clenching. The sky was blanketed think with clouds, barely allowing the stars to shine through. _What was going on with me_? Somewhere, thunder rumbled.

**China's POV**

"Japan, come on don't tell Belarus aru! Please!" I pleaded him, walking after him.

"Tell me what?" A voice came behind us. We both flinched. She looked at us expectantly before Japan spoke up.

"Russia gave him this," Japan gestured at the bear, "China wanted it. We tried playing but couldn't win. Russia saw, played, won, and told China to take the bear, which he did"

"What?! You should have just told him off and walk away!" Belarus yelled at me. I looked down guiltily, hugging the bear closer. I rested my chin against it. _So soft and fuzzy aru… _

"But it's so cute aru," I said quietly, trying not to sound like a whiney child.

"You took it from Nii-san because it was _cute_?" She repeated. I took a step back.

"Belarus, it's okay, Yao-nii's always had a soft spot for cute things. He tried to tell him off but Russia knew he couldn't resist…" Japan trailed off. Belarus glared at me darkly for a minute before resigning.

"Yea, I guess everyone has soft spots," She looked away. I smiled at hesitantly.

"The next time you see Russia be mad at him," Japan suggested, "And I guess, um, be angry because you made me 'upset' or 'jealous'" Belarus nodded.

"Okay aru," I said.

"There you are Japan!" Taiwan cried out, pushing past a few people, "Japan, there is this really cool booth I want to show you I know you'll love! And Greece is looking for you" She added quietly, nudging him playfully. Japan blushed.

Belarus smirked at him, "Better hurry, the weather doesn't look so good," They both nodded as thunder rumbled.

"I'll see you in a bit Yao-nii,"

"I left Ukraine waiting at a booth when I saw you two, she's waiting for me," Belarus left abruptly.

_Oh well aru, it has been a while since I had time to myself. _I strolled around. The air was getting mistier; it was going to rain soon.

People started to round up their children, and people running stalls looked up at the sky anxiously, some taking down there merchandise. I wander around, and met a few nations, having a pleasant chat. They were all curious.

"Have you heard about what happened to America and Russia today?" Poland flipped his hair. My friendly smile left me.

"What about them aru?" I asked, my insides tightening. I hugged the bear tightly.

"They had a fight in the elevator, I was there, first-hand," His eyes gleamed and I relaxed a notch.

"Really aru?" I commented politely.

"Yep, America was trying to apologize and Russia like 'whatever,' and totally left him standing there! Personally, I totally get Russia. I mean who apologizes to their ex in the middle of a crowded elevator? That's sooo lame!" Poland said.

"Oh," I sighed. Something cold hit the top of my head. I looked up. Drops of water began falling from the darkened sky.

"My hair!" Poland squealed before running to cover.

The carnival suddenly turned to chaos. People were running, calling out names of their children, the people running stalls hurrying to pack up. The rain patter slowly increased. I swore as thunder rumbled. The weatherman; the only idiot who never gets fired for being wrong.

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**Russia's POV**

From a distance I saw the carnival turn into a complete mess and disperse. The downpour was coming hard, numbing my ears. I stood against a tree, its dense canopy of leaves and branches thick enough to keep the base dry.

China chased after Japan to apologize for making him upset. The thought made my stomach churn. Lightning flashed through the sky, illuminating the park momentarily. Thunder rumbled, seeming to understand my angry mood.

"Fuck," A small figure ran under the tree, drenched to the bone. It was China, who hadn't noticed me. The streetlamps placed sporadically around the park gave me some light to see him. His violet top clung to his skin in an alluring way and he was shivering. I saw goose bumps on his pale skin. The panda I had won him was wet too, but it seemed as if China had attempted to keep it dry. He placed it on a patch of dry grass carefully.

He slid the wet elastic band from his limp hair. China muttered under his breath as he wrung out his hair. Despite the fact I was feeling angry I couldn't help but smile at him, feeling lighter by the fact Japan wasn't with him.

"Hey," I said softly. He froze, looking for the owner of the voice. I came out from the shadows as lightening flashed at the exact same time.

"Aiyaa!" He jumped and shrieked.

"Oh it's you aru," He placed a hand over his chest, breathing deeply, "You startled me aru," He relaxed.

"Da," I replied. His presence made my anger just slide away. _I wonder why…_ His amber eyes glared out into the pounding rain.

"What a shitty night for a carnival aru!" He muttered. He didn't seem to remember the fact he was mad at me or giving me the cold shoulder.

"At least they didn't set up any rides da," I agreed, "That would have made it worse," He gave a curt nod, crossing his arms, still glaring angrily out in the rain. He was shivering, and it looked more like he was trying to stay warm than to stay cross with nature. Thunder rumbled as lightening flashed. A fierce wind blew past us. China's teeth started to chatter. He was not use to the cold. _I should offer him my coat, da_. He'd have to take off his clothes though, before wearing it though or else the coat would get damp and he would catch a cold. It would cover up to his ankles and was oversized, but it would warm him up.

"You should take off all your clothes da," I said suddenly.

"What the _hell_ aru?" He jumped, taking a defensive position. He looked confused and furious at the same time.

"Um…I meant-" I felt my cheeks tint pink.

"I know what you meant aru," He said icily, straightening his back and crossing his arms again, though this time glaring at me. Another fierce wind blew past, and this time China didn't even shudder, "I think you stated it pretty clearly. But I have no interest in doing it aru," Lightening flashed again, plainly showing the fury on China's face. I looked down in embarrassment. His cold eyes stared down at me for a few moments before he turned away, staring out into the pounding rain.

"I'm sorry, da," I muttered and turned to face the downpour, though I wasn't sure he heard me against the loudness of the rain. His anger and irritation and regret for even _choosing_ this tree to take shelter under radiated off of him. I swallowed a lump in my throat, abandoning the explanation to my words. A few moments passed and another question rose to my mind.

"Yao, do you love Japan, da?" I burst out. China didn't even flinch or move at my unexpected question.

"Yes aru," He spoke softly, still staring out into the rain.

"Why do you love him?" I pressed, demanding to know. China opened his mouth but then closed it again, frowning, pressing his lips in a tight line.

"That is none of your business aru," He replied slowly.

"It is my business da!" I replied feeling sparks of anger.

"No it isn't aru!" He broke out, lashing at me, "What is wrong with you? You shouldn't be asking me a question like that! It shouldn't matter to you who I love and who I don't aru! You should be glad you don't have me tailing after you, confusing you, _loving_ you aru!" He stomped up towards me, closing the short distance between us, and pointed an angry finger at my chest, "Making you do all those things out of _pity_ aru!" His fiery amber eyes were shining with angry tears.

I took an unintentional step backwards, flinching. Thunder crashed down, and another gust of wind stung my face. _You hurt him da._ I denied the thought, flicking it away, "That's not the reason kol kol," I retorted darkly. He remained unperturbed, seeming immune, though he trembled slightly. White lightening flashed the sky again.

"Why do you play with my head aru?" He said, suddenly sounding resigned, as if his outburst drained him. Even the rain seemed to quiet down it's pounding against the ground. His hand that still pointed to my chest went limply to his side and he started to tremble again, but not from fear, "You pull me closer, you push me away. I'm tired of this aru. I'm tired of playing your game aru,"

"I'm not playing ga-" I tried to deny what he said but he seemed to get the energy to fight again.

"See! You're doing it again aru!" He accused, "You're not the one confused aru! I am! This is why I love Japan aru! He doesn't send me flowers, kiss me, tells his sister he loves me, and then denies it in my face saying he mixed it up with pity aru! He doesn't play selfish games with me!"

"Yao I-" I tried to say again. The look on his face silenced me.

He opened his mouth. He spoke softly, whispering something at the same time a crash of thunder lit the sky with lightening. I didn't hear. He then picked up the panda bear from the patch of clean grass, shoving it against my chest.

"I don't want it anymore aru. Japan got mad at me because of you," I felt numb, not being able to move, though my hands reflexively grasped the bear from falling.

"Yao I-" I spoke mechanically but he turned to the hammering rain, disappearing into the darkness. I stood there numbly.

Feeling seeped into me again after a few moments and I stumbled out of the shelter of thick branches and leaves.

"China da?" I called out to nothing. The drops of water pelted down against me, seeping into the fibers of my scarf, wetting my hair. I tilted my face up, as the drops hit my face, almost hurting.

I blinked, my eyes feeling hot. Emotions caught up with me and I felt something inside my chest throb painfully against my ribs. My breath got caught in my throat which suddenly felt quite dry. I felt suddenly so vulnerable. And torn, like I was breaking into pieces despite the fact I was whole.

It was what I felt like when America left me. But this time it hurt twice as much. A drop of water ran down my left cheek, though warm unlike the others. My eyes seemed to burn. Tears, I realized. I squeezed my eyes together tightly. _Despite how hard I tried to protect myself from you, you're hurting me, da._

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**AN: I felt I had a little more fun being evil to Russia in this chapter than I should have. =3=|||| Anyways, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think! I love all of your reviews! **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews! They are most appreciated =3**

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**China's POV**

_It's not fair aru. _

The raining let up into a soft pattering. It methodically hit my head, giving me a headache and my teeth chattered as I walked on. My feet were sore, and I felt like a drowned cat. I lied, told some things that would have been better off unsaid and unrealized, probably broke his heart, and I gave up the panda bear just to prove a point. I hugged myself tightly, staring at the ground in front of me. _All in all_, I thought, _I feel like shit aru_.

I was in a foul mood.

_It's not fair aru. _

_It's really not fair aru. _

My home came to view, most of its windows glowing with light from the inside. I sighed. Nothing sounded better than a cup of hot tea, wrapped up in a dozen blankets, sitting in from of the fireplace with the heater on, and pretending this night never happened. Thunder growled lowly. I glared up at the dreary night sky. It was probably going to rain some more. I trudged up the steps, bringing a limp hand up to knock on the door.

Vietnam opened the door looking at me curiously before recognition flickered across her face. She looked relieved and startled by my appearance at the same time.

"It's China you guys," She announced. I walked inside, thankful for the heating system as she shut the door, blocking the bitter cold.

"Aniki we were so worried!" Korea stepped out into the hallway before giving me a once over. Belarus looked at me with surprise.

"Hey!— Gege," Taiwan said awkwardly behind him.

"I look like crap aru, I feel like crap aru, I know," I dismissed. Hong Kong brought me a towel. I accepted it graciously, drying my hair. A warm bath didn't sound that bad. My eyes drooped slightly. My large soft bed didn't sound half bad either.

"What time is it aru?" I asked Thailand.

"Almost eleven ana," He answered. Japan rushed down the steps, rocking on his heels at the sight of me.

"Yao-nii, you're home!" He exclaimed relieved. Greece was at his heels, coming down a little more slowly.

"Someone make a cup of tea aru," I pushed passed Japan, "And reheat whatever you made for dinner," I added as my stomach gnawed emptily. "And some dry clothes would be nice aru," I muttered, trudging up the steps slowly, "And a couple aspirins too," I finished, rubbing my temples.

"Got it!" Vietnam said brightly before ushering me into the bathroom in my room, shutting the door close. Wait, _I thought I was at the stairs-_

Nevermind. I filled my bath to the brim with steaming water, shedding my soaking muddy clothes one by one. I stepped in, sighing softly. I felt my blood circulating through my body again. I allowed myself to steam for a good half hour before getting out reluctantly. Someone had laid out clothes for me on my bed and two painkillers with a tall glass of water on the dresser table. I downed the painkillers and wore my clothes before walking down to the dining table.

"Thanks aru," I smiled tiredly, drinking tea as it warmed me even further. Hong Kong set down a bowl of what I assumed some sort of stew. Everyone sat around me watching me eat.

"I made it just now ana," Thailand said, "There's more if you want seconds,"

"Who would expect it to pour buckets?" Vietnam wondered.

"Right? I was with Belarus, Japan and Greece, we got out of there pretty fast," Taiwan noted.

"I caught up with them after I saw Nii-san leaving," Belarus added to me.

"I was looking for you guys aru," I sighed, taking a spoonful of stew to my mouth and swallowed, "It was a mess, I didn't find you, so I took cover under a tree hoping the rain would let up soon aru," I began. I skipped the minor details.

"And out of all the odds, Russia was taking shelter under that tree too aru," Everyone stilled, "And we talked," I swallowed, "A-and I was just awful to him aru," My throat closed up as I stared into the bowl, stirring the contents, not feeling very hungry anymore.

I quickly recapped what I said to him, leaving out the little personal details, and ending it when I returned the panda bear and walked out into the storm and home since I couldn't find a taxi anywhere.

"How could I say those things aru?" I accused myself aloud, "I'm worse that America…" I drew in a shaky breath, my vision getting a little bleary.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that hurt Nii-san. It was uncalled for China," Belarus said critically, but in a calm tone.

I winced, "I know…I just felt angry all of a sudden…it's not fair aru,"

"Understandable," Belarus agreed, "I don't blame you."

"I think it helped actually," Vietnam added, "You made a point,"

Japan nodded "And it's the truth right? The truth-"

There was a knock on the door. Everyone stopped talking at once, thinking the same thing. Who would knock at this hour? But since no one volunteered to open the door, I wordlessly got up.

"Hello China da," Russia said dully not meeting my eyes. There wasn't even masked pleasantness in his voice, he didn't bother to even try. _That's how much I hurt him aru…_

"Hello Russia aru," I replied, not meeting his eyes, but looked at the soaked panda bear in his arms. _Poor thing aru…_

"I came to return this," He held it up.

"I don't want it aru," I replied wistfully.

The rain had practically let up by now, but the sky seemed dark and brooding. Water dripped from his hair and clothes, creating a small puddle on the front porch. He drew in a ragged breath, before saying, "It's yours, da," I shook my head firmly. He looked up at me, meeting my eyes, and my heart wrenched at his expression.

"Come inside aru," Was all I managed to say. Part of me felt like sobbing out loud, wailing my apology, throwing my arms around him from looking at his eyes. Part of me wanted to shove him right back out and slam the door on him, and tell him to see how it feels. He shook his head in refusal, placing the panda outside, next to the door. He never refused coming in. Ever.

"No thank you da," He said quietly.

"N-nonsense, you're soaking wet aru!" I tried to say earnestly. He raised a hand to wave in goodbye, about to turn and leave.

"R-Russia aru," I thought wildly, "If you don't come inside I-I'll…I'll never talk to you again!" I tried to sound as threatening as possible.

He stopped, "I was under the impression you didn't _want_ to talk to me da," He said quietly, frowning at his gloved hands.

"Of course not! Who wouldn't want to talk to you aru?" I said, trying to sound pleasant, not liking the way this was heading. But my voice sounded off-pitched, like it was obvious I was trying to pretend that we were on good terms and what happened an hour or two never occurred.

"Everyone da," He answered curtly. I winced.

"Come inside aru," I coaxed again, "You can't go home in this weather, soaking wet aru,"

"I don't want you to go around doing things out of _pity_, da," He replied in a sober, hard voice. That stung. Then the part of me that wanted to slam the door on his face flared up.

"I didn't want you to either back then, but you did, so think of this as me returning the favor, aru," I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms, "Now come inside aru," I challenged through clenched teeth.

Ivan met my eyes for a fleeting second, and didn't reply to me, surprised and pained by my easy retort.

"You're such a hopeless fool aru," I sighed, uncrossing my arms before grabbing his hand, dragging him inside. Belarus was gone, and Hong Kong and Korea were in the living room, watching the television on mute but reading subtitles. Japan was at the bottom stairs.

"I-I decided to let him stay over aru…since there's a storm and he might catch a cold aru," I pretended to explain. Japan nodded.

"I'm going to bed Yao-nii," He lied casually.

"You should too aru, you must be exhausted," Japan nodded, taking a step closer to me but faltered, as if he would be embarrassed by showing affection in front of Russia. Then he awkwardly wrapped his arms around my torso. I resisted the urge to laugh, like I always did, and half-heartedly hugged him back.

"I bet Belarus put you up to doing this aru?" I whispered so Russia wouldn't hear. Japan nodded grimly.

"Yes, goodnight," He pulled back and bowed slightly before leaving.

"Goodnight aru," I smiled. I felt Russia stiffen next to me, the sound of his fists clenching underneath his leather gloves. "Your scarf's wet," I noted.

He wordlessly unwrapped his scarf and handed it to me, along with his gray leather-like material coat, and black leather gloves. He wore black turtle neck sweater that hugged his skin and loose black trousers, contrasting his pale skin and fair hair. It was strange seeing him without a coat or scarf despite the fact I had seen him like this before. He tilted his head to the side, his wet bangs falling in an attractive way. He peered at me with those violet eyes curiously when he noticed I was staring at him. There was a word to describe how he looked_. _

_Sexy aru._

I felt my face grow hot. _Really aru, out of all the times to gawk at him you choose now…_

I let him stand in the hallway and hurriedly tossed the coat and pink scarf into the dryer before I led him to the kitchen, where I reheated the stew and made more tea. He looked around curiously at the new interior.

"It's different," He murmured to himself.

"My siblings thought it would settle an argument if they blew up my old kitchen aru," I explained, "Which they did a good job of doing too aru," I sighed. He nodded as if this wasn't unusual. He sat on the stool, resting his elbows against the kitchen island. I gave him a bowl of stew and a cup of tea, before sitting on another stool across from him. He silently started eating. Water dripped from his hair onto the counter.

"Oh!" I forgot his hair was still wet. I quickly leapt to my feet and fetched a new towel. Russia was still eating silently, looking hungrier than he allowed showing. He saw me with the towel but said nothing as I walked around him. I placed the towel on his hair, and rubbed gently. His back stiffened but he didn't say anything and continued eating as I dried his hair. I pressed myself closer than necessary, though it was purely unintentional. I dried his hair, drawing in a deep breath. He smelled of vodka and ice as usual, but the scent of vodka was stronger than usual. I grimaced.

"You take care of people well da," He observed as I sat down across him from the island.

"Thanks aru," I smiled.

"Japan is lucky to have you da," He added in a softer voice. I didn't respond.

"Listen Russia, I need to tell you something aru," I began.

"Da?" He waited.

"I was really rude to you and I want to apologize aru," I said sincerely. He looked up at me in surprise, "I'm really sorry. What I said was very mean and uncalled for-"

" And very true da," He finished flatly. I bit my lip. He looked hurt.

"But I still hurt you-"

"Whatever," He cut me off, standing up, abandoning his half-finished stew and tea. He muttered something else, sounding like 'You're not the first one'.

_-"Yep, America was trying to apologize and Russia like 'whatever,' and totally left him standing there!"-_

I felt an awful pit in my stomach as I remembered what Poland told me earlier tonight.

"Sit down aru," I commanded, but it sounded feeble. He seemed to fight himself, but sank back down, "I _am_ sorry about what I said tonight and how rudely I said it because it hurt you aru,"

"Why? It's not your fault da," He mumbled.

"So you're not going to forgive me aru?" I asked.

"You didn't even do anything wrong that would need my forgiveness da," He broke into a small humorless smile. I didn't reply, frowning at the island's table top.

"But if it makes you feel better, I accept," He shrugged, but it seemed to put him in a better mood. My chest felt lighter and I smiled. He finished his food and set down his spoon.

"I guess we have to make sleeping arrangements again aru," I stated.

"If that's all right," Russia said before finishing his tea. I led him upstairs after washing the few dishes, and fixed my bed for him. I felt a slight sense of déjà vu. I looked over at him, seeing him bite his lip, contemplating something.

"Do you sleep with Japan da?" He burst out as I fixed the pillows. I froze, the pillow slipping from my hands, and my face grew hot.

"Wh-what aru?!" I asked, "Th-that's a personal matter aru!"

"Sorry," His cheeks tinted pink, and he turned to stare at the painting of sunflowers. _But it's nice knowing you care about whether or not I 'am' aru… _I hid my pleased smile.

"I really like that painting da," He said softly and walked up to it, running his pale gloveless fingers over it.

_-"So, what are you doing again?" England rolled his eyes, sitting on my bed. We had started hanging out more often; ever since we realized Russia and America…I bit my lip, staring at the broad empty canvas. _

"_Painting aru," I clarified. It was nice to have company of someone who understood. In front of other people, we took care of hiding emotions but when it was just the two of us…_

_I glanced at him. His eyes were glazed with unhidden pain, his brows pushed together in a miserable frown, the corners of his lips turned down slightly. _

…_It was okay to not hide pain when it was just us. When we saw Russia and America, we silently understood each other. _

_What a strange friendship. _

"_What?" He asked. I pressed my lips together, thinking. America had gotten a huge bouquet of sunflowers for Russia today. He gave to him in the beginning of the Allies meeting yesterday. The way Russia's eyes lit up aru…. _

"_Sunflowers aru. Russia loves sunflowers," I replied softly, and started to pick up the paint brush. Each stroke I placed with care, with love. The empty canvas slowly turned into a painting of bright colors and warmth.-_

"I guess it's okay, it sorta gives me a headache nowadays aru," I lied to him, trying to sound nonchalant. He looked at me with disappointment, because even though it was never said directly, he knew I painted it for him. He didn't reply, sitting on the bed.

"Goodnight aru," I told him, about to leave the room.

"Where will you sleep then da?" He asked, looking surprised. I thought wildly.

"That is for me to know and you to _not_ wonder about aru," I explained vaguely before shutting the door. I walked down the dark hall, checking on everyone who was inside their rooms. Taiwan was on her laptop with her earphones on, Vietnam was signing some official documents, Thailand something similar, Korea was arguing with Hong Kong over who got the remote, silently hissing a one-sided argument that television originated in Korea.

Japan was drawing manga in his with Greece on his bed, reading a popular manga book, which I even cared to read a few times. I looked over Japan's shoulder, careful not to disturb him. He didn't even seem to notice me.

"It looks great aru," I spoke softly, but I still startled him.

"It's amazing talent," Greece added, flipping another page of a manga with slow deliberation.

"Thank you," Japan murmured, blushing.

"So is Russia still here?" Greece confirmed. I nodded.

"Where's Bela aru?" I asked.

"Bela-chan thought it would be best if she left. Too suspicious,"

"Bela…-chan aru?" I grinned, noticing the changed suffix.

"She's actually really nice underneath all her…creepiness," Japan explained trying not to sound rude.

"She _is_ Russia's little sister aru," I nodded seriously.

"Oh sure, label my whole family," A mockingly hurt voice said near the window. We jumped. Belarus sniffed, her arms crossed. There were a few small leaves caught in her hair.

"I thought you left, B-Belarus-san" Japan said, surprised.

"For a little walk, since the rain stopped" She explained, "And am I suddenly not worthy of being called, what was it, 'Bela-chan' anymore?" She feigned hurt again.

"Of course not Bela-chan!" Japan said hastily.

"Stop picking on my little brother aru," I rolled my eyes.

"Speaking of brothers, where is Nii-san?" She asked.

"In my room aru. I lent him my bed," I replied.

"So where will you sleep Yao-nii?" Japan asked.

"Well I can go home you can have the guest room," Belarus said.

"You can't leave at this time of night aru!" I protested, "I'll sleep on the sofa aru," I decided.

"But won't that be uncomfortable?" Japan asked with concern.

"I'll be fine aru," It took a little more convincing but they resigned.

"I guess I'll come in the morning to 'find out where my Nii-san is'" She said about to leave out the door, "Oh and follow the plan, I'm turning in," I followed her out before turning around.

"Goodnight aru," I grinned deviously. Belarus went into the Manga Room and shut the door.

I was about to head downstairs but realized that I would need to take a pillow, since the decoration ones on the sofas wouldn't suffice.

Before entering I took a peek into my bedroom. Russia was on my bed, breathing evenly. Asleep. I carefully took an extra pillow from under him, holding my breath. He didn't wake. I set the pillow aside and I sat down carefully, smiling a bit nostalgically at his sleeping features. I gently laced my fingers through his hand, bringing it up to my cheek. I was surprised to feel a tear trickled down my cheek and I let go of his hand, letting it drop softly. He stirred slightly and I stood up, looking down at his features one more time.

I let my fingertips lightly brush against his cheek, and bent down and kissed his forehead quickly, letting my lips linger a bit on his forehead. I inhaled the overpowering stench of vodka but ignored it and drew back. The rain started pattering against my window. Lightning flashed dimly. The next storm was here.

* * *

**A/N: Wussia sho smecksi aru~  
**

***cough* Anyways, thanks for reading and please review!  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I was debating whether or not I should turn this into two separate chapters but decided not to, since I took a really long time to update. But things in life came up again, I apologize.**

* * *

"Yao-nii," I was shaken awake my Japan, "Yao-nii get up,"

"Morning aru," I muttered, my voice sounded slightly nasally. I opened my eyes groggily, rubbing the sleep from my gritty eyes.

"You must've caught a cold," He noted, helping me up.

"This sucks aru," I sniffed, standing up.

"I'll get breakfast started," He said, before heading to the kitchen.

I used the hall bathroom to wash my face and went to the kitchen where Japan was already done making tea.

"My head hurts aru," I complained just as Thailand rushed past me into the kitchen. He wore a suit and was tightening his tie, a briefcase swinging wildly.

"Another meeting aru?" I raised an eyebrow. He nodded, pushing up his glasses.

"I'll be back late ana," He grabbed an apple before leaving.

"Have a good day," Japan called and added a spoonful of honey to my tea before giving it to me.

"If only Korea was a little more like you," I said wistfully, "Such an obedient younger brother aru," Japan shook his head, and laughed quietly. "Greece must be so proud to have you aru," I continued in my nasally voice. I took a sip of hot tea, burning my tongue slightly, but it did help clear my throat a little.

"He told me to meet him again later in the morning," He blushed. I laughed before coughing.

"Is he still upstairs aru?"

"I think he's coming down right now," Japan said, tilting his head upward from the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Are you going on another date with him?" Belarus peaked into the kitchen. Greece walked in behind her, his pace a lot slower.

"I-It's n-not exactly a date…" Japan's cheeks tinted pink.

"You should go on a date with him," She agreed.

"Again?" Greece asked, pulling his eyebrows together.

"What do you mean 'again'? Are you tired of Japan already?" Belarus teased.

"Why would I be tired of him?" Greece asked calmly.

"Then why did you complain about going on a date with him?" Belarus's voice was slightly getting tinged with annoyance.

"With who?" Greece asked in confusion. I glanced over at Japan who had a small fond smile on his face. I leaned over to him.

"Do you have any idea what's going on aru?" I said in an undercurrent to Belarus's and Greece's argument.

"With Japan! Who else?" Belarus snapped.

"Me and Japan?"

"Who did you think I was talking about?" Belarus asked.

"_Oh_, I thought you meant China and Japan," Greece said. Belarus sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Greece is a slow person sometimes," Japan smiled.

"Thailand you bastard, can't even wake me up!" Vietnam cried out angrily, running down the stairs like Thailand did. She too, was wearing professional clothing and her hair was in a loose bun. She opened the fridge and took out jelly and smeared it on a piece of bread, eating it quickly. She downed a glass of water and glanced up at the clock. "Late," She murmured to herself.

"What time will you be back again aru?" I coughed again.

"Not sure, I'll try to be fast," Vietnam smiled and gave everyone a small wave, and left.

"I should get going now," Greece murmured, walking over to Japan. Japan nodded once as Greece lightly brushed a hand over his forearm before leaving.

"Take some medicine China, you sound sick," Belarus appraised.

"No need to aru. It'll pass aru," I waved off.

"Fine, I guess I'll see you in a while when I 'come to pick up Nii-san'," Belarus said, and her and Greece left. The door shut behind them quietly, leaving only me and Japan.

"Am I really that sick just because I stood out in a little rain aru?" I complained to Japan.

"The weather report said that the storm cleared up an hour ago this morning," He noted and felt my forehead.

"No, your temperature feels fine Yao-nii," He said just as Russia walked in.

Japan flinched and pulled his hand away from my forehead. Russia's fists were clenched, but his expression was calm as he looked at the both of us. Japan looked at Russia in surprised, since he was bare of his usual scarf and coat.

"Japan, can you take Russia's coat and scarf from the dryers aru?" I asked him calmly, "And wake up the others too," He nodded and left, leaving Russia and me alone.

"Hungry aru?" I asked him, pouring him a cup of tea which he declined. I stood there awkwardly and took a sip of tea.

"Are you sick da?" He asked curiously.

"No just a little cold, it'll go away by the afternoon aru," I reassured. "It's not like I'm immune to cold like you," I added. Japan returned with the scarf and coat. Russia barely wrapped his scarf around his neck snuggly when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Taiwan walked down the steps, yawning.

"Is my Nii-san here?" Belarus demanded with the right amount of cold detachment.

"Um, Gege?" She called me confused by what was going on. We hadn't filled her in. I beckoned Russia to the door.

"Nii-san!" Belarus looked extremely relieved, "I thought something happened to you! I've been looking everywhere. Come," She grabbed Russia's hand.

"Bye aru," I said softly pushing him out the door gently. He turned to me and flicked a glance at Japan warily then back at me.

"Bye Yao," He said and followed Belarus out the door. Taiwan shut the door again, but looked more awake.

"It'll be okay Gege," She hugged me before heading towards the kitchen for something to eat.

I stood in the doorway, not yet turning around to leave. I frowned, wondering if I was forgetting something. I reopened the front door and peered around. Nothing. It was probably just nothing. I was just about to close the door when I found the panda bear leaning next to the doorframe. I picked it up, holding it sympathetically. It was muddy and wet, it's soft faux fur hanging limp.

"You need a bath aru," I said softly, before taking it upstairs.

* * *

**Russia's POV**

We entered the living room in silence. Belarus went over to the mantel and fingered a Mataryoshka doll carefully. She hadn't spoken a word since we left China's home together.

"So?" She asked me. She took the doll in her hand and for a second I thought she was going to fling it at me like she did the last time China was here.

"China forgot something at the carnival, I went to return it da, he told me to stay over the night until the weather cleared," I said simply, sinking into the couch.

"What was it?" She demanded.

"A bear Japan won for him da," I fibbed.

"You can't lie to me Nii-san," The corners of her lips turned up into a twisted smile, "_You_ won it for him,"

"So I did," I said briskly, "I just went to return it da,"

"In the middle of the night, during a thunderstorm, to return something trivial as a teddy bear that could've waited until morning?" She recited slowly, and smirked. I sighed. Suddenly everything I said, everything I did, needed a specific reason.

"China really liked these dolls when he last came," She noted nonchalantly, mostly to herself, "Anyways, speaking of the last time he came," She said louder placing the doll back, "You already know what I'm about to say but I'll say it anyways. Maybe you should rethink that maybe you lov-" I shot up to my feet, feeling anger spark in me.

"I get it da," I snarled, "And even _if_ I did, it wouldn't matter would it? China found Japan da. He threw me away, kolkol"

"Correction," Belarus grinned spitefully, "_You_ threw _him_ away and now you're _jealous_," And then she turned and left before I could respond. I clenched my jaw and shook my head furiously in denial.

"I don't love him da," I seethed out loud to the dolls. They stared back with those rosy expressions, smiling at me. Mocking me. I strode to the mantel piece, glaring at the dolls, "I am going to crush every single one of you in this house, da," I snarled.

They continued staring with their cute rosy expressions. Suddenly I cocked my head to the side, considering the doll. I could imagine China's eyes light up as he would pick up a doll so gingerly like a new born child. He would love these. I placed the doll back on the mantel piece and took a step back, looking for the biggest, and most intricately designed one.

I then quickly searched the house for an empty gift box and tissue paper to cushion the doll in. I smiled to myself as I wrapped the gift.

"A-Are you going somewhere?" Latvia asked faintly, eyeing the gift.

"Ah, for a walk da," I smiled tightly and opened the front door. Late morning air greeted me and I took off the China's house again.

**China's POV**

The house was relatively empty with only Hong Kong. Taiwan went out to do some shopping and Korea claimed he needed to get out of the house too. Japan went out with Greece. My cold was relatively gone and I decided to get started on lunch, knowing that everyone would be ravenous when they came back.

I was just about to finish stir frying vegetables when there was a knock on the door.

"In a minute aru!" I called. _It's probably Korea, waiting to play a prank. Or maybe Taiwan did so much shopping she couldn't get out the keys because her hands were filled with bags. Or Vietnam forgetting her keys. She always does that aru…_There was another impatient knock. I growled impatiently and turned off the heat and stomped to the door.

"What is it aru?! Can't wait one damn minute—Oh it's you aru," I said in startled surprise. I found myself blushing despite the fact he was here a few short hours before. Russia stood in the door way, smiling down at me with a pleasant expression. I nervously smoothed my hair and wiped my hands with the kitchen towel I was holding. But then I realized how foolishly I was behaving and of the plan.

"Hello China," He smiled.

"Well what is it aru?" I asked tersely, "Did you forget something aru?"

"For you da," He handed me a box. I raised my eyebrows, wondering if it was from Belarus. I lifted the cover, peering into the box. A doll laid there, the ones I found decorated throughout Russia's home. It looked breath taking and adorable. A priceless addition to my collection. I tried not to stop the smile come to my lips.

"Who is it from aru?" I murmured, letting my fingertips lightly trace the doll's painted features; the delicate facial features, the floral clothing pattern.

"From me, da," He beamed. I blinked, feeling all the content feeling washing away.

"From you aru?" I asked, placing the cover on the box neatly, "How come?"

He shrugged, "Just because,"

"So you are giving me a priceless doll, 'just because', aru?" I raised an eyebrow, speaking in a slow voice. He looked uncomfortably at his feet.

"Well, nations give each other things all the time, da," He mumbled.

"Really aru?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Da," He bit his lip, trying to figure out where this was going. I sighed.

"Listen Russia aru," I started, "You can't gift other nations expensive, beautifully hand painted dolls _just because_ aru," I stressed. I frowned at him, "And I hope this isn't more pity from you either aru,"

"No, it's not that. It's a gift," He said quietly, averting his eyes, "Fellow nations give each other things all the time,"

"Yea aru," I said dryly, "Without any compromise, war, or contract you can't give fellow nations that much. Maybe finding ice cream in an empty crate, or lending a pen you don't really expect back aru. Not something so expensive aru," I gave him a hard stare. He didn't meet my eyes but glared at the floor.

"I can't accept this," I pushed it into his chest. He caught it and looked up at me.

"Why not?" He asked bewildered. I crossed my arms.

"Because Japan will get angry if he finds out I accepted another gift from you, I can't do that to him," I gazed into his violet eyes.

"You don't have to tell him da," He replied evenly.

"Does it look like I'm waiting to break his trust aru?" I asked sharply. He didn't reply.

I took in a deep breath, "You need to get something straight aru. If _we_," I motioned the both of us, "Are going to treat each other just as fellow nations aru, then you can't treat me like something _more_," I huffed.

"Something more da…?" He repeated.

"Yes aru," I nodded.

"Like what?" He asked. I laughed once.

"That is for _you_ to answer aru. In the mean time, I refuse to accept you gift simply _just because_," I shut the door on him firmly. I leaned against the door and sighed heavily, placing a hand on my forehead.

I quickly darting upstairs to my room to see if Russia left or not. He was walking away, one hand holding the box, the other clenched tightly and disappeared into the forest. I leaned against the window pane, staring out the window, suddenly feeling very tired. How did he even know I took interest in the dolls? Only Belarus had seen me eye them.

I willed myself to go back into the kitchen and finish lunch. My family slowly started arriving, all but Thailand who said he was going to be late.

"Smells good Aniki," Korea grinned, helping himself.

"Is something wrong?" Vietnam asked me concerned. I shook my head.

"So how was your date with Greece, Japan?" Taiwan nudged Japan who shrank down into his seat. Hong Kong smirked.

"Yea, how was your morning date?" Belarus leaned against the door frame and then sat herself down. No one was surprised anymore by her untimely, uninvited arrivals anymore.

"Stop teasing my brother aru," I warned, "I'm sure they had a lovely time going lovey dovey things that couples do," I grinned. Japan blushed even harder.

"Oh you're the one to talk," Belarus bantered.

"Your brother came today aru,"

"Russia?" Korea asked, his mouth full of rice. I didn't bother telling him to not talk with his mouth full.

"Yea aru,"

I quickly explained what happened and paused for a moment but then said slowly, "You didn't set that up, did you Belarus aru? You didn't by chance tell him about me eyeing the dolls when I went to your home?" I asked. She froze, "Jeez, Belarus, there is a limit to it you know that aru! Why do you always arrange Russia into these things aru?!"

"For your information," She said deadly quiet, "I had no idea. That was Russia acting on his own accord. I only mentioned it to bring you up into the conversation," She said flatly.

"It's okay Gege. We know you're upset. Just a little bit more, then everything will work out," Taiwan soothed. A few tense minutes passed.

"And either way, I thought Russia already knew you had a soft spot for these sorta things?" She said tersely.

"Sorry aru," I muttered.

"Whatever, I know it hurts you to behave like this with him but it'll end…soon. I can feel it," Belarus bit her lip, "I know Nii-san,"

By late afternoon I decided I needed some time alone and went for a short weather was brisk and an occasional chilling breeze passed. To think a few days ago such a violent storm had passed. The sky was cloudy and sunlight barely filtered through the trees as I made my way to my favorite stream. I slipped off my shoes and splashed my feet in the cold water. I stared at the gently current breathing out a huge sigh.

Images of Russia flickered through my mind. During the day of the festival, at the meeting looking jealously at Japan, at the café leaving abruptly, winning the panda bear for me, our argument in the rain, his devastated expression…I sucked in a ragged breath, my eyes stung.

There was small rustling sound behind some bushes. I turned around, frowning, but looked up startled to see Russia. His violet eyes met mine and he looked equally surprised to see me. I quickly wiped my eyes.

"China! I was just on my way to see you da," His eyes sparkled.

"How come aru?" I asked. I looked at him warily. The box was still in his hands. _Well_.

I patted down a spot next to me. He walked over, pausing. I tugged on his coat, "Take off your boots, the water feels great aru," He took off his boots cautiously and sat down next to me. I slid off my rubber band and shook out my hair.

"Your cold seems to be gone da," He said quietly. I flicked a pebble into the water and it plopped into the stream.

"Yup. Maybe soaking my feet in cold stream water wasn't the best idea aru," I laughed. He cracked a smile. I studied his expression from the corner of my eyes. He looked tired, with dark circles under his violet eyes, his features more angular from not eating properly. I looked away.

"Is Russian food good aru?" I asked offhandedly. He looked surprised by the unexpected topic.

"Da, I guess so" He said thoughtfully, "Why do you ask China?"

"N-no reason aru. You just look..." I looked up at the passing clouds, "A little slimmer aru,"

He didn't reply immediately. I flicked a glance at him. He stared at the water emotionlessly, his eyes guarded, "Really da?" He asked casually after a while, "Do I look bad?" He asked, but I wasn't sure if he was serious or joking.

"No, you look good aru—wait no you don't—I mean—NEVER MIND ARU!" I cried out in exasperation, blushing. _I guess I walked into that one aru…_

Russia giggled, and I looked up, smiling. I loved his laugh.

"So I got an answer to us da," Russia said suddenly, his eyes sparkling again, "You know, when you said something more than just nations? Something more da?"

I felt all emotion leave at once and then his words hit me. First surprised, _the answe_r? Then excitement and relief, _Finally, Belarus said soon aru, but I had no idea THIS soon!_ I felt light-headed. T_he answer!_ My heart pound against my chest.

I gave him a silly smile, "What is your answer aru?" I asked hopefully. He caught my sudden change in emotion and grinned as he presented the wrapped box.

"I'm giving this to you as a friend da," He grinned, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh Russia-" Then it hit me. I felt all color drain my face and my insides felt hallow. The word seemed to echo in my mind, haunting me into an ended spiral of doom. _Friends, friends, friends…_

_Was there a minute with Russia that drama didn't erupt anymore aru? _I wailed in my mind.

"Friends," I repeated. He nodded eagerly. I pressed my lips into a tight line and looked at him apprehensively. He meant it. Because in this exact area a few months ago he told me he didn't pretend with such matters.

But a few months ago I would be fine with it—longed for it even—just to have him acknowledge me as that, a friend. But now, that didn't seem like enough, even if it was genuine.

"So, here da," He nudged it towards me. My eyes stung and tears burned my vision as I glared at my lap not being able to describe how I felt into words_. What was wrong with me wanting to be his lover aru? Am I not good enough? It's not fair aru…_

"I don't want to be your friend aru," I replied, my voice sounded hollow. I lifted my feet from the stream and waited for the sun to dry them. He followed suit.

"Why not da?" He asked. I bit my lip, trying not to overreact.

"B-because," I said shakily, "You don't pretend with such matters aru,"

He placed a gentle hand over mine. I flinched at the unexpected touch, and was surprised to see his face a few inched from mine, "I'm not," He breathed. I blinked. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest.

"I still don't want to be your friend aru," I said, trembling and pulled my hand out from under his. I got up, put on my slippers, despite my wet feet, and faced away from Russia. Tears started falling down my face. _Not in front of him aru. _I tried to rub them out. I heard him get up as well and hastily put on his boots. I started walked away. He gripped my upper arm before I could leave. I gritted my teeth.

"Why not kolkol?" He demanded again, this time a bit more darkly. His vice like grip wouldn't loosen slack.

_It's not fair aru. _

"Because," I snarled darkly, almost sounding like him and Belarus, "That's not enough anymore aru," I viciously yanked free. I started running and risked a quick glimpse back. He didn't follow, but looked stunned, his gloved hand holding nothing but air.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all so much for all of your wonderful reviews! I can't believe I would get so much love and support from all my dear readers. *hands out free imaginary cookies* **

**Btw, how many Greeks would it take to change a light bulb?**


	20. Chapter 20

**China's POV**

"Hey China, you're still up ana!" Thailand said, walking into the living room. I looked up from the television. He looked exhausted.

"Couldn't sleep aru," I sighed, turning off the TV I wasn't really paying attention to. I unfolded my legs from my chest.

"Well, I'm exhausted ana," He grinned and half- yawned as he heading up the steps, "I'm going straight to sleep. Goodnight,"

"Goodnight aru," I muttered.

I wanted sleep, to fall into the depths of unconsciousness but I felt restless. My mind felt clouded with thoughts.

_Maybe some fresh air would help aru. _I opened the front door silently, greeting the cold misty air and dim moonlit night. I shivered, standing alone for a few minutes.

A shadow appeared as it walked around the outskirts of the forest. At first I thought it was Belarus, but the light pink scarf caught my eye. Russia. For some reason I expected his arrival. These sporadic and untimely arrivals didn't seem out of the ordinary anymore_. Actually, none of the things Russia and Belarus did seemed unnatural anymore aru_, I thought humorously.

He stopped walking, seeing me on the porch. We stood in silence, me on the front porch, him on the outskirts of the forest; both of us probably wondering the same thing. I sighed, before raising a hand and motioned him to come closer.

"China," He greeted, "You're still awake da," He noted.

"Yea, I couldn't sleep aru," I bit my lip, unsure of what to say, "Why are you here aru?"

He looked puzzled, as if this question too, confused him. _Idiot…_I thought, smiling.

"I'm assuming you're just wandering the night aru?" I asked.

"A midnight walk da," He shrugged. _How…_I looked for the right word to explain his behavior._ Russia of him aru…_We stood there in silence for a while, again.

"Why don't you come in for a cup of tea?" I asked finally, motioning towards inside. He seemed hesitant, but came out from the shadows and walked up the front steps as I led him inside.

I moved around the kitchen silently, not wanting to wake my family. I hadn't told them about how I met Russia in the stream. They didn't need to know. I presented him with a cup of tea and sat across from him on my stool.

"France dropped by, we have an Allies meeting tomorrow da," Russia said, taking out a letter, "I thought that I would just drop it off at your door but you were awake so…" He trailed off.

"Okay," I blew the steam from my tea and took a sip, "Hungry aru?" I asked him. He shook his head, placing the letter on the countertop.

"Where is your family da?" He asked.

"Asleep aru," I answered back.

"All of them?" He asked. I frowned, perplexed, but nodded. He looked away as is thinking and then asked softly, "Is everything okay China?"

_No. _

I swallowed, "Yes aru, why do you ask?" I gave an unconvincing reassuring smile.

"Japan is keeping you happy da?" _Oh._

"Of course aru," I replied reflexively.

"Do you think," He asked hesitantly, "Th-that maybe I could've…we… you….h-hap…" He trailed off, struggling to find words

"What aru?" I asked. I bit back a knowing smile.

"Nothing,"I felt my throat tighten as I saw his cheeks flush pink. He took a sip of tea, looking at me through his lashes and his blush deepened. _Kawaii aru~_

"My turn to ask something aru," I said, "_Is_ everything okay Russia?" He blinked, but then nodded slowly.

"Liar," I whispered, wondering if he heard. He blinked again, though looking more vulnerable. I cleared my throat and spoke a little more loudly, "Sometimes when I look at you aru, you know what I see?" I asked casually, before taking a sip of tea.

"What da?" He asked softly.

"I see that child I saw many winters ago. Lost. Hurt. Fearful. Lonely…" He stiffened, looking at me with a guarded expression. I knew I stuck a cord. Then his expression smoothed into nonchalance.

"Really da," He shrugged off smoothly, feigning his cheerful voice, "You sometimes speak in such riddles!" He smiled but with a light frown.

I shrugged, "The child is still there, I can see him aru, whenever I look into your eyes,"

Just as the words left me I met eyes with Russia's. And it hit me again. My throat closed tight with emotion.

Why I fell in love with him in the first place. We locked our eyes together, violet with amber. _Give that child what it needs aru… _I wanted to add but the intensity of his gaze kept me silent.

Footsteps sounded down the stairs, "Hey China, I changed my mind, I actually am starving ana," Thailand walked into the dimly lit kitchen, surprised to see Russia, " What was for din-Oh…um, hi Russia," He said feebly. Russia broke our gaze and stood up.

"I'll see you tomorrow, da," He said thickly, his expression unreadable. I nodded and led him out the door before turning back to the kitchen. Russia didn't give a backwards glance as I shut the door behind him.

"What was that all about ana?" He asked curiously. Thailand opened the fridge and took out the leftovers.

"He dropped by to tell me about the Allies meeting I have tomorrow aru," I explained. Thailand smiled in confusion glancing up at the clock, but didn't say anything.

* * *

**China's POV**

I glanced down at my watch. I was late, a good half an hour late, which was usual. It wasn't like we got any work done anyways. Before I could open the door I heard the ruckus going on. I opened the door and saw England attempting to throttle France while America cheered on England. Canada was trying to stop it all and Russia sat, watching the argument commence.

"Ah, I guess it doesn't matter that I'm late then aru. The Western nations are going crazy again and it seems I haven't missed anything out of the ordinary," I announced, grinning.

"Crazy? You think we're crazy?" England growled as France took the opportunity to smack England in the head.

"Well the way you behave, how can anyone not think that?" France smirked as England went to his throat again.

"You're the one to talk you wine-loving bastard!" They resumed their cat fight.

"H-hey, you guys, stop! A-America, help me out," Canada tried earnestly. I narrowly avoided getting elbowed by France and slid into my chair.

"OHOHOHO! Nice hit England! Gogogo!" America slurped his soda cup. I settled down, grinning.

"Oh, impressed by your girlfriend, are you?" France retorted back, chuckling.

"_Girl_friend?! I'll show you who's a girl!" England hissed. Canada quickly got into the middle of them, pushing them away from each other.

"Now that everyone is present, why don't we continue the meeting normally like civilized nations?" Canada asked weakly.

France relaxed by his touch, "Whatever. We were trying to find ways to sneak on the Axis during their training,"

"Don't think this argument is over," England scoffed and straightened his tie. He went to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk.

"It never is, thanks to you," France tucked a lock of his golden hair back and sat down on his seat. England chose to ignore the comment.

"Well, the Axis are training in this part of the forest," England drew a circle around a region of trees, "And we can circle around this way," He drew an arrow.

"AND THEN CATCH THEM BY SURPRISE!" America finished, standing up, flecks of soda hitting everyone. I rolled my eyes, "I'll go in first with England. China and Russia as my backup. Then Canada and France will left with an important task; my backup! We can use team work and finish them off!" He said, fisting the air.

"Team work da?" Russia echoed.

"Idiot," Canada sighed.

"Um…that's a nice plan," England said before pinching America's ear. America whined, rubbing his ear sorely, "But I think it would be better to surround and ambush them,"

France sighed dramatically, "As much as I want to agree, with England I hate him, but I also hate America too, what a predicament!" Canada laughed.

"I'm in favor of England's plan da," Russia smiled. I nodded slowly. The meetings were amusing now that I noticed it_. I use to spend too much time pining and watching Russia aru…_I looked down to hide my sudden blush.

"Okay then," England straightened and jotted down a few more notes. I glanced over at America, who would usually start jabbering away again, but instead he kept silent with a thoughtful expression, as if he was considering England's plan.

"Wow, I think we're actually making progress aru, what did you do to America aru?" I teased England. England grinned at me slyly. America seemed unaffected by my comment.

He shuffled some papers before clearing his throat. "We should split up, Canada; you can take Italy from the front, since he won't be that hard. Germany's very strong but will probably try and defend Italy, China and Russia can take him. Japan on the other hand, is pretty clever, so I'll take him by the front and France'll take him by behind-"

"Excuse me aru!" I said sharply. England stopped, surprised, "What do you mean by letting my boyfriend getting taken by the behind by France aru!" I said with indignity, grinning.

"Oh, fine, I guess _you_ can then- _oh_," England turned brilliant red. France chuckled and Canada started giggling again. I didn't look at Russia's reaction.

"I don't get it!" America protested, pouting.

"Well let me explain it to you!" France laughed before explaining it to him in vulgar detail while England kept trying to shut him up. I sank back in my chair with a satisfied smirk.

Russia looked at the chalk board with slight anger, his fists clenching and unclenching. It reminded me of how England behaved when Russia and America displayed their affection. But in a way it felt nice, knowing this time I held and pulled the strings.

The clock signaled the end of the hour and meeting.

England and America walked out the door with France closely tailing them. Canada shook his head, gave me a wave before following them.

"Oi, China, I forgot to tell you," England said walking back into the room, "Why don't you and I have tea this afternoon? My place?"

"It's been a while aru. Sure," I said. He nodded and went after the other Western Nations.

Seeing as no one was going to wipe the chalkboard other than Russia, who never did, I picked up the dry eraser and started erasing England's diagrams and notes.

"That was funny da, the joke you made" Russia said softly behind me. I whirled around. He looked out the window that overlooked the courtyard. The drastic change of Russia's face over the few days was plain to see. When he was with America his eyes were always bright, a big smile on face, looking so full and happy by false promises and acting on America's part. Now his face looked sunken in, dark circles under his eyes intense around his intoxicated violet eyes. His body seemed gaunter then it once was. I knew no one else probably noticed these changes.

I felt my stomach curl, knowing that Bela's and my plan only added to him forgetting meals, the lack of sleep, the heavy drinking.

I mustered a half-hearted grin and walked over to him. I looked out the window too.

England seemed to have caught up with them and was scolding America who seemed annoyed by it. He then swooped down and quickly kissed England and grinned. England stood there transfixed for a minute as America made a run for it, laughing like kid.

France probably made a vulgar comment as he walked passed England, since England started blushing before chasing after America who was running around the courtyard in a giant childish game of tag. I flicked my expression over to Russia. There was undeniable sadness in his eyes.

"You still miss him don't you aru?" I asked gently.

"Who?" He looked up at me, the sadness suddenly masked. I jerked a thumb out the window. He frowned, considering the question and replied slowly, "No, I don't," He sounded like he meant it, but I knew as long as no one else came to erase the scar America made on him, he would never forget him.

"He was no good for you anyways aru," I replied quietly. Russia shrugged, staring out the window.

"I guess so da," He said softly, absent-mindedly raising a hand letting his fingertips touch the window pane lightly, "It wasn't the fact that he didn't love me or that I l-loved him though,"

"Then aru?" I asked. He seemed hesitant to reply but I gave him a reassuring look.

"The fact he thought I wouldn't feel hurt. Like I didn't have feelings da," He whispered, "That he didn't know I would fall in lo- _fall for it_," He changed the words at the last second.

_Anyone who got to know Russia or at first glance would think of him as heartless, aru_. I cocked my head to the side, studying him.

_No, I didn't see that aru._ I thought decisively. _Just that child…_

I hesitantly placed my hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me with glassy eyes, "Then he is an arrogant bastard aru, for thinking that," I said angrily. "If I could punch him in the gut again I would aru," I added and walked to the doorway.

"You punched him?" He asked curiously, straightening up. He followed me as I walked down the hall.

"Yep. Right in the gut aru," I grinned, motioning a fist ramming into air.

"Why?" He asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Well….I was angry at him aru," I frowned, but then decided to go with the truth, "He couldn't just get his happy ending and not even _bother_ apologizing to you aru," My fists clenched from old anger. He didn't reply, processing the new information. We walked silently for a while and entered the courtyard.

It held bad memories.

"Why would you care if he apologized to me or not?" He asked. I stopped walking, pressing my lips together.

"Because…he took you for granted aru. Played with your emotions. I thought you realized that aru," I frowned. _You're trying to corner me aru._

"So why did you-"

"What are you trying to say aru?"

"I'm saying that it wouldn't matter to you if you didn't care about me da," He said defensively. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

_-" Because, I was his whole world till a few minutes ago...but now I'm not so sure da…" __You're my whole world Russia-san, is that not good enough aru? _

_I looked down at my hands, "You still are to someone aru," I said, making my approach like England and America did. Russia suddenly stood up, angrily, getting the wrong idea._

_"You can stop speaking in riddles China; you can stop with such stupid quotes. It has no meaning to me da," __You're such a hypocrite Russia, are you saying __my__ feelings are nothing aru? __I didn't look at him in the eye. __It's not fair aru.-_

My eyes flashed open as I felt my heart ache dully; I was reopening was right. Time didn't heal them. Not that well at least. _Not so fast aru. I'm fighting dirty._

"You're mixing up _then_ and _now_, Ivan. Because I _did_ care about you _then_ aru," I replied, my heart still throbbing. He looked at me smugly. We sat down on the same stone bench.

"That's the answer you wanted right aru?" Ivan's face showed confusion.

"But I don't _now _aru. Not like I did then," I continued lying.

"How can you be so sure kol kol?" He asked darkly, but with frustration. I grinned humorlessly. Love and heartbreak strengthened me in ways I didn't even know.

"I can say the same to you, Russia aru," I retorted bluntly, "Let me ask you something aru. How can _you_ be so sure _you_ don't aru? Since when did you take such a sudden interest in me and Japan? You wouldn't want to know about me and Japan so much unless you-" I stopped abruptly, letting him finished it in his head.

He shook his head denying the thought.

I laughed bitterly, standing up and facing him, "How come every conversation we have nowadays get steered like this aru?"

"I don't know da," He whispered, his eyes darting around either side of me, not meeting my eyes. I sighed, and lifted his chin up, forcing him to look at me. He met my eyes, surprised by my actions.

"Well then, when you _do_ know aru, tell me okay aru?" I replied gently. I stared at his eyes momentarily before letting go of his chin.

"Why don't you care anymore Yao?" Russia asked, looking at me, his brows pushed up into a soft but desperate frown. It was such a cute pleading look. _The things you do to me aru…_

"Because you said you didn't want me to anymore aru. You hurt me," I admitted. My hands started trembling as I crossed them over my chest.

"B-but I apologized da!" He protested. My eyes began to sting.

"And an apology obviously fixes everything, right aru? I'll forgive you just like that?" I asked sarcastically.

"…" I will forgive you aru. Just if you realize how you really feel about me.

"You need to get something straight aru," I drew in a deep breath, "I loved you, you didn't love me back aru. You hurt me. Now I love Japan and he loves me back aru. And _now_ you want me to care about you aru? _Now_ you want me back?" I asked incredulously.

He shook his head vigorously, denying it, "N-no! I don't care about you! And I _never_ wanted you da! Ever!" He lied. It still stung me.

"Yes, I can _totally_ understand. I mean; it's not like you…" I pretended to think, "…Oh I don't know aru, Start showing a sudden interest in me again and giving me presents? Not acting like you are suddenly jealous of Japan? Or ask why I don't care about you anymore aru, right? Nothing that outrageous! " I laughed dryly.

"…"He looked down, scowling at the floor.

"I mean I can totally understand that you feel nothing for me aru, right?" He didn't look up, "Right aru?" I felt my voice falter. _Crap aru…_

Ivan wasn't answering.

"I have to go, I'll see you later," I blurted out swiftly before leaving the courtyard.

**Russia's POV**

_But I want you to care. Da, I really want you to care, _I thought desperately. My heart beat wildly in my chest and I found it hard to breathe. What was I thinking? Why should I? I shook my head, watching China leave the courtyard. _China is right, I feel nothing for him, da…_

"I don't love you," I said out loud to nothing. My insides twisted uneasily and heart still pounded in apprehension. Leave it to China to make everything I made to collapse like this. At least with America I understood what was going on. Partly. I understood how I felt about what was going on, at least. With China everything seemed so jumbled, so uncertain.

I drew in a deep breathe and added, "I can't love you. Because if I love, you'll hurt me da," I found it easier to breathe and the apprehension subside.

* * *

**A/N: Yao punched Russia too, once upon a World Meeting aru. **

**Oh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU for all of your lovely reviews! \(o3o)/ I love you guys sooo mucha!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Sorry for such a slow update aru.**

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"So where's America aru?" I asked, narrowing my eyes, inspecting the small garden.I was still kind of mad at him all over again due to the conversation I had with Russia.

"Not here, I told him to clear out for this afternoon," He replied, setting down a tray of biscuits and burnt scones. "The scones are handmade, the biscuits are store bought," He said, pouring two cups of tea and sat down on the opposite garden chair from me.

I picked up a scone, examining it, "Good aru,"

"I have confidence in today's scones," England assured.

"I'm sure you do aru," And set it down, taking a biscuit instead, "It's been a while, hasn't it?" I smiled.

"Yea, after _that_ last Axis meeting we've never seemed to find time," England took a sip of his tea, "How did you like the scones I sent you and Japan?" He asked in a more strained voice. He looked at me, disappointment flooding into his eyes. I set down my cup and stared guiltily at England's well kept flowers.

"Um…yea aru, they were great," I murmured.

"You could have told me, about you and Japan. Considering what we've been through together, you should have,"

"I should have aru," I agreed, feeling regret.

"So…does Japan know?"

"Know what aru?" I looked up at him. His eyes held accusation and annoyance.

"That you're faking it?" He pressed. I looked up at him in surprise and alarm. How did he find out? Did we slip up?

"I'm not faking it-"

"Oh, don't lie to me. I've been with you at your worst to know that you still love Russia. I can see it in your eyes even if anyone else can't," England set down his cup, "I can tell when you hide it China, we've done it for months," He said quietly. I pressed my lips together in a tight line.

"I should have told you England aru, I'm sorry. It's been like a roller coaster these past few weeks aru," I sighed, before beginning my explanation. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for my explanation.

"You know how America used Russia to make you jealous? Well Belarus-"

"Belarus?" He cut in, confused.

"Oh, where do I begin aru…Well Belarus and I are like a…I don't know aru, I guess we're on the same side now. She isn't that bad, she's actually like a stubborn little sister to me sometimes," I smiled fondly. England blinked, "She decided I wasn't going to give up so easily and devised a plan to make Russia jealous. So we're pretending that I'm over Russia. Japan is okay with playing as my new 'boyfriend' aru," I summarized.

"So the G8 meeting, world meeting, the carnival…all that was pretend huh?" England said thoughtfully, "I sorta guessed it,"

"Yea aru," I took another sip of tea, "Only my family, Belarus, myself, and you know of the plan- Oh, and Greece too aru,"

"Greece?"

"Don't tell anyone. Him and Japan are together," I grinned. England smirked.

"Is the plan working?"

"So far, yes aru," I bit my lip, "It feels so strange pushing Russia away when all I wanted was to pull him closer…" I trailed off; my throat getting tight as Russia's hurt expression came to mind. I shook my head, clearing the thought away.

"So how are things with your arrogant brat aru?" I asked. England frowned lightly.

"My arrogant brat is doing just fine and we are very happy together," England retorted. I raised my eyebrows.

"That's good aru," I replied, grinning.

England's features softened. "But he really is sorry for using Russia. He keeps going on these guilt trips where he doesn't eat anything for hours at a time," England added earnestly. Anyone else I would've shrugged it off. But this was America, who seemed to inhale food by the second.

"I know, but still aru…"

"Anyone who sees Russia would think he wasn't capable of caring let alone loving," England reminded me quietly. It would have been insulting if it were anyone else. It did feel a little insulting, but it made sense in a barely logical thought of Ivan, tall dark and intimidating came to mind. I frowned, nibbling on my biscuit, and we both lost ourselves in thought.

_-"I love you dah," He said. _

_"I do too aru," I smiled happily. England stiffened next to me. Something was wrong. At first I was confused, taking in everything slowly. _

_Russia-san didn't say the words to me. Russia was cupping America's face, kissing him. _

_I didn't know what to think. I hadn't realized what heart shattering meant until then. I broke, shattering into a million pieces. England looked at me, horrified at how my expression changed so drastically. I felt hollow. _

_They broke away. "I love you too Russia!" America said enthusiastically, though...it seemed off. _

_"What was that you were saying China dah?" He looked at me, happier than I had ever seen him. I trembled. _

_"N-nothing aru..." I said, realizing I was too late. By a few minutes. A few minutes could change everything. _

_It's not fair aru.-_

I chewed slowly and swallowed the biscuit. It tasted dry and scratched my throat, like one of England's scones. I drained my tea and England wordlessly refilled our cups.

"If only we were a few more minutes early that day aru…" I said quietly. England sighed heavily. I set down the tea cup.

"I was thinking the same thing,"

"It's not fair aru," I instinctively brought my knees to my chest, holding myself.

"No it's not," He muttered. I brought a hand up to my cheek, and realized it was wet. It didn't bother me much in front of England. He didn't judge me, criticize, or disapprove…he just understood and listened.

"How many times have we said that to each other aru?" I laughed once humorlessly, my voice cracking slightly, "Me saying it to you, you saying it to me, our replies the same aru?" I laughed again and shook my head, rubbing my face.

"America feels worse for not knowing he broke your heart. He was the one who told me send you and Japan scones. He was relieved when he thought that you finally got over Russia," England said gently.

"What, so he could stop those guilt trips and resume pigging out aru?" I said bitterly as England winced.

"Are you ever going to forgive him?" England asked, "He didn't know they Russia would fall in love with him or you lo-"

"Yea aru. It isn't exactly America's fault either aru," I apologized, "America was doing what he was doing in desperation. Love is a very rash and selfish thing aru. I don't blame him," I said honestly.

"Thanks China," A voice said behind me. I jumped from the garden chair.

"I thought I told you to clear out for this afternoon," England chastised.

"I did! Haven't you guys noticed its twilight?" America pouted, "And I missed you," He wrapped his arms around England's neck and placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"Baka," England pushed him away, his cheeks tinting pink.

"How much have you heard aru?" I accused.

"When England asked if you were ever going to forgive me," America said softly, pulling up another garden chair.

"It doesn't mean that what you did to Russia was exactly right aru," I crossed my arms, glowering at him.

"I thought you were over him and with Japan though," America frowned, puzzled. He picked up a biscuit and took a hearty bite.

"I am," I lied curtly, "But anyone would say what you did was wrong aru," America was about to take another bite but set the biscuit down.

"I know, I just don't know how to make things right," America said in frustration. I resisted the urge to smack him and scream, _'Then why did you make things wrong in the first place?'_

"It is getting late," England said with a start, sensing my mood, "Let me escort you out the door, America go inside and fix dinner," I nodded, getting up.

"See you later China," America waved before going inside.

"I'm guessing I shouldn't tell America," England clarified as we slowly walked to the front.

"Yea," I told him a few more details about what was going on. I also told him what I hadn't told anyone else—about the Mataryoshka doll Russia wanted to give me as a friend.

"Friends? Really?" England said incredulously.

"A few months ago I would be dying for just that aru. Russia and I, real friends aru," I drew in a ragged breath, "B-but now, it doesn't seem like enough aru,"

"And it shouldn't, because you deserve a lot more than that," England reminded impatiently, "And Belarus's plan so far seems to working out good, so don't cave into Russia's mind games,"

"They're not mind games aru. They're what he honestly wants to be like with me but is afraid to aru," I snapped.

"Sorry," England muttered, "It still seems like a mind game to me,"

I huffed, "Well, your scones sucked, I didn't touch a single one. In fact I fed them to Russia as punishment aru," I retorted.

"First of all, low blow," England said, feigning hurt, "Second, what does that have to do with anything?" He asked.

"I don't know aru," I said, "I would comeback with how America hurt Russia, but from America's sense...it really doesn't seem like his fault in the long run aru. I don't think Russia feels that way either,"

"Whatever, just keep in mind that this time you're pulling the strings, okay?" He clarified. I nodded.

"Should I organize another Axis Meeting? You know, so Russia and you can be together?" England asked, "Let me know if I can help,"

"Thanks aru," I was going to refuse his off but then thought for a moment, "And I think you can. America too aru,"

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**A/N: Gomen for the short chapter aru. Okay, please don't hate me but I'm kind of getting writer's block on the story. Aiyaa… ;A; H-help?  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hey people! And don't worry I'm not dead =w= Sorry for such a slow update aru.** **(writer's block, grr…) But now I'm taking the story wherever it takes me. Thank you for your support my dear readers! *blows kisses***

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**Russia's POV**

"I'm home da," I announced, closing the door behind me before brushing off the light snow that caught in my hair. It was late afternoon. I had taken the longest detour home after I talked with China in the courtyard, needing time to think. My mind was churning with thoughts.

"What took you so long Nii-san?" Belarus greeted me, her bright eerie eyes giving me a once over. I flinched. I didn't want anyone else berating me about him, and of all people, my younger sister.

"The meeting took longer than usual today da," I lied. She clicked her tongue with disapproval.

"You can't lie to me Nii-san, how many times do I have to tell you that?" She said smugly but didn't press the subject. She took my coat wordlessly and handed me a drier one before leaving behind me. I didn't bother asking where she was going.

I walked into my room, carrying a couple of bottles to restock my bedroom. It reeked of air freshener. The broken glass bottles were gone. The stains of spilled alcohol, gone too. The decorations reorganized. The window fixed and gleaming. Wallpaper replaced where I had slashed at it angrily. My gift to China placed neatly on the table. The bed sheets changed. My paperwork organized neatly on my desk, awaiting my signatures and approval. It seemed as though the Baltics took the liberty of cleaning my room.

It felt too clean. And too cold. I took a long sip of vodka and closed my eyes.

I reopened my eyes, the room seemed to be spinning. My mind reeled bits and pieces of the conversations I had exchanged with China without warning.

_-"You've left me in a haze! You never give me straight out answers with these types of things! You keep flinging out excuses aru!"  
"That's because you sulk, making me feel guilty! I only did those things out of pity!"- _

The look of defeat on his tired features, his acceptance, the pain getting masked again, maybe for once and for all.

_-"How dare you come here aru?!"  
"After what you did to Japan!"  
"I know why you did it aru, but I won't ask how come,"  
"Because this has nothing to do with you pitying me aru,"-_

The warmth, the ease he had around me, replaced by cold formality.

_-"Yao, do you love Japan, da?"  
"Yes aru,"  
"Why do you love him?"  
"That is none of your business aru,"  
"It is my business da!"  
"What is wrong with you? You shouldn't be asking me a question like that! It shouldn't matter to you who I love and who I don't aru! You should be glad you don't have me tailing after you, confusing you, loving you aru! Making you do all those things out of pity aru!"-_

The bitterness in his voice.

Our words seemed to echo in my mind, repeating, overlapping, and giving me a huge headache. Or maybe it was the alcohol getting to me finally? Whatever it was, I couldn't seem to stop it. Part of me protested but another part of me forced me to think. I sank down to my knees, staring at nothing. What was going on?

_- "Sometimes when I look at you aru, you know what I see?"  
"What da?"  
"I see that child I saw many winters ago. Lost. Hurt. Fearful. Lonely…"  
"Really da. You sometimes speak in such riddles!"  
"The child is still there, I can see him aru, whenever I look into his eyes," –_

The feeling of intrusion. He knew, and was hurting me, taunting me with it.

Or was he?

And suddenly it made sense. My head was pounding as every conversation I had with China, with Belarus, with Ukraine…it all clicked into place. I let go of the bottle-letting it crash to the spotless floor, shattering into a million pieces-and brought both hands up to run them through my hair, holding them there.

I hate China, da. I hate him Ivan.

"I don't love him-" I said aloud hoarsely. It sounded so wrong, my insides screamed, my breath choked off, my heart thudding against my chest. This was hurting me. Love was hurting me. He was hurting me.

"Except," I managed whispered helplessly, "Maybe I do," Tears blurred my vision. I let them fall.

All I felt was the feeling of being shattered, but still being intact. Every breath hurting, my heart aching, my head continuing to throb, allowing tears to fall.

Was this the feeling of truly being in love? It didn't feel like this with America.

I was denying my feelings ever since the day Belarus decided to change. And when I finally did understand, I shoved him away. Giving the excuse of 'confusion and pity'. Confused yes, pity no. I had behaved selfishly. _How that must've hurt Yao. _I realized.

Yao made me happy. He enjoyed my company, was warm, genuine, friendly. Not like the others who kept a distance for me or were nice from fear. And he understood. It didn't matter if he would hurt me, but he understood when no one else saw past the fear I enforced. He understood me.

He reached a hand out. And I smacked it away, waiting for him to reach out again. He was right; I was making him play my game. I wanted him close, but still far enough to protect myself. I couldn't have both ways, I now realized. I would have to take that certain risk and brace myself.

_- "I don't want to be your friend aru,"  
"Why not da?"  
"You don't pretend with such matters aru,"  
"I'm not,"  
"I still don't want to be your friend aru,"  
"Why not?"  
"That's not enough anymore aru,"-_

Then what was? China already had Japan so a lover was not the answer. Then it dawned to me. What if he hated me? Yes, he did, it was logical. That explained his sudden change, his hostile formality, his cold tone.

Yao hated me. And I loved him. It was an awful realization.

So China moved on. He was happy. Without me. He found solace in Japan, and got over me. I now understood how he felt every time he of America and me. It was not a pretty feeling. The flaming jealousy was there before, but this time with an aching pain of wanting to be in the place of America—in my case—Japan. To want to be the reason why someone is happy. Then realizing it was too late.

He didn't want me anymore.

I trembled, getting up shakily.

It hurt. It hurt too much, despite my body feeling numb all over. I needed to hurt something too. I needed to…

I walked over to the window, the room feeling so unbearably hot, and my heart thudding in my ears. I wrapped my fingers into a fist and smashed it into the newly replaced window pain. The sound of it shattering provided some comfort. The glass sliced into my knuckles, sending searing pain to my brain, my hand not feeling so numb anymore. I let my bruised and bloody fist drop to my side uselessly, and looked up at the gray clouding sky. A cool wind hit my face and I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

My mind was churning as I went to bed, feeling very exhausted with my new found realizations.

* * *

**China's POV**

"You included England in this plan?" Belarus said in a low, annoyed voice, following me out the door "Why?"

"Because, we're…" _What were we?_ "Friends aru," I decided to go with. I walked briskly, hoping she wouldn't follow me to the Allies Meeting building. England sent Russia a fake letter yesterday-the day after we had tea together. There was an 'urgent' meeting for us Allies, and the meeting was going to be held out in the courtyard. I wonder if Russia bought it.

Nonetheless, two days later, I was going to meet Russia there (I hoped) and Belarus was following me there.

"Friends," She repeated flatly.

"Friends," I agreed, "He knew what I felt when Russia was with America aru," I said, not wanting to say too much. "And just so you know he helped me out with the plan. I'm meeting Russia in the courtyard in ten minutes aru." I glanced down in my watch. She didn't reply immediately.

"I'm glad you're actually taking it into your own hands finally," She said. I slowed my walking by the somewhat softer tone of her voice.

"Meaning aru?" I asked, not understanding what she meant by it.

"Meaning…I guess in the beginning you were so unwilling and uncertain to follow the plan and thought that Russia didn't think anything of you. You were accepting that he would never love you and was beginning to move on. Now you're believing and acting yourself without my help," She grinned. We came to a complete halt. I thought before replying.

"That sounded very…corny aru. But you're right. Mostly because your brother has is very distinct about his jealousy issues" She and I both grinned, "And was that a compliment aru?" I asked. She shrugged.

"I just felt the need to say it, so I did okay?"

"Oh, okay. And …" I bit my lip, unsure whether or not I should bring it up.

"And…?" She pressed.

"I know you used to love Russia in a certain way aru, don't you feel a little…" I trailed off, hoping she understood.

"I do," She said flatly, tonelessly and I flinched, but then added, "I'm learning to move on though. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm helping you in the first place. But then I think of the way your eyes look dead or Nii-san locked in his room, tearing apart wallpaper and breaking windows," She drew in a deep breath, "And the truth is plain to see. Even if it hurts," She smiled tightly, focusing on a tree behind my right ear.

"Love is such a foolish emotion. Even if we aren't wholly human, I sometimes I wish we were free of such an awful riddance aru. I'm over four thousand years and it managed to cripple me," I said, looking up at the sky.

"But sometimes, you can't help but think it's the only thing we have to hold on to, right?" Belarus flicked a glance at me, "Emotion fuels the world. It's the passion, the hate, the anger, the sadness, the devotion, the causes of problems and solutions, wars and alliances. Between everything we have to do as nations, it's sometimes the only solace we have,"

I didn't know how to reply, because she was right. It was a curse and a blessing.

So I hugged her. It was impulsive. And Bela wasn't exactly a person you could just hug. But I did, wrapping my arms around her. She stiffened, but slowly brought her arms around me. Her breath shuddered.

"Thanks China," She said in a small voice.

"You're welcome aru," I said quietly, stroking her hair absentmindedly. She pulled away, her eyes shiny.

"Plus you've got this 'caring-older-brother complex' I like. You wouldn't make that bad of an older brother-in-law," She grinned.

"Thanks aru," I returned the smile.

"Go, I think Russia is probably waiting for you. I have to meet up with my sister anyways,"

"Right aru," I nodded, and walked on without her following.

I felt nervous as the building came to view. Not scared of Russia, just apprehensive. Maybe because I knew that it was no Allies Meeting but a hoax. Maybe it was that knowing feeling I had, like I knew something was going to happen. My stomach curled in anticipation as I walked through the wide arches entering into the courtyard. Then again, maybe it was nothing.

**Russia's POV**

Two days later, I was walking towards the courtyard. The letter I received yesterday from England was in my left hand, a bottle of vodka in my right.

_Urgent Allies Meeting._

_Tomorrow 2 pm. _

_Meet at courtyard for training. _

It meant nothing to me, other than the fact the China would be there. I needed to tell him. Even if he was with Japan. I just needed to. It wasn't something I wanted to hide. I didn't know what reaction I was expecting from China, but I needed to tell him.

I took a long sip of vodka, almost half the bottle drained. I should've bought some more on the way here.

The weather was cloudy and slightly chilly. The courtyard was empty when I arrived. Strange, I was the first one. Usually one of the Western nations arrived before me. I finished the rest of the bottle, knowing China would get disappointed if he saw me with it, and tossed it in the trash can.

I sat down on one of the stone benches, deciding to go in later. The bench overlooked the courtyard and behind it was the woods; the same stone bench where China blurted out he loved me. Where I had thrown it back in his face. Why hadn't I said the same? Things would've been so much easier. I hated this feeling.

What were the words?

_Wo ai ni. _

It sounded so simple, so beautiful. Why had I been so ignorant all this time?

I sighed tiredly, the alcohol easing my headache slightly, as I realized I would probably say the same thing today.

* * *

**A/N: It's about time, Russia aru. *huffs* (Okay, so not the longest chappie in the world. Sorry about that I'll do better next time I swear.) Please review!**


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Sorry for another slow update. x[ But this summer has been crazy for me and now I'm (hopefully!) back for regular updates again! **

* * *

Russia was already there, his scarf catching slightly in the breeze. He was sitting on the stone bench, his head ducked own. The sky was cloudy and it felt like it was going to rain again. I shivered, covering the distance quickly. He heard my footsteps and stilled. I didn't know what I was supposed to expect so I kept my face blank. He looked up slowly, his violet eyes clouded. I sat down silently and we didn't speak for a few minutes, allowing the wind to blow by listlessly, stirring up the leaves.

"Hello Yao," He said quietly, not looking up at me. The wind blew once more, and a whiff of vodka, stronger the usual and ice hit my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose. Didn't anyone in his family or the Baltics notice enough to say anything?

"Hey aru," I replied, frowning. More silence.

"So when is everyone else coming da?" He asked his voice thick. He looked around uneasily, at everything but at me. _Maybe I've been too hard him on lately aru…_

"Um…"

"Yo! China! Russia!" England called from the other side of the courtyard. America was with him. I stood up, motioning them to come to us. America had his hands in his pockets, eyes glued to the floor as they covered the distance.

"Hey, where is France and Canada aru?" I pretended to ask. England glanced down at his phone as if to read a message.

"The bloody git won't be coming today," He said with annoyance then looked up at me as planned, "So I guess we can cancel the meeting today, if that's alright with you two,"

"Fine with me aru," I turned to Russia, "And you?" He looked up and nodded at England then looked away, still seated. England and I looked at America expectantly. I coughed and walked over to America and sharply elbowed him.

"Ow!" He flinched, rubbing his stomach. England gave a subtle clear of throat, and nodded at Russia. America drew in a deep breath.

"R-Russia," America blurted out. Russia looked up in confusion.

"What?" He asked, frowning with contempt.

"Can we talk?" America asked, flustered, "P-privately?" He added, looking at me and England.

"Sure aru," I replied. England nodded.

"Don't screw this up aru," I muttered as I brushed past America.

We went up to the Allies Meeting room which overlooked the courtyard. England drew idly on the chalkboard as I looked out the window.

"Do you think Russia will buy it?" England asked.

"I don't know aru. America can't fix everything that happened between him and Russia aru. But he should repair whatever's left of what he can," I sighed, "So if America is going to apologize, he should do it the right way. Who the hell apologizes to an ex like that in the middle of a crowded elevator?"

"I have to admit, that was bit uncalled for and immature on America's part," England admitted and shook his head.

We were silent for a few minutes, and I glanced back out the window. Russia had that sickly sweet smile on his face and America looked flustered, still earnestly talking.

I wrapped my arms around my waist and stared at the floor sighing heavily. _If only I was a few minutes earlier the day America admitted he so called 'loved' Russia aru…or if only Russia would let his guard down just the slightest and believed I wouldn't hurt him like America did…or if-_

"Hey is everything okay?" England asked, breaking my train of thought. His hand hovered above the chalkboard and he looked at me concerned.

"Yea, I'm fine," I cleared my throat. _No point in thinking about 'if only' any more aru…_ I shook my head, clearing my thoughts, and looked out the window again.

"But I don't think America is aru," I frowned.

* * *

**Russia's POV**

After we watched England and China entered the building, America gave a tentative smile at me.

"Hey Russia. What's up man?"

"What do you want kol kol?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes. I was in no mood to deal with him now. Or ever da.

"I-I thought we could, um, you know, talk," America's smile seemed more forced as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"I think we can't," I stood up, glaring down at him. He cowered slightly. I gave a humorless grin, shaking my head. _China never does that da._ I roughly pushed past him.

"R-Russia wait," He grabbed my arm. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You know, if you don't let go in the next five seconds, I'll really enjoy breaking every one of your fingers, da," I threatened cheerfully.

"What?" He asked. His hand froze on my arm.

"Ligament by ligament da," I smiled and giggled once. His eyes widened in horror and I promptly turned to continue leaving.

"W-wait!" America caught up to me, "Come on, just 5 minutes!" He pled shakily. I stopped walking, my fist clenching.

"Maybe, da," I continued, looking up at the sky, "You should leave right now while your body is still intact," I commented pleasantly.

"Maybe, I don't want to," America drew in a deep breath, collecting his composer. He pushed up his glasses and straightened his posture, which I hadn't expected. He met my eyes, though they wavered slightly. _Unlike China._

"What?" I allowed.

"I want to apologize," He replied sincerely, "I'm sorry," I blinked.

"And you think I fucking believe that da?" I asked, incredulous.

"You should," He looked clearly upset, taking a step towards me, "I really hurt you and I-" He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me," I said darkly. He let his hand fall.

"Anyways," He played with his fingers, not looking at me, "I'm really sorry I hurt you. You don't know how bad I felt, I mean, I never thought you would take it _seriously_-"

"I did take it seriously da. How bad do you think _I_ felt?" I retorted, continuing walking briskly. He followed me, jogging slightly to catch up to my long strides.

"I can't imagine. But I didn't know you would feel that-"

"See, that's what everyone thinks. That I don't _feel_, that I can't da," I snapped. I don't know why I would bother explaining this to America, but it came out.

"Well, I know you do _now_, so I want to apolo-"

"No you don't. You don't know me at all," I laughed bitterly. He stopped, thinking for a few seconds.

"You're right, I didn't. When we first started dating I was solely focused on getting England. But you were…sweet to me. I didn't think you would be; it surprised me. I knew I should've ended it right there. But then England started to notice me…"He drew in a deep breath.

"I knew I should've told you the truth. I thought you could care less if I broke up with you. So I'm sorry for being a jerk, for being an awful person to you," America's eyes got watery and he hastily rubbed them out.

I wasn't going to buy his sob-story apology that easily.

"Why were you so surprised da? That I got hurt?" I smiled widely, "Didn't think I have feelings kol kol?"

"Because you're always like this," He waved vaguely at me. I narrowed my eyes, "You act polite and all, but scare the shit out of everyone. Sooner or later you become untouchable," He frowned, pushing his glasses up."So when I did _touch_ you," He unconsciously brought a hand up to his heart. That annoyed me, "I was so lost, what was _I_ supposed to do then? Someone who I assumed to be cold and heartless?"

"How important do _you_ think you are da?" I laughed, pretending that his words didn't sting "To think you actually 'touched' me?" I mimicked him, bringing a hand over his heart. America looked away uncomfortably.

"Well you just said I hurt you, and you would've forgiven me by now, if I hadn't," America replied evenly.

"Really kol kol?"

"You're acting like that again. Cold and untouchable," He crossed his arms, "Yet you still try to prove to me I was wrong for not realizing your feelings,"

I didn't reply, bitterly looking away. How did everyone manage to corner me now?

"Russia, what I did was wrong, it was horrible. It was my fault. I'm so sorry for it. Please forgive me," America begged. I allowed an uneasy silence to fill in a few moments before replying.

"Ne ne, it must've taken a lot for you to swallow your pride and ego to say that da," I observed.

"Doesn't matter," America brushed off, though looking embarrassed.

"You know what I think Alfred?" I said his name, and he flinched at it, "I think that I'm just some chore nagging you to get done so you can sleep better at night. I think you could care less about me," I looked over at him darkly.

"So actually, it does da," I smiled, knowing how big America's ego and pride were to him, "Are you getting paid to do this?" I asked politely, clasping my hands behind my back.

He looked away again, but didn't reply.

"Well?" My smile grew wider, taking a step closer to him.

"I know you won't forgive me that easily, and I suck at apologies. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to make things right between us but I didn't know how to man up and do it right. So China- " He rushed out in one breath before cursing **, "**OH SHIT," America snapped his mouth shut.

"China?" I said sharply. America looked startled and smacked himself on the forehead.

"Dammit," He cursed.

"What about him kol kol?" I demanded. America shuddered.

"N-nothing, I-I just c-came to a-apol-"

"Yao sent you to do this, didn't he, da?" I realized.

"I wasn't supposed to let that slip! Pretend you don't know anything!" America interjected frantically, "Oh man, China's gonna be furious-"

"Yao wouldn't do that if he didn't care about me da," I continued slowly.

"Wait, why does that matter?" America frowned.

"Because Yao keeps saying he doesn't care about me da. But this is proof he does," I said smugly.

"Why does that matter?" America asked again in puzzlement. "You rejected him, remember?" America clarified.

"…"

"Oh man, you mean you like him now?" America exclaimed in surprise.

"That's none of your business kol kol," I replied evenly.

"I know I'm in no position to say this… but China's with Japan. There dating, remember?" He reminded me gently.

"You _are_ in no position to say anything to me, so shut up da," I suggested.

"But still, they're happy together!" America protested. A flitting memory came to my mind.

_-"Japan is keeping you happy da?" _

"_Of course aru,"-_

America was still earnestly babbling, "-so don't you get it?" He finished, "He _doesn't_ love you anymore, if anything, China probably _hates_ you!" I felt like I was stabbed in the gut. _Yao hated me. _I had forgotten. It hurt even more hearing it from someone else.

America looked at me expectantly, awaiting an answer from me.

But my patience for him snapped. I covered the distance between us in a short stride, gripping America's arms, glaring down at him. He cowered.

"So kol kol?" I snarled viciously at him, my temper flaring.

"Ah! W-well-" America tried to explain, squirming.

"You sure have a rational way of thinking, don't you, da? What do you know about _Yao's_ feelings when you couldn't even realize _mine_ da?" I gripped him tighter, raising him a few inches off the ground.

"R-Russia I'm sorry-"

"Do you take me for an idiot kol kol? I _know_ Yao hates me," I continued, not really talking to him anymore, but myself. I started to tremble, looking past America unseeingly. I dropped him. America began rubbing his arms sorely, but watched me wide eyed.

"But I love him now. After all this time…I finally love him, right after he moved on. You're right to take me for an idiot," I laughed bitterly, shaking my head, "But since you understand everything so well, you tell me what I should do," My voice started getting louder, "With your rational way of thinking. What do I do when I fall in love with someone who loves someone else da?!" America cringed at my harsh tone.

"Well just ask one of us aru," A voice snapped from behind me. I froze. America looked over my shoulder with a startled but relieved expression on his face. I turned around slowly. England had his arms crossed, frowning. China's eyes were shining and he was trembling slightly. In anger, or sadness, I didn't know.

Oh no.

"Yao I-" I tried to explain numbly. He stumbled back, shaking his head. I reached a hand out towards him, but he turned around and ran out of the courtyard.

"Wait!" I tried to follow but stopped myself. _There was no point anyways, da. Yao already heard me and was furious. Nothing I said would probably change that. _I brought my hand down and my throat tightened.

"Aren't you going to follow him?" America asked.

"No point," I said quietly.

"Well you could've reasoned with him or something-"

"I said there is no point da," I clarified for him slowly, "It's not like he would listen to me or let me talk," I smiled humorlessly, thinking of all the countless times I was interrupted by Yao.

"But you should tell him. At least explain to China," America persisted.

"Explain what? That I was joking? Do you still think my feelings are a joke?" I asked darkly, "Because unlike you, China knew I was capable of feeling," America flinched.

"America didn't mean it that way," England said quietly, "Just to tell China that-"

"Why does it matter so much to you two da?" I asked.

"So you don't make the same mistake I did," America answered quietly, "I know I can't fix everything but at least I tried and make things right with whatever I can,"

I didn't respond for a while. _Make things right…How can I? When everything is so wrong? _

"You kind of suck at that da," I said after awhile, "He hates me anyways da," I shrugged, looking up at the sky.

"Is that what you think?" England asked, "And he at least deserves an explanation, no matter how lame at unbelievably selfish it is,"

"You just want me to forgive your boyfriend," I smiled.

"That too," England replied. "But at least he had the guts and swallowed his pride and apologized out right for hurting you, even if he needed an outsider's help," England raised an eyebrow.

"I know, da," I didn't mention the fact that China forced him to.

_China forced him to apologize, even if he had nothing to gain from it. But I did, so did he do it for me_? I realized. _But he hates me da, it didn't make sense…Maybe he doesn't hate me…not yet. But after what he heard from me today, what if it is too late?_

"It's too late to explain, da," I replied.

"It's not," England denied evenly.

"You can't fix everything either Russia, but at least try and make _this_ right with him," America urged.

"What do you think I should tell China da?" I asked quietly after a while. America looked at me startled at my consent but then quickly pushed his glasses up and frowned lightly.

"From the Hero's point of view…that isn't exactly something we can tell you to say," America said uneasily.

"Yea," England snickered, "Remember last time we tried?"

America chuckled, "We told you to go to him with sunflowers and apologize and kiss him,"

"That was a disaster da," I agreed, remembering it.

"So a word of advice," England said seriously, "When you talk to China, just don't screw up," I nodded, and we fell into a small silence. It was more bearable to be in America's presence when England was there. I wondered why.

"So you really love him huh?" England asked casually. I nodded curtly. "Feels horrible doesn't it? Knowing he's with someone else and not you?" England asked lightly, crossing his arms. I would've gotten angry, like with America when he had brought it up. But for some reason I didn't. Because now that I thought about it, England must've felt the same way I was right now. Trapped. Torn. Breaking.

"Sorry England," I said quietly.

"It doesn't matter anymore mate," He replied, "I guess my pain paid off," On cue, America looped an arm around Arthur's waist, pulling him closer.

"What are you doing?" Arthur hissed.

"Relax Iggy. I just feel so warm and cuddly when you act cute and sentimental about our relationship,"

"Buzz of you git," England said lightly, elbowing him. Alfred only laughed.

The corners of my mouth turned up into a small smile seeing them, because despite myself, even if I would never tell anyone…I felt…happy…seeing them together. I couldn't believe myself. I turned around and walked away.

"Wait!" America called. I stopped again, annoyed.

"I'm guessing you still haven't forgiven me?" America said slowly, scratching his head. I nodded curtly. His face fell and he looked away. I sighed and turned to England.

"Tell your boyfriend forgiveness doesn't come so easily to me da," I told England darkly. America winced, "But when forgiveness does come to me, I will," I added. America looked up at me at gave a small hesitant smile.

"Thanks Russia," He said softly.

"Still, you should be grateful your ligaments are all still intact and I break your glass and use them to gouge your eyes out when I had the chance da," I replied brightly.

"Err…" America stuttered in confusion. I smiled at him cheerfully.

* * *

**And the Chapter Ends. On that note lol. But I thought it would be nice if I had a chapter where America decently apologizes to Russia.**

******Thanks everyone for reviewing and I shower you all with my love and hugs and kisses and nutella!~**


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